JohnCresswell

Brilliant

Ok, I've wanted to do this for a while... "I bumped into an old friend the other day, he told me he had taken a job as a postman. He said it was better than walking the streets." "A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy.' " "I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'No, the steaks are too high.' " "A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' " "A man walked into the doctors, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places.' The doctor said 'Well, don't go there any more!' " "A man walked into the doctors. The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time?' The man replied 'I know, I've been ill.' " "I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy." I've gotta say - that last one is bloody brilliant