Hev

What has Mellberg done to his hair though!! Awful

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until,one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller,'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and

says,'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.''No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid,

and her mom horrified when he sits back down,but

no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks.

So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way

with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still,

Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts,

All right, that's enough, I'll do the f**!@!$' dishes

Brilliant general, from my seat in the Witton Lane Upper, could see you clapping with your hands above your head and hugging Randy when the second goal went in and at the end - top men you are

No Ladies Kit this year then? Oh well, thanks for your explanation anyway General, - hopefully back next year eh

Brendan Mahoney - I believe that Lorna McClelland teaches the foreign players English though.

general, one season (it was the famous david Dunn trip game) - Villa screened the game from the Sky in the Holte Suite and in front of the Holte End - the Holte Suite screening cost more but included a brilliant traditional english breakfast (the kick off was 12 noon) - it was absolutely brilliant and the breakfast was great too! We also had a free glass of bucks fizz in the price

Any chance of the shop stocking a few Browns Baseball caps ?

Great Kits general - presumably they will be available in ladies fit too?

Good article John, - same way that I feel too - I'm just impatient I guess - PLEASE can we sign someone - today if poss

Hi general. Just wondering about John's earlier question - which is something that worries me too That is , security at the ground. With the new terrorist alert, you just can't feel safe. Personally, I never mind my bag being searched - at away games, we nearly always get frisked and our bags checked but at home games, generally nothing - now I guess us Villa fans are trustworthy in the main but I would feel a heck of a lot safer if we could step up our security. Any plans to do so General ?

Please let the Vindaloo Carew one catch on - it's so much better than Carew's on Fire!

General, Elgar, the composer of Pomp and Circumstance (Land of Hope and Glory) lived in a village called Lower Broadheath in Worcestershire - so there is a "local" connection too.

Grievemeister - wasn't the one we used to sing years ago "We hate Nottingham Forest, We hate (whoever - maybe it was Albion) too we hate Birmingham City, but Villa we love you"?

I agree that the "on fire" chant is crap - absolutely awful. the Vindaloo one is miles better . I love the Gareth Barry one too.

That's right, the letter to which you are referring is not the renewal "pack" I went to Villa Village at the weekend and picked up a couple of packs and all the details of the easy payment scheme and everything you need are indeed in the packs. (Mine still hasn't arrived in the post though) - will be filling in my renewal pack and dropping it back at the weekend. Probably as you say, we are not used to such good communication but, nevertheless, the letter does quite clearly state "Your renewal pack will be with you shortly" so probably best not to bother the General about it ! :oops:

Brilliant day today. The scarves are fantastic, the atmosphere was great and the chants for Randy were brilliant. With the 82 squad coming out and the scarf waving - it was awesome and quite emotional. Thanks General and thanks to Randy and all of you. Thank god we have you. :notworthy:

Dear General, It says in the Birmingham Mail that Randy won't be at the game on Saturday? Is that correct? I am a little suprised if he isn't as he would probably want to meet the Euro heroes . You will be there though won't you? I guess if Randy can't make it, it will be because he has other committments and we will understand.

Thanks for all that's happening though. Love the new Crest and the training ground looks awesome from what bits I've seen

Yes, please General, could yourself and Randy join the end of season lap? (and Mr Kain and all the other new top men of course)

MY LITTLE ODE TO JPA

You came to us from River Plate,

Your first Villa Goal sealed Coventry's fate

The Pound Sign Protests meant you were "Our Signing"

You had some hard times but we never heard you whining

You were always pleasant and played with a smile

(a leading member of my handsome hunks file)

You stayed six and a half years - through good times and bad

But now, in America there are new opportunities to be had

And so, as you leave us for the United States

You say goodbye to all your Aston Villa mates

So Farewell then Juampie, a genuinely nice man

Come back and see us at Villa whenever you can

And no matter when or indeed where you go

You will always be my Villa hero

Off you go to the New York Bulls that are Red

Go for it Juampie, you'll knock em all dead.

So as I wish you good luck and say a sad Goodbye

I'll remember you fondly, with a tear in my eye

Peter Bosworth

John Cresswell

Ryu Yokoi

RJW 63 (in previous incarnation)

Richard

Bicks

Think that's about it. (Although I think DDID lives not too far from me)

Have to agree with everything Cat says - if there's anything that can be done for us to say farewell to JPA, I think it may have to be at the Portsmouth game as it seems he could be off within two weeks. Hopefully, "our General" will be able to help something be sorted on this.

Hero. Unfortunately, the fact that JPA cost £9.5m has always been held against him by some - not his fault, that was the market rate at the time. Really nice person as well.

I feel so sorry that after spending six years at Villa, it looks like unfortunately he is now set to leave - just as (hopefully) we are about to take off, what with the new training facilities, Randy's money etc. I would have loved to have seen JPA running around holding a cup aloft - I feel so sad that he was clearly here at one of the greatest periods of turmoil and now as things look up, JPA looks set to depart. I wish he would stay one more season to share in some of the success. He has endured so much of the bad times , I just wish he could be, even a small part, of the good times which are surely coming.

By the way, his children are called Geronimo and Tomas

Good luck JPA - you'll always be a hero to me and I will always follow your career in the future

(PS Please don't go to another prem team) :cry:

Pierce Brosnan for me - because he was so handsome as Bond - I used to really look forward to the new Bond films as I would go hot under the collar when he did his smoochy scenes!

Sorry, I guess that's not what we are supposed to decide on though is it!

(I haven't seen Casino Royale yet)

I find it very strange that the Away Scheme tickets are sent out so long after they have gone on general sale - I haven't even had the Blackburn ones yet - by the time I come to book the coach, the coaches are pretty full - I never feel quite safe booking the coach until I have the match ticket for some reason - guess I should just book the coach anyway but then I don't think they would say all the coaches were full - I think they'd just put another one on! (Hopefully). I wish though that the away scheme tickets were sent out first. I can't understand the reasoning on this.

News of the World is reporting we're going to offer Angel plus £8m for Keane.

Not sure how I feel about that.

No, I would hate that :cry: . If JPA has to go, I don't want him to go to another prem team - or even another English Team - Spain or back to River Plate - rather he stayed though and maybe started taking his coaching badge or maybe start doing media work - he could be really good at that.

No - loan him out if needs be but only for a month and certainly not to them