theunderstudy

Squeaky bum time now 

Woakes is slashing at everything. Just anchor around Brook and slow play it. You're 74 runs away not 374. Our bowlers are **** hopeless with the bat. One way of playing and it's not what we need

Harry Brook needs to do a Stokes here

Jonny Bairstow has cost us the Ashes. Don't think a single player has been more of a hindrance to us with the bat or the gloves

He'll play next test. I'm **** spewing

You **** donkey 

Pathetic batting. Stokes has bailed England out many times but that's an awful shot.

The big thing now is get settled post-lunch. Another 20 runs on the board after 5 overs and all of a sudden the targets 70ish and the pressure starts to go back on the bowlers. Cummins has been excellent and looks the biggest threat. Need a massive final push from them now to get this finished

Advantage was just with England but tilted back to Australia. If Stokes gets out its over 

Root with a characteristic (for this series) terrible swipe at a ball that he didn't need to play at. This **** England side 

Last few minutes has been better - confident strokes from Brook which inevitably means a horrible rash stroke incoming....England's rearguard can be written off. You'll get max 10-20 from Wood, Broad and Robinson each and probably less if Cummins and Starc are hooping it around. So we need these two to tough it out beyond lunch to really drive it home 

Australia are ahead here for me. Two newish batsmen, still 180 behind, looking nervy 

Crawley just can't engage his brain and stick around for the long haul 

Well, never mind. Thanks for coming Moeen. Advantage Australia

Slow start this morning. Think Moeen or Stokes at 3 is the best case scenario. Brook clearly can't hold his bat there and we can't keep being 22-2. Just need Moeen and Crawleys brains to avoid going full monkey-cymbal for an hour 

Norris has always had talent he's just never had the luck. Monza and Sochi spring to mind. Piastri's drive yesterday as a rookie was very good in what has been a very quick McLaren. When you compare him and Sargeant where that Williams is also very sneakily fast but Albon is getting really good work out of it and Sargeant is.....not. in fact there's a lot of it going around. Perez, Sargeant, Stroll all putting in poor performances versus their teammates.

However quick the McLaren is atm you're not going to beat Verstappen in that Red Bull. If he suffers a technical failure today though then you could see about 6 cars vying for that P1 spot 

If Crawley and Duckett can get through the first half hour without nicking behind then they can set England up to win. If they go early Brook will follow and then it's all on Root and Stokes relying on to put in a gritty innings again.

Manage to avoid bungling away any wickets tonight..  just.  Let's see if that continues after the first hour tomorrow 

Yeah really not a clue why we didn't double up with Broad and Woakes and swing it around Head, who can't seem to resist nicking off. Instead we run Mark Wood into the ground bowling short balls at Travis Head who can just slog 6s. 

Target 250ish meaning we have to hope the Chuckle Brothers resist tossing their wickets away in the next half an hour 

Literally just been talking on Sky about how Bairstow needs to stand further over if they're trying to catch Head on the leg side. And the blockhead still doesn't move over and another goes through him. Honestly done with him 

Starc out. Cummins and Head in the middle with Murphy and Boland to come. Get these cheaply lads

Woakes gets Carey. Few more here lads 

Need to weasel these two and Cummins out. And Starc can flog it so with some clever bowling we can get a chaseable target. Whether our idiot batters can chase it down without pulling everything up in the air and being all out for 150 is another matter

Are we back in 1998?? That McLaren looks **** rapid 

Head and Marsh*