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The Dressing Room (Pre-Toon)


Hercs
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*We join the lads gearing up for their match against Newcastle*

Houllier: OK gentlemen, now if we can just score MORE goals than zem zis time it will be preferable.

Osbourne: Yeah! Lets go out there and preferable these guys! Oh yeah! Wooooo!

Houllier: Isaiah!? What are you doing 'ere!?

Osbourne: I've come back to save you, because I so love the Villa.

A.Young: Isaiah .... Are you dressed as Jesus?

Osbourne: Who?.... Never heard of the bloke.

A.Young: Jesus! You know with your white robe and crown of thorns

Osbourne: All the kids are wearing these nowadays brother Ashley.

*Young rolls his eyes*

Houllier: Save us all!? We'll see about zat!

*Houllier reaches for his phone*

Houllier: 'Ello? Sheffield Wednesday? Gerard 'Oullier 'ere ..... Stop your laughing, I am calling to return Isaiah .... Your laughing, it has increased in volume, I asked you to stop ze laughing...

*Houllier returns his phone to his pocket whilst muttering under his breath in french*

Houllier: Now you ma defenders I cannot see ze problem, why can you not keep ze sheets clean zis season?

*the lads all turn to Dunne and Collins, who are surrounded by half empty pint glasses and crushed cans.*

Houllier: I mean James, you were sturdy, dependable ... Wait .... are you drunk!?

Collins: Drunk!? How very dare you sire!.... (hic)

Houllier: Oui! Drunk! Your eyes are zey are as red as the 'ead that you're wearing a tie around!

Collins: Maybe I like wearing ties with my footie kit! (hic) Did you think of that you .... (hic) .... You coat monster!?

Houllier: James I am over 'ere you are arguing with ze coat stand! And Richard .... Is zat a traffic cone you are 'ugging!?

Dunne: I love cone.(hic)

Houllier: Mon Dieu! Isaiah!?

Isaiah: Yes boss, want me in a make-shift defence!? Finally Osbourne has his day...

Houllier: You can "make-shift" two black coffees and bring a bucket to 'old!

*the dressing erupts with laughter, Osbourne hangs his head and skulks to the kitchen*

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I liked it.

I especially like the attention to detail on Houf's accent.

7/10.

Bring more characters in.

I use to write these styled bits for the MON era, especially when MON bought Reo and then for some reason, marlon harewood. good times, good times.

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