stewiek2

Cracking show last night. Had me chuckling along nicely.

The Ballad of Stampin' Stan - Vince Prince from the Russ Abbotts Madhouse album.

I've heard that in a few weeks Lewis Hamilton will be on taking the shite car round the track. Also, apparently in the past Damon Hill was the stig, and since they had the white uniformed stig quite a few ex-F1 drivers have been the stig. I know Derek Warwick was him for a while.

Marverllous. The spirit of Private eye lives on!

Afternoon General,

Have the board anything special planned for the Man Utd game?

As I'm sure you are aware, Man Utd seem to love playing at Villa Park, and we often seem to role over and let them walk all over us. I know that you can do nothing about the performance on the day, that's MON's job and hopefully he'll have the team raring to go, that they are not 'in awe of the star players' on show. VP will be a sell out and our crowd will be full of voice.

However I believe if you give the fans something extra (such as the scarfs for Sheff Utd), it would really boost the crowds enthusiasm and in turn, hopefully, boost the teams performance.

*crosses fingers and hopes for some free gear*

Can I be selfish and agree that something special for the Man U game would go down a treat with me, mainly because it's my birthday the day after

General,

I think your comment was a great analogy, and the subsequent mouth-piece by werewolf Gold has shown him up for exactly the publicity-seeking idiot we all know he is. I find his comments, as do all Villa supporters, especially the one that he has championed our club as insulting, so on behalf of us all can our board ask for a retraction and apology from him?

Which version of the Ian Brown album?

Just the normal version not the one with the 2nd instrumental CD. Surprised when it turned up early, wasn't expecting it through the door til after or on Monday's release date. Though I WILL be getting the bonus CD version when my wages clear!

Prince - Rebirth of the Flesh (unreleased track)

still loving The World Is Not Yours, Ian Browns new album. Sister Rose and Illegal Attacks are great, the whole album is actually.

Brum is the 2nd city no doubt. IT is FAR more multi-cultural which gives it for me it's status. Only London I would say is more multi0cultural than Birmingham.

Ian Brown - The World Is Not Yours

General,

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before but are there plans to follow the lead which Arsenal have in making the matchday programmes available online as pdf's for those supporters who can't make it to games or overseas supporters to be able to read?

This is a letter sent to Dear Deirdre of the Sun newspaper-

I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton is married to a guy from Liverpool.

My mother and father have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependant on my two sisters who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other is currently being held in Wandsworth on charges of incest on his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who is still a part time 'working girl' in a brothel, however her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the industry working as a manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets, and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a scouser?

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.

Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so **** funny when it's your Mum, is it?"

Ramstein - Feuer Frei

Gotta say the catering/queues was a million times better than last week for the Inter game. Good to see the catring experience extended to the Holte Suite. I said to my mate I was with that I've found the place for my wedding reception!!

Pity about the performance and result but I guess there's a fair few teams expecting better starts to the season as well as ourselves *cough Tottenham cough*

General, a friend told me that a supposed fan on another forum game you some digusting abuse a few days back. As with every club you will get a percentage of complete morons who feel the need to spout vitriol and I hope you didn't take to heart some of his comments. I heard they were bad, but you'll get a few bad eggs in ever crowd sir.

Keep up the great work in answering our queries, good man!

General,

MAy I first ask you to pass on my regards to Marlon Harewood and hope that he feels at home here. And may I also extend thanks to you for looking into my query/grumble about the cup and more specifically the away scheme. I really appreciate it.

As a designer can I ask you to extend congratulations to all involved in the new merchandise involving Nike. Quality throuhg and through. THough can I asl tell you of my most adament annoyance and disdain. Why? Well Seeing the gorgeous kits and other Nike stuff coming through slowly, it means I may have to get a second mortgage out to cover what is being produced. General, the home, away and keepers kits are quality. I love the fact that they are so simple. THe true test of design is to kep it simple, and it's what you do NOT put in rather than what you add, just like cooking. NIke along with those tat the club involved, have hit nailed it. THe black training top is just a sexy top.

A well done to all concerned, and the advertising says pue class too. Love it, a bit too photoshopy but as the theme runs through it works great. May I suggest using the fontage used throughout the corprate usage, ie the Nike ads, the issues of Claret and Blue, the stuff sent out all follow a style. Normally I'd not do that but as the club is looking to establish a new identity then a style fully across the board would help and work.

Oops, sorry to talk 'shop', guess my new job and the better ways have got to me!

Stewie

General Krulak here:

4. Stewiek2. I confess that I am not sure what you are talking about but I will ask Nicky Keye about your issue.

Thanks Big man! Sorry to have a moan. Looking forward to the new season

Prince - Planet Earth

General,

After a season away I've decided to get a new season ticket. All fine and dandy (though the advertising of the prices being what they were 2 seasons ago is untrue, as my season ticket is 380 not the 360 it was - naughty false advertising there!) but I do have a bit of a gripe. You see I am paying by the Easy Payment scheme so paying the extra 25 admin fee. But I've also signed up for the away scheme and cup scheme. But now I find that each scheme has an additional 25 admin fee to it, so for my loyalty I am expected to pay an extra 75!!!! Sorry but that is out of order. AND the club will automatically take the cash for tickets for the away scheme out my account without me being allowed to choose the away games I wish to go to. Let's say that we get a month of alot of away games, that's on a hell of an outlay that I may not want, or more importantly, afford yet may if not careful run up unwanted charges on my account if I don't have the money in my account if the situation occurs. I've been told that you can only cancel a few transactions atm for a few times a season which makes it crazy from a customer liason standpoint.

Can you verify something that before the club takes money out for away or cup games that they will notify myself and fellow scheme members either by email or say text that we have a certain period to agree to such transaction to say yes or no to it before the money comes out automatically, otherwise there will be alot of people getting unwanted bank charges that we do not need or want. I simple automated email with an option of yes or no reply AND/or a texting service should suffice. Rahter pay and extra pound text than 2a fll ticket price if I Can't make it.

the away scheme - you can tell the club in advance by phone or e mail or letter if you don't want a ticket from a game(s). you can also return the ticket before a set date and get a refund.

Hummel's gone, history. We are part of the Nike family as of July 1st. We start today. Simle statement but so much depth to it's meaning.

Sorry NV, I just read the Dads Army comparrison and as I'ma big fan ddin't rea the rest and just poted on wehat I thought was a thing about us anicking willy nilly.

Me big eejit, now gon back and rad original post and totally agree Captain Mainwaring. But do you really feel thats wise

I have to disagree with you on the 'on elong episode of Dads Army' thing. Yet in your own way I totaly agree with you.

It was never about panicking as a show. but showing the enemy that even the most normal person, no matter how dellusional, how wet, how old, how pampered, how weary, could make a difference. Just like this new era for Villa. We all count. We all have a say, a voice. We all post to the general who puts what we say to the board. We all are weary, some panicking, some delussional, some wet, old, pampered etc, but we all, like the platoon at Walmington-on-Sea, have, with Randy, Martin, the general etc, a common goal.

Incidentally it is one of the most perfect pieces of television writing, acting, well the whole packages ever seen.

In the football world, VIlla can be that complete package too.

I thin securitywise we may be the most secure club going. Speaking from what my brothers wife tells me of what her uncle in the FBI at J Edgar Hoover headquarters in Washington says (don't worry general, nothing that would risk national security just that in a way you never really leave the service), you never really lose touch with your 'old friends'. Having a director that has the security links the general has, I'd say Villa Park could literally be the fortress we all talk about.

A tad early I know but can I wish Randy and his family, and yourself and yours a happy July 4th Independence Day.

Prince - Guitar