sheriffvilla

I recently added two more blogs, I now have 10 in total. Ridiculous!

To me it would bring out the best of Stevie Gerrard, so I have opted for him.

Have been meaning to do it, this has reminded me. Might do it in a minute as I'm getting paid double time at work today

What, all five of them? :shock: Me, my Dad and aunt are 3. Oh man, it's gonna be really cold at the winter matches :winkold:

I love it. Even my blog list now comes in the form of it's own blog. Blogtastic!

Updated my Villa blog yesterday, more depressing than amusing. Also, due to technical reasons, I have a new blog list which will point you in the direction of whichever blog anybody wishes to read. Both available in my autosig.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'" The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."

All 8 blogs updated this weekend, and I still managed to watch England, go out last night and have a lie-in this morning! (Yes, I am aware I should not be so proud of such an achievement) Oh, and Armchair England got a plug.

Things To Say Or Do In A Public Toilet Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, “May I borrow a highlighter?” “Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.” Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that colour before.” “Damn, this water is cold.” Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a shoe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly. “Now how did that get there?” “Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.” Fill up a large flask with lemonade. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling,’ Whoa! Easy boy!!” ” Interesting….more sinkers than floaters” Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say,’ Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?” “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!!” “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot” “Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?” Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. Before you unroll toilet paper, lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, “Peek-a-boo!” Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free.”

I think I might stick that on my own 'Todays News' section of my Xanga blog as well, as I have a few non-Villa fan mates that as are still avid readers of your blog!

There were scenes of great celebration as some hot totty returned to Robs blog... ... and Rob himself was delighted to receive an award for this achievement

I noticed Rob, nice to see you back on form mate!

Can I have 'blogpolygamist' above my avatar instead of 'reserve team' please?

My end of season review is now available, if you feel like being depressed! I also have a new blog :roll: :yawn: for no other reason than I got a 'myspace' account and decided to make use of the facility. I am not sure what use to put it to, though during the World Cup it will probably be for that, then I'll work it out afterwards. Oh, and dont worry Chris, I'm sure it'll be no competition for Armchair England!

Are we getting this campaign to get Wispas back on the go or what???

David Blaine was gutted yesterday when he found out that his 44 day record of doing **** all in a box was smashed by a six month attempt by Emile Heskey.

East 17... oh wait, sorry Roses. Not that I dislike the Smiths, but the Roses did some songs that I can class as some my favourite tunes of all-time, and the Smiths didn't. Good band though.

Much nicer reading than your original post mate :wink:

The Sheriff rode in to Town to get this thread back on topic

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm an Aston Villa fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Villa fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from Birmingham, and my mum is a Villa fan and my dad is a Villa fan, so I'm a Villa fan too!" "Well," said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Villa fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."

The Zulus get together to plan some trouble for the derby

Yeah, agreed. I chuckled at first but I knew what was coming! But then it was like, shit, this is horrible! Reminded of a schoolyard ruck when some knobhead would get a slap but then loads of dickwods would jump in & have a little dig and it went from 'well deserved' to 'oh man this is horrible!!'

The club were pleased that Lee Hendrie had swapped booze for soft drinks

Hope no-one takes this in an anti-DOL way, this is just how the joke was sent to me... David O'Leary has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Dave thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Glenn Hoddle and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" David said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Doug Ellis with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented David. The devil opened a third door. In it, David saw Steve Bruce lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Karen Brady, taking it up the arse. O'Leary looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Karen, you're free to go!"

I am sure CV gets a nervous twitch when he sees my name on this thread! http://sheriffkimbo2thevillablog.wordpress.com/ My Villa blog has been moved one more time. Wont happen again. My apologies.