LancsVillan

Lisa's dad will soon see through that disguise

BOF not impressed when asked where the updates to his review were

Risso spends quality time with his WoW mates

didn't read back that far ;-)

Milosevic

Ill take your Milosevic and raise you a Collymore :evil:

neither of which were even around when DO'L came

and FWIW we never lost a penny on Savo.

And I'll always thank him scoring the opener in our last winning final

reports just coming in that a dwarf has stabbed someone at the psychics convention.

the police are looking a Small Medium at Large

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far arse kissing will take you.

A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+18+5+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 131%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close,

and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Arse kissing that will take you to the top.

Mr Well-Hung ;-)

the secrets out :oops:

that limpid one is superb

bloody students and neighbours I should have guessed

and what about Kylie - oops wrong thread

Ligs - it's Jesse Spencer who plays (Robert) Chase in House. And he's a ringer for CV... you can insert your own joke there

Looks nothing like me :evil:

And after all the effort I've gone to to ensure all these have a genuine likeness to posters!

we'll ask Simon.

As for the likeness thing if you retaliate people will whinge that you've blown the screen size ....

Bad news at VT as Mods CV and Ali are merged

Thing is that I worked on the IT side of Ben Agency and I fully agree that they need to look at reducing the benefit burden, however, they also cannot bucket everyone together. Where they promised to review things in the past they failed why is this different.

Anyway I thought the Blair way was to change the way you claim, or rename the benefit and announce a reduction - or was that just unemployment....

It's a target. Just like they have for doctors, and hospitals, and schools.

As you say Al, it's all too neat and tidy and ignores the REAL issues on the ground.

yeah like the fact that my ex-brother in law left her and was then paid over £70k for insurance payoff of which she saw nothing, while she cannot afford food, heating etc for her and the kids.

Or that the CSA will do feck all to chase him when he is late paying again. But all he has to do is say that he saw her out socialising and she has to prove once more that she is unable to work, despite three different specialists saying it.

I'll admit I haven't read too much about this but I have an opinion (like usual). To claim that doing this will get 1 million back to work is wrong as that would mean you think that 1 million are capable of working in the first place.

My sister in law claim Incap Benefit and she would love to go back to work, but the problems with her back mean she cannot work, it really is that simple. Unless you can find a job that allows you to sit down for short periods, then stand at a moments notice until the pain subsides and so on.

I know that this is not true of a lot of claimants but to quote 1 million is just stupid and to me too nice an amount

Ellis announces news of £100M investment in the playing side of the club

My actual headline to this was Villa fans accept DOL has limitations, but I thought better of that

come on Richard - the little subliminal messages dont work now do they?

maybe not Ian but he's right some do seem to think of him as untouchable

heh :-)

and soon to be found on a blog no doubt

CV caught reading improper material

Popular Site Admin otherwise known as Le Lapin, checks into thread and has to go shopping

:clap:

more news just in

Lancashire man to sue for dameges caused by recent rise in tensions on website:

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new

stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK old fart, time for you to retire.”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?”

The young rooster says, “Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.”

The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs. “You know you don’t stand a chance old man.

So, just to be fair I will give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Dammit... third gay rooster I bought this month.”

Moral of this story.... Don’t mess with the OLD FARTS - age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

At the Metropolitan Art Gallery in New York, a husband and wife were

staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three totally naked black men sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink

willy. The Curator of the gallery spotted that the couple were

obviously having trouble interpreting the painting, and so he offered his

assessment.

He explained how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African

Americans in a predominantly white patriarchal society. "In fact", he pointed out,

"some serious critics believe that the pink willy also reflects the cultural

and sociological oppression experienced by gay black men in contemporary

society". The couple were still confused, but reasoned that the Curator

must have known what he was talking about so they thanked him for his

explanation.

After the Curator left, the couple were approached by a Yorkshireman.

He said to them "Would tha like to know what t'painting's really about?"

The couple were rather taken aback. "Now why would you claim to be more

of an expert than the Curator of the gallery?" said the woman

disdainfully.

"Cos I'm t'fella what painted it", he proudly replied. "In fact,

there's no African Americans in it all. They're just three coal miners from

Barnsley".

"T'lad in t'middle went home for his dinner"!

me... ;-)

and bicks is 'grunt insignia' not sold in Elizabeth Duke

Just because she's inflatable doesn't make her any less of a woman.

I'll tell JC you're taking Lisa then