Villadevon

No brainer.

Statto Prediction Sort of agrees with most on here.

Agreed, Trying to predict the results of our remaining fixtures I have come up with: Villa goggles on: 30pts Villa goggles off: 26pts giving us 71 or 67 points (thats losing to ManU, Arsenal,& drawing Pompey each time) Has to be a european chance with either of those tally's.

2 for me

Southern Comfort, slugged from the bottle every time I walk through the kitchen.

What a cheat, that Elephant was over the oche. :winkold:

What's 9 inches long and dangle's in front of a word removed? Steve McClaren's tie

Was that canned laughter I kept hearing? Not a good opener for the new series.

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: "Aye, aye sir." Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): "'England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - what gobbledegook is this?" Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist." Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco." Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments." Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle." Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking." Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it . full speed ahead." Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water." Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please." Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir." Nelson: "What?" Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness, and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected." Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy." Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral." Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd." Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled." Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency." Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons." Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?" Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy." Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral." Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!" Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks." Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?" Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not." Nelson: "We're not?" Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation." Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil." Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report." Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King." Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life" Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?" Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment." Nelson: "What about sodomy?" Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir." Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy.â€

Screaming Trees - All I know.

I remember paying £450 (ouch!) for a "nicam stereo" one 15rs ago, just so I could hook it up to my Hi Fi. I also remember kicking it to pieces when it chewed up an important tape a few years later.

Hope I misheard ssn say we have been linked with Marlon Harewood. :shock:

Whats the difference between Olivia Newton John & Liverpool? Olivia Newton John didn't get **** in grease!

In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest. The priest asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done, just give her 10 Hail Marys. I'll be right back." Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected, Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable," she said. "I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation, surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So in a moment of desperation, the janitor peeked his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the priest give for oral sex?" The altar boy replied, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

Pinched from another forum: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The glowing eyes are caused because they reflect the light from your flash. The eyes of many animals including foxes, cats and dogs act like mirrors so that they can see better at night - they effectively double the amount of light available to see with. Foxes, like cats, have an extra "mirror" layer at the back of the eye behind the retina, which means that the incoming light has two chances to hit the rods. This mirror layer is called the "tapetum lucidum". It's made from 15 types of cells, and is very reflective. It glows a silvery-greeny-golden colour when a bright light shines on it. When camera flash is used on us, it gives "red eyes" in portraits of humans. Our eyes appear red because the flash lights up the blood vessels behind our eyes. We do not have the reflective mirror lens of the fox, dog and cat. To avoid the golden glowing eyes when photographing animals, don't use flash. If that is unavoidable, then you will have to use some sort of editing software to correct the glow (or red eye in humans). Then again - golden eyes can look very mysterious and turn your ordinary fox into a "were-fox" from a Hammer horror film In your picture, the glow is not excessive and doesn't spoil your excellent photograph at all.

My bluenose "mate" is making excuses already, "Bruce out" blah, blah, blah.

Want them last game of season at home to send them down, but then thats probably already happened in March.

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and Arthur Scargill? Arthur Scargill hasn't touched a minors helmet in 30 years...

How do you get a granny to shout "word removed!"? Get another one to shout "Bingo".

I was in a pub and told the following joke: What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath? Throw your clothes in so they get a wash. Once the guffawing of my friends had died down, I became aware of a man on the other side of the bar, looking quite choked and talking to the landlord. The landlord came over to me and told me that the gentleman at the bar had recently lost his son and that my joke had offended him. I thought I should apologise. I approached the gentleman at the bar and offered my condolences for his loss and my apologies if my joke had upset him. He said that the joke had only got to him because his son was an epileptic and it was a fit which killed him. I wondered as to how a fit could actually kill someone and the man said that his son had slipped and hit his head and that was what had killed him. I asked where his son had slipped and the man said it was in the bath. Well, I realised then how inappropriate my joke had been in the circumstances. "Did your son hit his head on a tap then?" I asked. "No," replied the man; "he choked on one of my socks".

Am ringing specsavers as i type!!

I'm not as big as my avatar would have you believe Really! I'm actually not a scruffy cat either! I think only trim has himself as his avatar. There are no prizes fro knowing my name though! Bloody hell, I've spent the last six months thinking it was Freddy Flintoff ,snapped whilst getting hammerd after the Ashes win. :shock:

Never knew "Stars" had that option.

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