Mandy Lifeboats

@Chindie You might be entitled to Employment Support Allowance, Universal Credit or Personal Independence Payments. I'm no expert but Citizen Advice and gov.uk both have information. Check them out. Don't assume you are not entitled. The only thing you stand to lose is the time it takes to make the claim.

Hal Blaine died at the age of 90. 

He never played with Spinal Tap. 

Coincidence?

Red nose day at work.

It's that time I dread.

Boring ##$&### who spend most of the year being as miserable as sin suddenly decide to do something "wacky" to raise money. A toss pot wearing pyjamas to work is still a toss pot. 

I am not amused that our accountant is wearing a red nose. He's an accountant. He is there to do boring paperwork and generally obstruct everything we do by refusing funds. Take off the red nose!

You always get one idiot that takes things to far. Finding my car decorated was just annoying and added 15 minutes to my journey home. 

I like a joke. Work is normally a real laugh. I like practical jokes. But don't be a miserable git 364 days of the year and then expect to be considered hilarious when Lenny Henry tells you to. 

9 hours ago, Davkaus said:

Ha, I'm far too honest for that! Already told them there are no injuries.

Bit of a twinge in my back, but I think that's more to do with me being shit at football than the crash!

Classic sign of PTSD. 

In the next month you'll wake up in a cold sweat after terrible nightmares. 

In the next year you'll withdraw from society and become a drifter.  

In the next decade you'll be recruited to do a covert mission for the Highways Agency to look for survivors of RTA. 

Well......that's what your no win no fee lawyer will tell her insurance company. 

There is no advice I could give on such a personal matter. But I hope it helps to know that others are reading your posts and empathising with you. All the best. 

My grandad forced a low flying German plane to flee back to Germany by shooting the pilot with his service revolver. 

It was 1976 and he couldn't go within 2 miles of Birmingham airport ever again. 

True story.........

My Great-Uncle landed in France a few days after D-Day. His unit was told to press inland around known German strong points. He was walking across a field when there was a huge explosion. He woke up in a hospital ship on his way back to England. His light shrapnel wounds soon healed and he rejoined his unit which was now on the German border. Again they were told to press into Germany avoiding any strong resistance. Another explosion from nowhere and he woke up on the way back to England again with light shrapnel wounds.

He fought in 2 battles, invaded 2 countries, had 2 wounds, never saw a German and never fired a shot in anger. 

We have employed a new colleague. She is from Germany. She has just been given her National Insurance number. 

It begins S S

Ouch. 

Sadly I can't see the Patriots losing. I hope it's either a great game or the Patriots dominate and I can get to bed at a sensible hour. 

Jeremy Hardy was one of my all time favourites. Just hearing him sing on ISIHAC makes me smile. 

His brief appearance in Blackadder Goes Forth is also a favourite. 

A sad loss. 

@bicksteris spot on.

The current act and the previous one do not compel you to disclose. They just outline situitions where it's permissible without being prosecuted . For instance you can disclose anything if you feel it would help prevent or detect a serious crime, prevent harm to an innocent party or is in the general public interest. There are thousands of bits of law that compel you to give information. There is also the over-riding ability for me to see a judge and get a court order. With a court order I can do whatever the order says and take whatever the order says is necessary.

In all cases like this the first question you should always ask this 2 part question: 

"Is this a request or a legal obligation?"

"If it's a legal obligation please state the legislation or provide me with the court order." 

Any legitimate and credible authority will be able to provide the order or quote the broad legislation they are using. 

Always remember that the law expects you to be a "reasonable man". If a reasonable man knew something that would prevent serious harm to another or prevent a serious crime you aren't going to be prosecuted if you divulge that to a relevant authority. 

A work colleague drove to the Vets. It was only as he was standing at the reception that he realised he hadn't taken the dog with him. 

Greet the doctor with a firm handshake, look him straight in the eye and say "I hope neither of us hurts one another today."

It focuses their mind. 

2 hours ago, choffer said:

Colonoscopy. Sounds like fun, right?

I’ve one on Wednesday. Anyone got any experience that will allay my fears or terrify me?

They've suggested sedation is not mandatory. Guess I’ll take a book to take my mind off it what they’re up to down there. 

Been there. Done that.  Not as bad as you think. As @Chindie says the stuff they give you to empty you out is very effective. 

As for sedation.  I had sedation for a different proceedure. They started with a light sedation and it was still an unpleasant experience. So they increased the dose. I don't recall anything for about 30 minutes. I came around feeling like I'd just woken from a normal sleep. 

Happy New Year All

I'll be spending the evening at home with Mrs Lifeboats and several bottles of Afghanistan's finest Chardonnay.

Help!!!!!

I have many skills but dealing with technology is definitely not one of them. 

I have a 15 year old TV and Freesat from Sky (which I understand isn't the same as Freesat?)

I want to buy a new TV but the present TV and Sky box are so old that they still use scart connections. Therefore I want to get an updated box with HD. 

I don't really understand if set top boxes are automatically compatible with SKY Freesat?  Many of them say Freesat compatible but I don't know if that includes SKY Freesat? 

All mammals, regardless of size, take an average of 21 seconds to empty a full bladder. 

Either your God created them that way, or its a trait that shows mammals evolved from a common ancestor. 

Best -

A city facing room at Shangri-La @ The Shard. 

Nastro Azzurro in Sorrento. 

Worst - So many to choose from that I can't remember.  I once stayed in one in Middlesbrough where the bed was supported by 4 beer crates; the locals in the bar made it clear we were not welcome and the owner sat with us a breakfast wearing a nightie and dressing gown. He didn't look good. 

The most dangerous places for a drone to hit a plane are the nose and wings. 

Therefore every plane should be equipped with a series of spinning blades in those vital areas. The blades would be powered by petrol engines and would spin so fast that they would shatter nearby drones.

I'm thinking of calling the device a "Professional drone repellor" 

If only I could think of a shorter name. 

Trust me........it's a winner. 

I've just purchased £100,000 worth of pumpkins. 

The sales figures have shot up recently.