victie1

Err..... isn't AVIL the group that's doing the bidding? That is, Michael Neville, not the Comers. He seems to want to take over the club and apparently will look to other investors if the Comers pull out. As such, you won't get an announcement until - like Ranson - he gives up (fails to find backing) and walks away. If the Comers do pull out, I'd be surprised if Neville could find other investors. After all, if Ranson couldn't find them for 45mill when we were 6th..... It is AVIL who need to make the statement but not necessarily to the LSE as no actual bid has been placed, they can just say "feck & ar$e" and walk away without saying a single word and after 60 days it is automatically closed - however if they ot the Villa make another statement via the LSE then the 60 days can start again if anything is worded slightly different. Now I can see Ellis doing this as whilst a takeover looks like it could happen the shareprice continues to be kept high(er) & he can get more money! IMO opinion HDE is trying to find someone who loves the club and doesn't realise this is 2005 & football is run by business men (most of whom speculate to accumulate!!) and they want a profit out of land, tickets etc. etc.

Pelle, expect him to say shortly that the Grim Reaper turned up at his home late one night and pleaded with me to go with him, but in the end he realised the club could not do without me (I showed him the letters I had from fans who support me) you know the Reaper is like a son to me, I taught him everything he knows. :winkold:

Not necessarily John, my understanding is that AVIL have to make the announcement - AVFC only have to make an announcement if more than 1% of the shareholding is sold during the "bid situation" and if no party makes any announcement regarding sufficient acceptances up to 1pm on Day 60 then the whole situation can lapse (Rule 31.6) now looking at the statement that AVIL made on Dec 30th that is when the clock would start to tick

Today's Independent carries this story

It is an old one but a good 'un! Now for something wholy appropriate THE CHAV NATIVITY: There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!' So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right' Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End. Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey' Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella. HAPPY CHRISTMAS

It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and He owes thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready tojump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder "Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas. The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump. "Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!" "Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you, Father Christmas promises him that: 1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend. 2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking. 3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit, you will have no outstanding bills. "Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?" Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over. After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water a little, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is. "36" replies the man. "Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you!?" chuckled the fat gay b*stard in fancy dress

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

GARY GLITTER FACING THE FIRING SQUAD. HAVE YOU ANY LAST REQUESTS? YES. I'D LIKE PETER CROUCH TO SHOOT ME..

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of breeding bulls.They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said "This Bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked a little farther and saw another pen with a sign that said: "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked farther and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You really COULD learn something from this one." THE HUSBAND LOOKED AT HER AND SAID, ' GO UP AND ASK HIM IF IT WAS WITH THE SAME COW." The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery

A man goes to the zoo. When he gets there, there was only a dog. It was a shitzu. TAXI..........

Christiano Ronaldo.............................has been cleared of all sexual assault charges. The woman in question said "he dribbled a lot but got nowhere near the box".

Some are a bit close to the mark but hey - THEY ARE DAMN FUNNY!! A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'. My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients, it's a real shame 'cause he's a really good vet. Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour madame'. Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much. It scared the shit out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again. Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'. A couple in a cafe in Llangollen (where I used to live) asks 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said............... 'Mc Don Alds'. Boss has to lay off Ann or jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off..... Ann says 'You better jack off, I've got a headache'. Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started. Paul McCartney poem inspired by his wife Heather -: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river. It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is! An Asian died and went to heaven, at the gates he saw St. Peter. He said to St. Peter 'I'm here for Jesus' St. Peter turned around and shouted 'Taxi for JC'. Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period. A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her vagina. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the tip of the iceberg!' Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'!

One of the funniest things I have read on her Rob - fecking superb!! Always liked the Welsh [sic]

Pleasure - us old 'uns need to be kind so we can con you pups out of your inheritance for nursing home fee's

Cheeky get if I could find my zimmer-frame I hunt you down :wink:

31 in December

Like SteelCity said I cannot believe the negativity towards Phillips that some have said. OK he might not be Michael Owen but experience, especially upfront, was something we were missing last year AND he will give Luke a lot of really good experience. There is still time for us to go after Keane, Bellamy, whoever the feck we want in fact. The negative posts on here over the past few weeks concerning the 4 guys we've got in are really out of order at times - these guys but be thinking "Welcome to Aston Villa" !!! Hey I am as guilty for negative posts at times but this is getting beyond a joke - look on the plus side: How much business have we done since HDE has been ill??? Bloody loads now that has to be something to smile about?? If DO'L has them on his list then the board must go and get him (or try their damdest) and that is what look like is finally happening We know Phillips isn't going to be our starting striker every week but he is the kind of back-up we have been looking for - ask yourself who would you rather have Cole or Phillips?????? UP THE VILLA !

Distain, another striker (Keane?) and then a couple of squad players (in the Phillips kinda vein!)

Same here too - but I have had to seriously think about it this year, along with the lack of backing and fight from the players the scrotes singing about Tracie Andrews and the SHA constantly really is starting to wear me (& the others around me) down - we came very close to moving to the Trinity this season to get away !!!! UP THE VILLA !

Right 2 things: 1) Funny as **** !! 2) Now have hicups!! SOMEONE HELP?!??!??

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word? (Get another sweet little 80- year-old lady to yell BINGO!)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Virgin on the ridiculous Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women." The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing." "Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?" "No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that grin off your face."

More a Steve Wright True Story (remember that?!?!) than a joke but made me laugh......TAXI !................. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.) (P=The problem logged by the pilot.) (S=The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!) S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S:Took hammer away from midget

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Flat on his ass over by the holy water," the boy informed him