LancsVillan

It seems the French don't like O'leary either

see he's a chip off the old block with ones like that :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

see he's a chip off the old block with ones like that

who's stick in footy peter crouch :oops:

How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate ! WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time 53. give her lots of space IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food and beer

and blandy was out a limb (as if)

Just for you Drat Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box,puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!" THERE'S MORE... Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says,"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!" IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Shaun Appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Shaun then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry With his budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting..and now Shaun and his fook'n hengliding!"

Quite possibly a repeat but in true Jim davidson style..... A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is sceptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

time for another actually Mart

trickie if we had been over zealous it would be lonely on here

you and your stats I'll give you something not statistically linked Without GB we would be in a far worse position than we are

have added a Poll to it for me for all the promise Milner shows I'd rather keep GB

Fickle fans in training Arsenal prepare another strip for the visit of Villa Laughing Gravity's disappearance explained - He's on holiday Arsene Wenger's watching

eh?

think I might have been three of them Chris - as I guess it's based on IP addy

Cooking breakfast She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in and asks "What's for Breakfast?" She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment". He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and they have sex. Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?" She says "The egg timer's broken!"

The Rabbi and Inland Revenue At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to The Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a Year they send us a complete dick ".

Almost a millionaire.... When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her" but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much smarter than men........

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. " Ever since that day, we have never had single problem.".... Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that". Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack. "Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your **** attitude, you never will."

got three pairs one of those warm walking pairs for walking and watching Aston on a Saturday one pair of Total 90s for Astro turf - to use when playing on Astro turf one pair for playing squash / badminton / going in the gym I reckon only the last one really qualify as trainers

Nays - excellent

VT Mod's staple diet for the day

1 - he should be bloody used to it by now ;-) 2 - better to say one thing and stick to it than fire loads of things off knowing one will hit the target, and celebrate success is a good, if not very English thing to do 3 - saves anyone else the bother

:yawn:

At last South Shore gone - LV to celebrate with ...... a bet!