LancsVillan

met God at petrol stations twice on the way home from matches, great man asked if we'd enjoyed the game, where we came from and were we mad

hmm ahamaad you need to sort the options out mate

for me McGrath easily at present, now who saw that ability and turned him around?

Two big blokes in a pub.

One says "Your round"

The other replies "So are you, you fat bastard"

hey Risso he's talkng about us, you hold him

I'll go for the pies

bet he's not too happy at the moment, good foil for JPA ;-)

Cole - greater potential, links play better

Beattie - over-priced at that valuation ( I reckon we'll be offered him for £6m in Jan)

Cole for me...............

best and most important are not the same thing need to separate it

Best for me JPA as he wins us most games

Most important would be very much a toss up between Olof and Gav

note tho that all three are the spine of the team

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a

group of building workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe

in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot. One

day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start

building a house on the empty plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the

activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung

around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less

adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her,

let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her

little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope

containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to

her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the

bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the

cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her

'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

"You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men

building a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house

again this week, as well?"

The little girl thought for a moment and said, "I think so. Provided those

c*nts at Jewson deliver the f**king bricks.

This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the article was

"Best Come Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male

resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public

indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on

Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to

stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one

around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone

interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked

out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in

it,and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident

embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a

Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience Until

officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"That was an unusual situation,that's for sure,"said officer Taylor." I

walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I

just went up and said, "Excuse me sir , but do you realize that you're

having sex with a pumpkin?". "

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said, .... "A pumpkin? F*ck me, is it midnight

already?"

well if it was a wasted talent it must be our now infamous dogger

no paddy not you don't get all excited

cannot believe this poll is so close

well as I couldn't vote both I went for someone else

for my money I would go for

Noy - Gav - Lee and GB

bri - forget the hits assists he hasn't even looked like one and as for those 35 yarders at the moment they wouldn't travel that far

"....well we tried to get James Beattie....blah blah blah.......which goes to prove we're trying to invest in the playing staff and improve the squad blah blah blah"

I see this as potentially more damaging to him, surely this wily old fox won't use such a see-through defence?

why not he's used it before on numerous occasions

and that's the thing with wily old foxes - lemmings and muppets are scared of them

good question I thought it would have been archived by now

must say I enjoyed the crunchie at North Greenwich tube last night bargain at 50p

BT will not go to Liverplop he aint Spanish

BT will not go to ManUre - simply would not fit with RVN

in a flash of inspiratin I worked out what was wrong with the board and just looked at how far down this board the joke thread had fallen

so

A bloke walks into a bar with a crocodile. Predictably, most of the patrons scarper and the barman complains. But the owner of the croc says, "No worries, mate, watch this." Picking up a bottle, he smashes it over the croc's head. No reaction, other than a wag of the head. The bloke then gets his cock out and puts it in the croc's mouth, but again the croc just wags its head. Then a fellow punter asks if he can try it.

"Help yourself, mate," says the owner.

The punter proceeds to smash a bottle over the croc's head and then put his cock in its mouth. The croc just gives its usual response. Word spreads and several blokes try it. Then an old biddy walks up for a go.

"Can I just make one request, though?" she asks the owner.

"Ask away, " he replies.

"Don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

Not one player will be signed at £6m or more

I`d go for Beattie myself, he is the best goalscorer outside of the top 4 clubs. (Apart from Poppins)

JPA you got the answer JPA t othat and said the real JPA hasn't scored over seasons yet he has, except for the GT Mk2 debacle.

Also on the above point I would rather .... come on fingers work..... you know you can ...... ForSale than Beattie as he is a better scorer than Beattie as is JFH and probably Veruca as well not looking too good IMO that bit is it?

Neither as for that much money we have a different requirement. Unless JPA is going to be out longer than we heard originally. Would rather look at a creative midfielder as CC/ DV / MA / LM are sufficient to cover for a week or two.

IF this is one of those you must make a vote type things it would be Yakubu as I reckon Beattie has been found out and is on the way down

^^ no but one of the chelsea could be them or redscouse

you really think that Rich, didn't know ;-)

i've gone for 5-8th as well

Agree with Risso, test the water first,

save up as much as you can to cover say three month's essential bills, just in case, whilst doing one

see about one of the many funding opportunities that may apply

do it - I would if a) i had skill that was marketable had the blx as that is what it takes

Good luck if you do and remember us when you make a million

^^^

He's back , Jimmy's back

oops just realised I was supposed to vote on who would win not which film was best :oops: