Midfielder

2 hours ago, lapal_fan said:

It's official, @Midfielder has no life.

Chill out! You're like a dog with two bones.  Like @theunderstudy before you, you will burn yourself out with the high post count, huge posts and little time  

Menstruerande flicka! 

I work three days a week and have plenty of time thanks, plenty for a VT long post and plenty for you too, sugar-tits. 

Also, never heard of TheUnderstudy, did search function, profile view, last visited in 2015. Sounds like he left VT to write a thesis-length post, probably still writing it. 

1 hour ago, TheAuthority said:

@Midfielder You just the one small bit.

Sir Martin of Laursen is Olof's assistant. 

17 minutes ago, sne said:

1.  AIK-Djurgården-Hammarby = (Solna) Stockholm local rivals.

Malmö FF- Helsingborg IF = regional rivals (Skåne)

IFK Göteborg - Örgryte - GAIS - Häcken = Gothenburg local rivals. Although it's very much like in Barcelona where one team is huge and the others are, well, not.

Malmö FF - IFK Göteborg, 2 most successful clubs historically. 

AIK - IFK Göteborg, Fierce rivals, real hatred. Stockholm vs second city Gothenburg.

There are others but those are the big ones.

3 PL is still by far the biggest I think as most Swedes grew up with it. But Serie A and La Liga is also big nowadays. And of course anywhere that Zlatan plays.

4. I support IFK Göteborg and always have (they are very much like Villa now, rotten to the core) But I cant help admire Östersund and the work Potter is doing there.

5 IFK Göteborg used to be media darlings back in the 80's and 90's when they where hugely successful and miles ahead of all other clubs. Now it's more that different journalists have their own favorite clubs I think. Football journalism is pretty superficial and poor for the most part IMO.  The better journos focus on PL, CL, La Liga...

6. Everyone in Gothenburg is names Glenn and smells like fish. AIK are rats, Djurgården is a ZOO and pelted by bananas (not a racism thing although some always think it is) GAIS are alcoholics, Malmö are Danes, Hammarby are hipsters and also alcoholics (not sure on that one) They are also a bit of a loser club, something they embrace. 

7 Djurgården I think is seen as a bit of a brat's club. Mostly because they are from Stockholm and the whole big city vs country thing. 

8. I don't really mind any of the other Scandinavian countries, but I don't really cheer for them either. Did enjoy Islands success thou.

9 Brunettes!

 

 

 

 

Or blondes... Redheads are also pretty nice

 

Sne is a legend. Cheers bud. That post is massively educational thanks. 

Yeah I remember something way back about DIF and monkeys but had forgotten that distant memory until now. 

Still though, your post above and taking the time for that, come here gimme a man hug, don't fight it!

Ignore the bulge, it's my car keys. Honest. 

Cheers Sne! 

WARNING- MIDFIELDER MEGAPOST- APOLOGIES- PROPHECY ALERT

As said by me and many others on this thread, Mellberg will be back one day and manage Villa. F--k Nostradamus and even Mystic Meg's bullsh-- horoscopes.

Time for Mystic Midfielder - 17th July 2017 - prediction. 

Ok let me do this right. Lotus position, cigar, Amstel, sun lounger, eyes closed... relax... ommmmm, ommmmm, yes, oh sh--, the visions they becometh! And the voice, it speaketh through me! Oh f--- here it comes! 

2017/2018 season.

Villa start well, lose consistency, knives out more so for Steve Bruce. Form returns. Terry is proving to be an inspired buy, is leading well, and taking his coaching badges. Villa surge, win playoffs. Terry lifts the trophy at a packed Wembley. For all you'd know, he is holding the World Cup he's that happy, and thinks... I have another year in me. Promotion. 

Meanwhile in Sweden, Olof comprehensively wins the Superettan and gains promotion. Foreign teams start to track his progression but think it is too soon and he is unproven, but showing all the signs of being capable of managing at a much higher level. 

2018/2019 season. 

