theunderstudy

Or kevin kilbane.

Scottish equivalent is gary Caldwell.

Mildly racist joke here......

Why do irish people wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.

Two pieces of black tarmac are sitting in a bar. All of a sudden a piece of red tarmac busrsts in, comes over to the two black pieces of tarmac, beats one up and then storms out. The other piece turns to the barman and says "what was up with him?" The barman replies "Him? Oh he's a cyclepath"

To be honest I expected cuts whoever was being in power, I don't see why the Tories are being demonised about it in all honesty. We need to make cuts tbh. As for labour, they've had the last 13 years in charge, and our country hasn't been exactly booming underneath them was it? I'm just going to sit back and watch what happens.

Also I don't see why people don't vote. If you deliberately don't vote, don't bitch about any decisions made.

Hitchhikers Quadrilogy

Lord of the Rings trilogy

King solomon's Mines by H rider Haggard is a classic as well.

To be honest we've all pissed in a sink.... Well my mate went a step further and shat in a urinal when he was pissed. Niiiiiiice,

Well okay BOF.....

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann jokes and Madeleine McCann? The jokes will get old...

Yeah, there hasn't been this much fuss about minors escaping an underground pit since the Fritzls.

Yeah I really want to watch the Social Network, looks good in all honesty.

what do you call two Spanish firefighters? Jose and Hose B.

Good stuff

Too Shy - Kajagoogoo

Bear in mind university is not the only path a student can take upon leaving school.... I'm not at Uni, and my life is pretty good.

If that mine was full of white men in some english speaking country, they'd have got out long ago and healthily compensated at that.

Meh. Hope they're grand.

You sure about that?

There's a limit to how fast you can drill through rock.

This rescue is two months ahead of schedule, I doubt anyone could have done anything differently.

1) We let other countries mine, after all the only decent resource to come out of Britain in the past 30 years was the internet.

2) They had to drill down through a lot of rock, and that takes time. You;ve gotta do it delicately otherwise they'll all die.

3) Our health and safety laws are much stricter than Chile's so an incident similar to this would have in all likelihood not have happened. H&S is a nuisance sometimes, but a lifesaver others.

Andy - are you limited to the amount of youth players you allocate to the club?? If so, who have you selected and who have you omitted??

We seem to have quite a few youngsters in the academy and reserves!

Only limited by them having to be 16 around July/August time. There is one omission from the squad who is not there because I cannot be certain of his age.

we got some nigerian "16" year old??

I suppose it could be.... after all he would be too distracted with the Nigerian asking HIS details.

I dunno, but Bannan was fantastic (again)

Turning up at a Village fete which has boating activities dressed as aa Somali pirate does not go down very well.

Anyone else watching that PhoneShop on E4?

Distasteful one here (if Joe has stolen this off my facebook I will be fuming)

I went for dinner at my girlfriend's house last night., and we had a massive argument. Basically, she asked me to turn on the vegetables - how was I to know she didn't mean fingering her disabled sisters?

Two hunters are in a wood. THey are walking along when suddenly, one slips on a rock and smacks his head against a rock, and lies unmoving. THe other turns round and goes over to his pal, and checks his pulse... it's very weak and he's not breathing, and his friend's face has gone waxen and pale, so he rings the emergency services. "Hello?" Answers the operator. "Hi," says the hunter "We're in the woods and my friend has slipped on a rock, he's not breathing, he's waxen andI think he might be dead" The operator answers "Well, he might not be dead, first of all you have to make sure he IS dead" There is then a loing pause, interrupted by a loud gunshot, then the hunter comes back on the phone "Now what?"

Yeah but surely that means there are more Turks in Berlin (in Europe) than any other place in Europe SAVE Istanbul? Which is half in Europe?

I know chletenham is posh in parts, but its not in others, trust me!

The woird Chav comes from the description of a hoodie from Cheltenham, and as in parts that's the norm, the term was xoined "cheltenham average" or "chav". Not council houses and violence as most people believe.

The Sugarhill Gang - Apache (Jump On It) (I did a drunk half-robot dance to this whilst out once... Jump Om It now being a part-time nickname for me

(I know I'll get the bindunne for this one - or no laughs)

Apparently Mahatma Gandhi had lots of blisters, was wise, quite frail, and had an annoying case of bad breath. Making him a "Super callussed fragile mystic vexed with halitosis"

I'll get my coat. Has anyone done the two lads with battery acid and fireworks?

Two lads were caught the other day, one was drinking battery acid, and the other stealing fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. *awaits bindunne*