LancsVillan

Just in case you're stuck for what to write in your Valentines day

card........

I thought I'd help you along a little (some are for the lads and some

are for the lasses)

1. Thought that I could love no other

That is until I met your brother.

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

empty and so is your head.

3. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your

face

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you,

because I was pissed.

5. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face

7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you

screwed up my life

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming

10. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "go to hell"

12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

CV successful in latest job application

Some of you can probably identify with this already!!!!

A very elderly gentleman - in his mid nineties, walked into an upscale cocktail lounge.

He was exceedingly well dressed, smelling slightly of a good after shave, hair groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel - presenting a well looked-after image.

Seated at the bar is a well groomed, attractive looking lady in her mid eighties.

The gentleman walked over and sat next to her. He ordered a drink, took a sip, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

IMG - the last two aren't in the Top Four!!!

even I know that's a well done mart

enough threads get ruined as it is without the childish / porn related comments that are starting to creep up in number

you three keep it to off topic will ya

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were

swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that

inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to

Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I

wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo

and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by

his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark

boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away

whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new

menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he

thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and

behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his

friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a

prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see

his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to

the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he

set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral

gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,

"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the

enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've

changed.".........

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> .... "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian

Pepsi

CV misunderstands his boss calling him 'damp quib'

wardle family reunion pics released

Mum do you know any of these guys

:wink: :wink:

GBLF's determination knows no bounds

nibblypig - that's true, I see Ian in the middle who is the guy?

wardle family reunion ics released

anyone remember my NY resolutions..............

the bickster - diouf feud part 7

Designer1 leads the VT WOWers outside

Hev gets that job with the electricity board

and before anyone asks about the 40ft bloke, I reckon it's limpid trying to get off page 3 back to the real world

at

Paulobarnesi hears the Tour will start in London sometime

so toonlass IS a redhead

CV decides another London Villans meet is not worth it

^^^ Bahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

thought you would get that one

LBJ's Xray is found

blandy scores yet refuses to leave that bloody fence

JC, IainG and blandy reach a lifetimes ambition

Drats world tour comes to an end. Police are looking for a couple of old muppets

c'mon Rob, get with it