Villa buy some overpriced players from overseas but also some good domestic purchases. Some deadweight moved on. Villa do ok, inconsistent but getting points here and there. Mission is to simply stay up. Awful cup progress. The wins Villa do get are at home but Villa Park is no fortress. Form takes a massive dive and Villa cannot get a win. Villa support is brutal against Bruce, many more joining Bruce out brigade. John Terry is playing well, fighting fitness issues but is consistent but can be seen berating his defence for ridiculous mistakes and making him work harder when pace is lacking. Villa drop into the relegation zone. Handful of matches left and Tony thinks change is necessary. But, there are no specialist relegation saver candidates available or who would come. Talk of Sean Dyche but Dyche won't budge. Up steps John Terry, who has his coaches badges. Player manager for last games of the season. Except, he drops himself to the bench, always an unused named sub. Miraculously Villa survive the drop. Terry is offered the job full time pending his retirement from playing. He accepts. 

Meanwhile in Sweden... Mellberg managing in Allsvenskan. Reputation grows more as he drags Bromma up the table and consistently into the top 4. They progress to the cup semi final to much applause beating big opposition in the process but strangely lose to a relegation zone team on poor form. Mellberg now is being courted by Rangers but IFK and Malmo make their interest official who are convinced he is the real deal. Mellberg chooses IFK. Mellberg departs Bromma as an icon. 

2019/2020 season

Villa under Terry attract some top young players, many with the Terry spirit and will to win. The football isn't like watching Brazil but Villa are getting results. Villa finish top ten. Tony is delighted, promises major funds for overhaul. In Terry's first full year as a manager, has developed an identity to the club and a machine that works, all cogs turning... Villa fans are delighted.

Meanwhile in Sweden. IFK win the Allsvenskan, Mellberg is treated as a footballing Jesus. His agent starts getting enquiries but he feels one year is too soon and wants to see if he can get IFK past Champions League qualifiers. He stays. 

2020/2021 season. 

Villa have a blinding season, sitting in the top four for most of the season. Cup progression distracts, injuries, suspensions, Villa lose form. The unlikely and unexpected dream of Champions League qualification fades, but Villa finish in the Europa League space but don't need it as Villa win the League Cup. OH DEAR. Antonio Conte becomes Barcelona manager, and Chelsea fans demand the return of John Terry. Abramovich isn't sure and wants someone bigger and proven, but the fans voice is loud. Terry prepares to leave Villa as a Villa icon and wishes the club well but jumps at the Chelsea chance. 

Meanwhile in Sweden. IFK, indeed they do make it into the Champions League group stage and is acclaimed for doing so, league form suffers but IFK finish second but behind first place by a heavy margin. RING RING "hi this is Tony. We have just had a great experience giving John Terry the job and he is off to great things now. The fans want you Olof, you are a son of this club. Come home." God damn, fk me. There is over use of the ITS HAPPENING meme but no one cares as this, is bigger than Jesus coming back. 

The year is 2021. It is a great summer. Fans surround Villa Park as Olof turns up for his press conference. Many VillaTalk members have accidentally jizzed in excitement. Bizarrely, there's a section of VillaTalk who are totally against Mellberg's appointment and want someone more in line with the club's stature and new found direction and ambition for the Champions League.

And so it begins, 2021, the year of the beard. The year that many sons are named Olof at birth in Birmingham and China (as Villa are huge there now). Villa begin the season with the man, the legend, at the helm. Life is good. 

Oh wait the visions, they fade! The voice, it silences.... aaaaand the prophecy ceases. Damn this channelling the supernatural really takes it out of you. Mystic Midfielder, signing off. 

Dear Swedes

Random banter with Tegis the other day (Djurgardens / AIK rivalry) made me curious. Hope you don't mind some questions. I and other non-Swedes might learn a thing or two, cheers for your time. 

1- what major rivalries are there between Swedish teams? 

2- aside from geographical rivalries, what rivalries are there that have come about due to other reasons?

3- are the English leagues the main interest with regard to foreign leagues and if not what leagues are? 

4- regardless of the Swedish team that you do support, what Swedish team, if any, do you have a soft spot for and why?

5- what team are the media darlings, if any? As in... shown most? 

