villahero

sven overlaoded that one !!

barry austin

don't worry, he eats it 10 minutes later !!!

have 4 pairs but i am a size 6 so i get bargains as that seems to be the size all places have left !!!. the last pair i bought were lacoste , size 6 , only one left ...20 quidders !!!. Also have pair of Samba, reebok and henri lloyd. In the past have had some corkers.....remember nike omega ( red, orange yellow ) puma G vilas , adidas all black ( with the cricket pad tongues ) adidas adicolor where you coloured the stripes yourself !! and adidas LA trainer which is back out !!!...oh i love my trainers...

from the NOTW today ...but then the Villa boss moved on to try to temper the protests with the promise of jam tomorrow, giving a massive hint that the club would be making a significant announcement soon. it immediately sparked speculation of an imminant takeover or at least a major investment in the squad at the end of the season. but all o'leary would admit was " hopefully we might have some news- that i can't go into - and there could be light at the end of the tunnel this summer " make of it what you will friends !!

see that Michael Bolton .....

the birds were ok though !!! :winkold:

and he was shite too !!

Lister: come on Rimmer, are you a man or a munchkin ? Rimmer ( sings ) : i'm off to see the wizard !!!

much preferred ' Filthy rich and catflap ' , class sitcom, very, very silly

ahem....3 series and 1 christmas special !

" ploppy, son of ploppy the jailor " " oh no, my father, daddy ploppy, he was known as ploppy the slopper, it's from him i inherited my fascinating skin diseases" " you are to be congratulated ploppy, for we live in an age where illness and disease are commonplace....and you are without doubt the most repulsive individual i have ever met...i would shake your hand, but i fear it would come off "......" now then woman...if indeed you ARE a woman"....... utter class

that's not true......Bobby Davro has never been that funny !!

barry george

2 I.T guys were chatting in a pub after work, " guess what mate " says the first I.T guy " yesterday i met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar" " what did you do " asks the other I.T guy " well, i invited her over to mine, we had a couple of drinks got in the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off " " you're kidding me ? " says the other I.T guy " i took her miniskirt off, then lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop " " REALLY ?".....says the second I.T guy....."you got a new laptop ? "

A man goes to the doctor and shows him his penis. The doctor looks at it and sees it's full of holes. The man says " it's terrible, when i piss it's like a watering can and goes everywhere " the doctor says " i think you ought to go and see Mr Croft ' " is he a specialist cock doctor ?" asks the man " no" says the doctor " he's a clarinet player, he''ll show you how to hold it "

bah, my favs not in there, i loved the wolf and sheepdog. they arrived together for work, both clock in then the sheepdog watches over the sheep whilst the wolf tries to steal them. never succeeds gets battered then they clock off and leave together. class anyone remember ?

some quickies Q whats got 4 arms and licks ants ? A 2 uncles ( think about it ) Q whats got 120 teeth and guards a monster ? A my zip kid watching animal documentary about dragonfly. He says to his dad " look at this dad, a daddy longlegs on top of a mommy longlegs " his dad looks puzzeled and says " there's no such thing as mommy longlegs !!'.. the kid replies " uurggh....the dirty bastards " doctor walking round a mental ward when he sees a patient sitting upright pretending to drive a car.. " what are you doing " he asks the patient " i'm driving my ferrari enzo " he replies...the doctor smiles " but you have no car "...the bloke in the next bed says " **** off you, i get a fiver a week for washing that !"

> The 1st Affair > > A married man was having an affair > with his secretary. > One day they went to her place > and made love all afternoon. > Exhausted, they fell asleep > and woke up at 8 PM. > The man hurriedly dressed > and told his lover to take his shoes > outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. > He put on his shoes and drove home. > "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. > "I can't lie to you," he replied, > "I'm having an affair with my secretary. > We had sex all afternoon." > She looked down at his shoes and said: > "You lying bastard! > You've been playing golf!" > ************************************** > > > The 2nd Affair > > A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters > but always talked about having a son. > They decided to try one last time > for the son they always wanted. > The wife got pregnant > and delivered a healthy baby boy. > The joyful father rushed to the nursery > to see his new son. > He was horrified > at the ugliest child he had ever seen. > He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. > Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! > Have you been fooling around behind my back?" > The wife smiled sweetly and replied: > "Not this time!" > *************************************** > > > The 3rd Affair > > A mortician was working late one night. > He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, > about to be cremated, > and made a startling discovery. > Schwartz had the largest private part > he had ever seen! > "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician > commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated > with such an impressive private part. > It must be saved for posterity." > So, he removed it, > stuffed it into his briefcase, > and took it home > "I have something to show > you won't believe," he said to his wife, > opening his briefcase. > "M y God!" the wife exclaimed, > "Schwartz is dead!" > ************************************ > > The 4th Affair > > A woman was in bed with her lover > when she heard her husband > opening the front door. > "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." > She rubbed baby oil all over him, > then dusted him with talcum powder. > "Don't move until I tell you," > she said, " pretend you're a statue." > "What's this?" the husband inquired > as he entered the room. > "Oh it's a statue," she replied, > "the Smiths bought one and I liked it > so I got one for us, too." > No more was said, > not even when they went to bed. > Around 2 AM the husband got up, > went to the kitchen and returned > with a sandwich and a beer. > "Here," he said to the statue, have this. > I stood like that for two days at the Smiths > and nobody offered me a damned thing." > ************************************** > > The 5th Affair > > A man walked into a cafe, > went to the bar and ordered a beer. > "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." > "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. > He glanced at the menu and asked: > "How much for a nice juicy steak > and a bottle of wine?" > "A nickel," the barman replied. > "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. > "Where's the guy who owns this place?" > The bartender replied: > "Upstairs, with my wife." > The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs > with your wife?" > The bartender replied: > "The same thing > I'm doing to his business down here." > *************************************** > > The 6th Affair > > Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. > He looked up and said weakly: > "I have something I must confess." > "There's no need to, " his wife replied. > "No," he insisted, > "I want to die in peace. > I slept with your sister, your best friend, > her best friend, and your mother!" > "I know," she replied, > " now just rest > and let the poison work."

how do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach ?.....it's not hard !!!!

Bloose fan nips into a boozer on his way home from work, after a while his mobile rings, he sees it's his missus, answers and says " **** ! how did you know i was in here ? "

old mavis goes to see a spiritulist/medium as her husband Albert has been dead one year and she misses him terribly. The medium holds her hand and asks " is Albert with us ? " there comes a reply " yes, i am here "....Mavis is shocked " oh Albert, it's me Mavis, how are you dear, i miss you so much " ALBERT........hello love, i miss you too, but it 'aint so bad here on the other side MAVIS..........how come love, what are you up to ? ALBERT........well i do a lot of swimming for a start, it's great MAVIS.........really, because you hated water whilst we were together ALBERT........yes but as i said, it's different here on the other side....i fly a lot too you know !! MAVIS..........FLY ?...you never once went in the air whilst we were together...flying ? swimming ?...i don't understand !!! ALBERT........Mavis dear.....i can't really do owt else...i'm a **** duck !!!!

best thread since the ' aussie villa ' one !!!

the bloke 2nd up i mean

that has to be a syrup !!!