LancsVillan

you calling me Carson?

no Franks in my family, we got rid of em all when the Euro came in

Daily Star is more of a circus act than a paper

see what I tried to do there ;-)

not another midfielder :-) ;-)

I think he's like Berger - mainly a playmaker but will play on the wings if needed

which Berger is this then as the one I see plays left side of midfield and will occasionally drift in

WHERE'S MY ROOSTER

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the ten chickens and

one cock rooster he kept in a hen house at the back of the church.

One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and so the priest, who had

for a long time suspected that cock fighting was taking place in the

village, decided to mention it in church the next morning.

At mass, he addressed the congregation, "Has anyone here got a cock?" All

of the men stood up.

"No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant, has anyone SEEN a cock?" All

of the women stood up.

"NO, NO" he said somewhat exasperated "that wasn't what I meant either, has

anyone seen a cock that does NOT belong to them?"

Half of the women stood up.

"Jesus and Mary" he muttered quietly, "No, no no. Let me rephrase the

question, has anyone seen MY cock?"

All the choirboys stood up

Bri - was just typing something like that (that's three times this week we'd have done that)

On the five striker thing I could see us signing another and loaning Luke out for experience, could not should as I see Luke (and Gabby) learning quite a lot about being a striker in the box from Phillips

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

- And my favorite one..

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a good warning. And remember:

Money talks.... But Chocolate sings!

got 287gb free on my home PC - hence the pig related chats Rev

on works laptop got 3gb out of 30 free!!!

I just did

I went for other but don't have a clue who, there are 10 other 'others' as well so far, does anyone have an idea who might be interested? IF anyone is

but not Pole Dancers I bet

surprise result so far seeing 1/3 of voters going for 'other'

agree with all you say there blandy and also think there are a lot of cash rich business types who can see us as a good investment.

Even when I take off the fans glasses I see a much under marketed global brand, it was a great brand once and could easily be again. Markets in South America and Scandinavia should already be plugged into and they aren't.

The only thing we don't have is a 'fashionable' London address but with technology advances and even the better transport links we are 90 minutes or so away from the major connurbations.

We were big and could quite easily be big again

Just needs someone to take the gamble

the meaning evil been getting touch Rob?

Which Denis is why I think the timing of this - or any - bid is so good, because with Doug out of the way he can only vote by proxy on the board, thus some of his normal allies may just vote against him. As that is a lot easier to do without him present.

went for other

the bold bit above is a mis-quote surely as if that were the case Ellis' would get little more than £20m for his 34% holding

I think he values HIS shares at £60 -£80m which is obviously wrong as that would put them at around £6 per share

bloody hell optimism springs eternal :-)

jinx Jon

Welsh git for me - he has the speed and the finish.. DV only has the speed.

We can't get emotional because Darius is from Birmingham... this is a football club and it needs moved forward.

so explain the difference in scoring ratio - oops it's pretty much the same

explain why bellamy scores so many against the 'better' team - oops he doesn't

IMO we are getting carried away because it is a forward, which we do need, and the fact he's £5-6m. And this supposed 'nastiness' we need - WHY?

Have been looking at the respective record for their current clubs and Darius at 35 goals in `07 games is not that much different to Bellamy at 28 in 84.

Thing that gets me is the opposition. I know one poster who refers regularly to JPA's record v the 'Top' teams and yet they feel Bellamy is 'class'

Well Bellamy has scored once v 'Top' sides and that in a 5-3 defeat wheras Darius has scored against Chels, ManU and Liverplop. missing out v Arse only.

So over to you.

Aaron Hughes - 21 games last season in the Prem. Newcastle finished 14th

Patrick Berger - 32 games last season in the Prem. Pompey finished 16th

superb spot

back to the days of signing players from below us

oops Sorenson and Gav were too

you cannot miss an opportunity to mention her can you :-)

Guy walks into a bar with his octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool

and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus and "He

can play any musical instrument in the world." Everyone in the bar laughs at

the man and generally reckon he's an idiot. At that the guy announces that

he will wager £50 to anyone that the octupus can play any instrument that

they care to provide.

Immediately a challenger walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the

octopus who picks it up and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. In

amazement the guitar man pays up his £50. Another man walks up with a

trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis.

This guy also pays up his £50.

At this point a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and

the octopus fumbles with the instrument for a minute and then sits down with

a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae play it?" The octopus

looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to f**k it as soon as I figure

out how to get its pyjamas off!"

A man was standing next in line at a checkout, when the attractive blonde

woman in front of him turned around and gave him a big smile.

"Hello," she said, as she waited for her change.

"Er, I'm sorry. Do I know you?" The man said in some confusion.

"Oh, my mistake. I thought you were the father of one of my children," she

said apologetically, and picking up her shopping, she left the store.

The man was astonished. He thought, "How amazing that a good looking woman

like that should have forgotten who fathered her children." Then he began to

worry. He had had an encounter in his youth that could have resulted in a

child he didn't know about. She had been blonde, pretty, and about the same

height.

On leaving the store, he saw the woman getting into her car. He ran over to

her and said, "Look, you couldn't have been the girl I met that night at a

party in Hampstead, in 1980 could you? We sh@gged on the

billiards table in front of everyone, things got really wild and I got so

drunk that I didn't get your number."

The woman looked utterly outraged and said, "No! I'm your son's English

teacher."

Two extremely rich and keen Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada

to hunt for moose.

They bagged six on the trip, but as they started loading the plane for the

return trip, the pilot said that due to the weight, they could take only a

total

four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us

put them all on board, and he had exactly the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with

full

power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments

after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy turned to Seamus and asked, "Have you

any idea where we are?"

"Bejasus, I don't believe it, but I think we're pretty close to where we

crashed

last year."