6- what kind of well, slurs are there against sets of fans of teams? For instance, in England, Ipswich / Norwich are seen as or sung about on the terraces as farmers / sheepshaggers, or say Liverpool fans get harshly mocked sometimes relating to ahem theft (used to be of alloy wheels in songs) lesser so now. 

7- what is the perception of Djurgardens IF amongst non DIF fans? I'm aware the King is a fan, several high profile politicians too... but as far as I'm aware they're not exactly hated across Sweden. What say you? Or are they just "meh"?

8- imagine World Cup time, imagine Sweden didn't qualify, but you could pick one or more Scandinavian teams qualify instead and wish well who would that be? For instance, in the UK if England didn't qualify I'd think a lot of people would wish well for Ireland especially, also Northern Ireland and Wales too BUT such is the banter of Scotland / England i would guess a lot of people would want to see Scotland lose, the Scots definitely would support any opposition team playing England for sure. 

Damn that's a lot of questions. Don't have to answer all, just pick any, cheers, recap: 

1- major rivalries 

2- rivalries for "other" reasons

3- what foreign league do most swedes watch?

4- your "soft spot" Swedish team

5- Sweden's media darlings 

6- fan banter / insults 

7- perception of Djurgardens IF

8- the Scandinavian team you'd cheer on at World Cup in Sweden's absence

9- fk it, why not, as a Swede... blondes or brunettes? 

2 minutes ago, Ginko said:

Follow him on Twitter and you'll figure it out.

Cheers fella. Not on the Twitter myself but if I ever do I will

1 minute ago, BOF said:

They are my initials.

Fair enough. 

I've been on VT for a year now and very apt for thread always wondered what BOF stands for, if it stands for anything at all. What say you @BOF ?

Some great user names on here. Childishlythough, even though I know nothing about the guy nor probably ever spoken to him on VT, I love Milfner's name. I think he should have picked James Milfner as his user name if I'm being picky though because that's an even greater name. Unless @Milfner is actually his real surname in which case total kudos. But clearly otherwise this lads all about the milfs and deserves a tip of the hat for his humorous portmanteau. 

1 hour ago, Tegis said:

 

On 14/07/2017 at 14:36, NurembergVillan said:

 

• Celebrity -
• Footballer - 
• Member of a band on tour -
• VT'er -
• Citizen of a country - 
• "Other half" -
• Car to drive -
• Anything else, for a week -

 

Celebrity- Kim Kardashian. One minute into my tenure I would do the world a favour and run a bath, get in, and have Kanye West throw as many electrically connected items as possible in with me. He can get in too if he wants.

Footballer- Zlatan. Incredible physique despite age, powerhouse prowess. Training would be a piece of piss, then on match day put myself about on the pitch, pass well creating opportunities for others that they would return to me ten-fold and with the knowledge I could absolutely blast it on target, do some trickery en route to goal or pass it off at the last minute for someone of my choosing to tap it in. 

Member of a band on tour- He's dead yes, but Kurt Cobain if alive (sorry Jimi). 

VT'er - Limpid. But an evil version of Limpid. Why, so I could have the power for a week to dish out warnings, suspensions or bans to VT'ers in the style of a bored Roman Emporer, dishing it out on a whim. 

Citizen- Sweden. I would dine in Gamla Stan, drink in Ostermalm, go see Djurgardens IF, hire a speedboat and dart all over the archipelago. I'd try my luck with a beautiful leggy blonde and woo her to then spend the rest of my week in the far north in a remote log cabin beside a huge lake for a few passionate days. Then, back to Stockholm and think fk it, I'm staying. 

Other half- see previous answer. Or, if has to be named, Danica Patrick.

See below, and she can provide:

Car to drive- a 2017 NASCAR. Oh yeah. 

Anything else- Nowt. Just the above

Pigeons. 

I live in the middle of nowhere. Small finch type birds, plenty of them, fine, no bother. Noise? Under my radar, nice even. Mess? Never notice. 

Raven type birds occasionally, fine, impressive looking things... noise? No bother. They don't hang about, no mess. 

F-----g pigeons. W t f. Constantly flapping in the hedges and trees really annoying. Then the stupid annoying blood boiling calls and general noise they make. All the time. Take off, fly a few yards land. Stupid noises. Repeat. And shit. Everywhere. Recently cleaned my conservatory. Looks like Stone Roses album cover. So does my truck. 

