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War and Peace: The Strikers Villa Are Linked To


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By PauloBarnesi

Tarik Elyounoussi (Fredrikstad F.K)

Eight pages of speculation on Villatalk and with Norwegian Villa fans calling for his signature. The Moroccon Norwegian is rumoured to have been a target for Chelsea, PSV and Tottenham. He’s got one cap (and scored on his debut), and the 20 year old should be available for around £4 million.

Freddie Kanoute (Sevilla)

Formerly of Lyon, West Ham and Tottenham, he recently said he would consider serious offers to return to England. So of course Tottenham have been linked and then we got in there with the usual mix of other clubs.

Kevin Doyle (Reading)

Originally signed for a mere £78,000 from Cork, Doyle’s first season in the premiership, with 13 goals, was followed by a mere 6 goals in the second. So which is the real Kevin Doyle? Would a £4 million transfer be worth it? Its hardly got you buzzing? Kind of like Marlon Harewood II

Sean Scannell (Crystal Palace)

Another story from the cab driver and the Daily Star (and then from the pen of Bill). Steve Claridge seems to think he’s the business, but then again Claridge is a man who loses alot of money gambling, so would he know a good player? Seven pages on Villatalk and sightings of MON at Palace seem to suggest this one might happen

Giampaolo Pazzini (Fiorentina)

Another from the ‘in the know’ Bill Howell. The big surprise is that I can actually discuss him having watched him score a hat trick against England U-21s, scoring the first goal at the new Wembley. On a memorable afternoon, he made former Villa legend Gary Cahill, and Anton ‘Spurs want me don’t they?’ Ferdinand look decidely shaky. On that alone he looked an excellent player. But if this happens will someone pass me a hat to eat?

Ikechukwu Uche (Getafe)

His name means the ‘Power of God’. We are very unlikely to see this power in operation as this was one of Bill’s tips.

Diego Forlan (Atletico Madrid)

Obviously coming to Villa. Why? He scored his first premiership goal against us in a hardly prolific time at Old Trafford. In Spain he’s been a goal machine, so why, bar money, would he want to come back? He says he will if the offer is good and has said he enjoyed his time in England. Again Spurs are the other interested party

Bafetimbi Gomis (St Etienne)

A mix of Kenwyne Jones and Drogba according to one poster and speculation began when The People said we were tracking him. Recently called up to the French squad, he’s said he would prefer a move to Serie A, but wouldn’t object to moving to the premiership. One of the hot properties in France, he has attracted interest from the circus that is called Newcastle. Whether he fancies moving to a club where he has to buy his own suit has not been confirmed

Eidur Gudjohnsen (Barcelona)

Surplus to requirements at Camp Nou, the player who once was at PSV with the transvestite loving Ronaldo, looks likely to move back to the premiership. He’s been linked with Newcastle and West Ham as well as us, which suggests that he’s no longer the hot property he once was.

Peter Crouch (Liverpool)

The man some have dubbed ironically Crouchinho and despite having one year left on his contract, Rafa has dubbed him a £15 million striker. Crouch laughed off this valuation and the man from Sandbanks has been rumoured to want to take him back to Pompey. MON is believed to be a long term admirer and some would see him as an alternative to Carew. He’s a player that people seem to either love or hate and on his day he looks world class. That day is generally once a year and for England against a non descript international team.

James Beattie (Sheffield United)

A few years back we sold Southampton Peter Crouch and then decided that we had found some cash behind the sofa and wanted James Beattie. Four months later and after toast and tea with Doug he decided that Everton was a better destination. His career went into decline, which only stopped with a £4 million transfer to Sheffield United. A prolific year in the championship and the 30 year old's stock has risen again. But being player of the year at the Blades and being the wrong side of 30 surely isn’t what we want. Luckily it comes from the Daily Mirror.

Thierry Henry (Barcelona),

Couldn’t find anything on this guy. Never heard of him and hopefully MON will learn that his type are not wanted. Seriously if Merson says we should break the bank for him, this must be a goer? Luckily before any of you get excited it was Merson who dreamed up this in his Daily Star column or was it... The word is that after a year he misses his daughter who lives in London, though another stranger rumour is that he wants to play in the US. Which is so much closer to London than Birmingham if you use Robbie Savage geography.

Habib Habibou (Royal Charleroi SC)

A striker who has spent last season on loan at Steaua Bucureşti, this was a story from the Mirror. We are apparently battling it out with Stoke and Rangers for this less than prolific striker when we sell Harewood. Luckily the story becomes better when Bill Howell (Isnt the Mail part of the Mirror group) dubbed him exciting and decided that we were in fact chasing him along with PSV, West Ham and Everton. Don’t stories sound better coming from Bill?

Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool)

This was a joke in the Guardian

Andy Johnson (Everton)

When fansfc is the source would you take this seriously? With no quotes, it's a story that even Bill couldn’t have made up

Carlos Tenorio (Al Sadd)

A prolific Ecuadorian who plys his trade in Qatar. This story has been running for a year or so, with Bolton the main protagonists. Setanta then decided that Villa and Wigan were other interested parties. The chances of this happening? More chance of Pete Bland scoring the winner for England in the next world cup.

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