A bloke came in my local the other day, he reckoned he could tell different types of wood by their smell. So the landlord decided to put him to the test and the man agree to be blindfolded stating that he would correctly identify three different kinds of timber just by smelling them.
The man was duly blindfolded and the landlord wafted an old oak drawer under his nose. "English Oak", said the man.
The landlord was impressed, and deciding to make the man's task more difficult he placed a black piano key under his nose. "Ebony", stated the man.
The landlord was determined to out do the stranger and grabbed the barmaid, turned her upside down, and stuffed her arse under his nose. "That's easy", said the man, "It's a shithouse door off a grimsby trawler".