I leave no food out for these gits I don't know why they like it here. Both other houses here are much bigger and better gardens with more trees etc. My little gaff, why do these gits hang about. 

Rant= everything about pigeons. The noise, their shitting everywhere. And their stupidity. When I'm driving and they're in the road they always take off at the last minute and instead of flying left or right, or above me, no, they just fly forward confused and eventually veer off. Always reminds me of that bit in the sinpsons opening credits where homer is running into the house, head forward but looking left and right as Marge pulls on the drive. I'll get one one day! 

In the bird world, they are the true underclass. Scumbags. 

Just a nod to Thor. Had a disrupted season and hopefully is geared up for an amazing season. Cannot forget how much he stood out in the Euros against top opposition, no fluke. Skilful, industrious, unselfish, exciting ... but we haven't seen the best from him or anywhere near it. Expecting him to shine when given the chance this season. We have a weapon in Birkir that we hadnt fully figured out how to deploy last season, then the injury. 

Come on lad, good luck and I'm looking forward to your appearances, your runs, assists, goals. Everything! 

Not this though. No, none of this Thor:

1 minute ago, mikeyp102 said:

Has anyone ever watched elmohaday that much? I certainly haven't but then I really only watch us these days. Too me he's just one of those you know the name of but haven't really paid any attention to, so don't really know what he would or wouldn't bring to a team.

Exactly the same here. I know the name but not enough about him to slag him off. Was a slight bit disappointed with the link, part of me thought unambitious and "from Terry.... to Elmo, ugh" but then I thought well Bruce knows him a hundred times better than I do and how to work with him. Hardly a bank-breaking transfer in prospect and relatively low risk, minimal time to settle, knows the division and has gotten out of it. 

Its not like with this transfer we're signing someone for many years in first XI, he'd be coming in to do an immediate job. To get the hell out of this division this time round. What happens after who knows, squad rotation, cup games... who knows could even be a first XI grafter and be number one for some time to come. 

Question marks with some of our right sided players be they defenders or winger sorts, Elmo seems versatile to provide competition across a number of positions. 

But like Mikey says, I don't know "that" much about Elmo but I can see the logic and have faith in Tony and Bruce. Also agree with TerryTini. What's more, if this transfer is for the prices banded about in the press, leaves us with greater proportion of budget to spend in other areas. 

Time was, we used to sign players like Milner or Young who had their best years ahead of them and massive sell-on potential. But we have to accept both the reality of our current standing and the task ahead in getting up. Could be a hundred worse signings than Elmo, but technically he is in his prime and could have a lot to offer. 

5 minutes ago, rodders0223 said:

I also cannot wait for him to put that nobody Bacuna in his place the first time he throws a temper tantrum.

Also, bringing some dressing room authority to some of our ahem, occasionally wayward lads. Especially Jack. He will be like another manager on the pitch on the training ground in the dressing room. 

Sure he's made mistakes too, big ones. But one thing he never did was throw it all away. The word leader has been said many times, but how we have lacked that. 

In a way on a slight level, this is like Zlatan's season at United hopefully. He did it on the pitch for sure, and in the dressing room, that infectious winning aura that shines into others, and the fact they tear shreds off anyone who doesn't pull their weight. Winners like that don't stand for much BS off team mates as anything that way negative affects their wins so hopefully he will help align some personalities back to the cause of promotion and not just the carefree life of a well paid pro. 

Anyway all been said already by others and I'm happy with signing too. Really hope though that he brings about a more committed dressing room culture and if any individuals still go against the grain well between Bruce and him, we will more quickly weed out those who don't care this season as he won't even want them on the pitch with him. 

Going to be a different experience here but having captained the likes of gimps and egos like Drogba, Costa etc, he has a good CV for bossing those sorts and transfers slightly as a skill set for tackling our "passengers". Good. We need that. 

4 minutes ago, Wezbid said:

 

The limited amount of games the past few years could Jane extended his career. 

 

Freudian slip there from our Wez, who's Jane you dirty dog.

