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LancsVillan

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Posts posted by LancsVillan

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

    Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

    Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

    Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

    Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Sam sung Electronics

    Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

    Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

    Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

    Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    RAC Motoring Services

    Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

    Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):

    "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Directory Enquiries

    Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

    Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

    Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

    Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

    Caller: "Yes. T hat's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

    "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

    Customer: "OK".

    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

    Customer: "No".

    Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

    Customer: "No".

    Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

    Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

    Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    Operator: "Went away?"

    Caller: "They disappeared."

    Operat or: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    Caller: "Nothing."

    Operator: "Nothing??"

    Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

    Caller: "How do I tell?"

    Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

    Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

    Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

    Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

    Caller: "What's a monitor?"

    Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

    Caller: "I don't know."

    Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

    Caller: "Yes, I think so."

    Operator: "Great Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

    Caller: "Yes, it is."

    Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

    Caller: "No."

    Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    Caller: "Okay, here it is."

    Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    Caller: "I can't reach."

    Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

    Caller: "N o."

    Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

    Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

    Operator: "Dark??"

    Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

    Caller: "I can't."

    Operator: "No? Why not??"

    Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

    Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

    Caller: & nbsp; "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

    Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

    Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

    To change or not to change usernames?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Ok while sitting here tonight and taking three hours to catch up on threads (deleting posts as I went ;-) only to get an error as other mods were doing the same. I started thinking back to a topic on conversation in the pub, and previously between JB, Simon and I.

    Should I as a Mod actually have my name in my username?

    A lot of you will know my name as unsurprisingly it is what I sign PMs and emails with but anyway let's see

    World of Warcraft

    in Games and Gaming

    Posted

    limpid wrote:

    I got turned into someone's minion last night. Twice.

    hope you got paid well

    You can turn someone into a sheep as well Al. Must be the Welsh coders working overtime.

    Shame I can't turn into a graphics designer..... :-)

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    As its approaching the festive season...........

    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many

    kinds of boobies are there?

    The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.

    In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her

    thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After

    fifty, they are like onions."

    "Onions?"

    "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many

    kinds of 'willies' are there?"

    The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through

    three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

    In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his

    fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

    "A Christmas tree?"

    "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.

    World of Warcraft

    in Games and Gaming

    Posted

    OK I've given up on the idea of ever getting this - due to marriage and my being crap at all games.

    but that Rev was excellent - I even understood it

    but this bit

    WR: Well then he starts setting down totems and I thought "Phew ill just destroy these little things with a thunder clap" I thunder clap, none of em go down! Definite Hack, Correct?

    GM: Yep.

    WR: Really?

    GM: Nope just kidding, Totems arent affected by AOE attacks.

    is pure class

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Unbelievable! I thought it was much harder to learn

    Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)

    1) That's not right ............................... Sum Ting Wong

    2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

    3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao

    4) Stupid Man .....................................Dum Fuk

    5) Small Horse ....................................Tai Ni Po Ni

    6) Did you go to the beach? ................. Wai Yu So Tan

    7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

    8 ) I think you need a face lift .................Chin Tu Fat

    9) It's very dark in here ......................... Wao So Dim

    10) I thought you were on a diet ............ Wai Yu Mun Ching?

    11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King

    12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?

    13) Staying out of sight ..........................Lei Ying Lo

    14) He's cleaning his automobile .............Wa Shing Ka

    15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu

    16) Great ............................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

    VTers' Blogs

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Don't, you're making me nostalgic.

    Here's the cars my dad had between my birth and my 12th birthday:

    Mini, Allegro, Metro, Maestro, Montego.

    You'll never guess where he worked in the late 70s and 80s.

    Oh that's a shocking selection, albeit quintessentially English. You (as a nation) had awful cars in the 70's and 80's !!

    Oi my dad worked on some of them before moving to Solihull and Land Rover (but you are right too)

    As for you - oh of course the De Lorean - ta

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 am, on the first hole of a busy course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker...

    "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"

    I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep into my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

    Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

    I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"

    I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back ... "WOULD THE ASSHOLE WITH THE MICROPHONE KINDLY KEEP QUIET AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT !!!"

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    A boy about 13 years old is walking down the street dragging a

    flattened

    dead frog on a string behind him.

    He came up to the doorstep of"a house of ill repute" and knocked on the

    door.

    When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he

    wanted.

    He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the

    money

    to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it. "

    The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.

    Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do

    any

    of the girls have any diseases? " Of course the Madam said"No". He

    said, "I

    heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love

    with

    Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

    Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,

    the

    Madam told him to go to the second room on the right.

    He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten

    minutes

    later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam,and headed

    out

    the door.

    The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the

    place with a disease, instead of one of the others? "

    He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents

    are

    going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a

    baby-sitter.

    After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just

    happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the

    disease

    that I just caught.

    When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the

    way,

    he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when

    Dad

    gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have

    sex,

    and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the

    Milkman

    will deliver the milk,have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease,

    ........and He's the Bastard who ran over my FROG!

    World of Warcraft

    in Games and Gaming

    Posted

    Al, if there is anything you'd like to say to your wife and kids, now is the time to do it. Once its installed its 'Life Over'

    Quote from Mrs R Tuesday night:

    "Which bastard suggested that **** game to you?!"

    answer - you seven month's ago ;-)

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