I was in a porno cinema the other day. Just as the feature started the guy behind shouted "You're disgusting!" I just ignored him. Two minutes later another guy shouted "You should be fuckng ashamed of yourself!" I turned around and said "We're all here for the same reason, you're just as bad as me" Just then someone else called me a **** bastard. I said "Right thats it! Come on kids we're going home!"
Just been watching a lesbian porn 3D Blu-ray on my HD TV. For added effect I put 2 open cans of tuna on the radiator, its like i'm in the room!
Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve". Pupil: "But Miss, my Mummy and Daddy said we came from the apes". Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your **** lot!"
Paddy gets home from pub late & very drunk.....
Wife says
"OK smart arse,explain the lipstick on ya collar"
"**** easy"
he says.....
"I used me shirt to wipe my cock.
Breaking News:
Irish arm of Al Qeada claim responsibility for driving cement mixer off bridge onto Surrey commuter train in suicide mortar attack!
A bloke notices a woman giving him the eye in the supermarket. 'Do I know u?' he asks.She says 'Aren't u the dad of 1 of my kids?' He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says 'were u the hooker I **** over the pool table at my stag do while ur mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my arse?' She stares at him and says 'No,im your daughter's teacher!'