Or are Jane's "techniques", to Terry, some kind of career extending elixir? Like a red-light version of Hoddle's Eileen Drewery? Sounds legit, sign me up too. 

All confirmed on BBC site! 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40476873

Aston Villa have signed former Chelsea and England captain John Terry, the Championship club's owner Dr Tony Xia has announced on social media.

The 36-year-old defender's contract at Stamford Bridge expired on 30 June.

Terry, who won 78 caps for England, played 717 games for Chelsea and won his fifth Premier League title in May.

Villa finished 13th in the Championship last season but Steve Bruce's side are among the favourites to win automatic promotion to the top flight in 2017-18.

Birmingham City manager Harry Redknapp said in June that his club had made an offer to Terry, who announced in April that he would be leaving Chelsea.

Terry has played for only two English clubs - Chelsea and Nottingham Forest, with whom he had a short loan spell in 2000.

Welcome JT. I am glad to have you here and look forward to your leadership.

I think it is a compliment to our club, that of all the offers he had, and for more money offered no doubt in US and China, that he has CHOSEN to come here. I read somewhere that he has had about ten to twelve offers.

Thanks JT for seeing something in us, that hopefully, we are going up and that you want in on that. All that time at Chelsea and you think you still have something to give, you;re a fantastically wealthy man who doesn't need the money, so you are clearly playing for the love of the game AND that you WANT to be wearing the claret and blue. Thanks also to TOny and Bruce for being willing to risk spending all that money on a 36 year old in his final couple of years, and furthermore having the balls and the ability to pull this transfer off. 

Again, welcome JT. Loving it.

Have some of that you f------ bluenose b-------s.

Some scumbag in our work keeps going around and f-----g up NHS workstations. No its not them hackers, its this nob called Midfielder who only discovered yesterday this:

Sideways Screen: Try pressing Ctrl + Alt + UP Arrow Key, or try Ctrl + Alt + and a different Arrow Key.

So far, not caught and not suspected but the net is closing in after a dozen or so victims collectively vow to accost the immature phantom behind it all. 

8 hours ago, Paddywhack said:

I got really into gardening last year, bored of it now. The weeds have won.

After mowing the lawn I take the mower through the flower beds too. Done. Life's too short for weeding.

Amen to that, spent half the weekend batting away bees and flies that were relentless, f--- the flowers 

As Uncle Monty once said 

 Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees.

On 21/05/2017 at 21:38, Midfielder said:

See that turd there. Won't know til tomorrow if I've got to have whole engine replaced. Breakdown guy said yeah you've definitely done the engine etc but it's parked outside a garage who won't know anything about it til they open and hopefully they can do the work or even want the work or I'll have to arrange flatbed to move it! 

Either cambelt went or the engine itself went. Dammit. Gonna be expensive poss close to 3k  look after it oil everything regular service , boll---! Agh! Not even close to cambelt interval either nor nowhere anywhere near a whole engine replacement, Jesus Christ

thread title. What do you drive. 

Answer. Nowt. Or possibly a hire car for god knows how long or rural bus service! 

Anger! Misery! Rant over

Villa tank needed new flywheel (which apparently never breaks, just my luck) all in cost 780 notes w t f. Still, proves the RAC gimp scaremongered me with talk of new engine and all sorts of up to three grand. Two weeks ago fixed all ok since and fingers crossed. Until next time. 

oh "L200s workhorses never any issues bulletproof" yeah my arse. Anyway. Just "reppin for the rednecks" on here whilst the many beautiful newer cars on this thread rock on all nice and dandy. 

Mellberg=  Bromma 

Ljungberg= Superettan 2017

Here's a clue how it all goes 

Kung Olof DESTROYS IT

On 15/06/2017 at 05:50, maqroll said:

1-  I'd end up being confronted by a faceless something/someone, and they would slash me to death.

2- ut it wasn't a traditional villain, or anyone I know...it was something maybe from within myself..

3- I don't know what it was, but the atmosphere of the dream was total dread, and extreme evil.

1- 

2- 

3- 

Maqroll. I have the same nightmare. Over to you Bruce and the boys.