Meet the neighbours

[JohnCresswell]

"Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours" goes the theme tune to the popular Aussie soap. In which case, what did we do to end up with ours?

TrentVilla writes...

As the second city derby draws closer and the media circus focuses on the Newcastle w*nkfest, I thought I would help those Villa fans asking themselves the obvious question on Sunday; who the hell is that?

So here you go folks, this is my very own guide to meeting your neighbours from the other side of town.

Meet the neighbours

(I wanted to call it meet the Fockers, but there is already a film and don’t want to get sued)

This Sunday is the big one, the day all those from the other side of the city lift their knuckles and drag them across town. Yes that is right folks it’s Derby day. That day that comes around every so often (likely to become a biennial event me thinks) when the small heath fans save up their small change and raid the back of the sofa to come and throw it down at Villa Park.

I’ve never thought of it from their perspective before but it must be like a holiday for them, saving their pennies for spending money, wearing their favourite top and basking in the sunshine of playing in a big game (they don’t have many do they).

Anyway, I digress….. The reason for this article is that as the excitement grows I’ve been taking a look at their team and I realised its just not as familiar as it used to be a couple of years ago. In years gone by the likes of Sutton, Savage, Upson, Dunn, Laziridis and Heskey were familiar figures of fun for the booboys of Villa park. These days it's just a little harder.

So I thought I would cobble together a little guide so everyone knows just who they are screaming abuse at. Oh and if anyone has Mellberg’s e-mail address let me know and I’ll draw him up a hit list.

Here it is its meet the neighbours (fockers) time;

The Boss – Alex McLeish

Gone are the days of being able to poke fun at the elephant man Bruce, these days its Alex McLeish or ‘big ech’ as drunk Glaswegians used to call him.

What do we know? We know he used to come out second best to MON during his time in Scotland and that Cahill told him to stick his offer.

Goalkeeper

Maik Taylor

A familiar face due to the fact he has been around since the days of betamax video’s. A veteran of these games but not the keeper he was two years ago.

The back four

Ridgewell (CB)

Agent Ridgewell makes his return to Villa Park and can expect a special reception from the Holte End but we know enough about him already. So who else will be trying to keep Ashley, Big John and Gabby at bay?

Stephen Kelly (right back)

Used to be sh*t for Spurs and now is shit for Blues, Young will murder him.

Jaidi (CB)

That big lump who even Fat Sam decided was too sh*te for Bolton, yep that is the one. A bit partial to a late challenge and a red card combo this lumbering fool will be trying and failing to get a hold of Carew. Good luck fella.

Murphy (LB)

Followed McLeish down from Scotland and has been keeping the chin strap wonder that is Queudrue out of the team.

Midfield

Larsson (LM)

One of the Arsenal rejects Bruce kissed Wenger’s ring to purchase. Scored a wonder strike against Spurs and one to watch from range.

Nafti (CM)

The Moroccan Zidane or something or other likely to get battered senseless by NRC by half time.

Muamba (CM)

Another Arsenal reject and this one is the new Vieira (yawn!!!) It could be interesting between him and NRC but no contest.

McSheffrey (RM)

A failed striker who small heath thought could make the step up from the Chumpionship, newsflash he can’t.

Strikers

Forrsell (CF)

One of the few faces from battles of years gone bye but not the player he once was.

McFadden (CF)

When this guy isn’t singing in his band Travis he plays for Birmingham. Yeah he is that fella they paid £6m for in January. How much I hear you cry? Yeah, that much.

So there you go, there they are, doesn’t seem much to worry about does it?

[b6bloke]

Love it!

[shortshadyuk]

Zarate might get a start and has a goal a game for the last 5 to his name

[TrentVilla]

Zarate might get a start and has a goal a game for the last 5 to his name

Last 4 I think it is. Yes he may well do but went with that side as was the starting 11 against Everton despite his recent goal scoring. Appears that McLeish views him as an impact player.

[OldFart]

Well everyone always comments on the way teams break their losing streaks against us and players like Vassell and Rooney always manage to end their goalless runs against us. Perhaps on Sunday Zarate will come purposefully off the bench and fail to score.

[DANVANDAL]

remember when Marlon couldn't score for toffee at West Ham. He then got a couple gainst us a starting getting a bit of a run going. We do have a habit of helping teams get their confidence back. Hopefully we'll do a Derby on them and spank them for atleast 4. We have superb attcaking players hopefulkly we can juts keep it tidy at the back. Big games from Laursen and Mellberg and we should be fine. Bouma is Mr Consistant at the moment so potentially our only weak link at the back is Knight....and maybe a dodgy keeping game which tends to happen to us in the derby from Carson.

[snowychap]

Well everyone always comments on the way teams break their losing streaks against us and players like Vassell and Rooney always manage to end their goalless runs against us. Perhaps on Sunday Zarate will come purposefully off the bench and fail to score.

Nice thinking.

[TOTTI-THE-GOD]

Hopefully this doesnt come to bite us on the arse , i am just not lookin forward to this match personally if this was a blooose team from about 3/4 months ago i'd be sat here pretty confident but there a different kettle of fish with the scot in charge they have abit of a never say die attitude i am just praying to god we dont put in a Sunderland / Boro performance

At the end of the day the pressure is more on them than us