Cinderella, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were sitting around talking, as they normally do.
Cinderella said, "I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and that makes me feel great."
Tom Thumb said, "I'm the smallest person in the world, and that makes me feel good."
Quasimodo says, "I'm the most miserable, tight-fisted, ugly **** in the world, and I'm damned proud of it! But a thought has occured to me. How do we know for sure that these things are true?"
"I know," said Tom Thumb, "Let's go see Merlin the Magician. He has a crystal ball and will be able to see if what we say is true." So the three of them trot off down the road.
Cinders goes first. After a while she comes out, puts her arms in the air and sighs, "It's true, I am the most beautiful."
Tom is next, goes in, and soon comes out punching his fist in the air, "Aw'right! I am the smallest!"
Quasimodo goes in. Suddenly there is a loud scream. He comes out looking very pissed off and says, "Who the **** is Rantin Rob?"