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Posts posted by Villaninireland
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Its Lampard for me too.
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I know we wont get him but Van Bommell what a player. Watched the extra time of the PSV game last night and he ran the show. Just the type we need . The man is pure class. Who ever gets him next year are lucky,lucky bar stewards.
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July1964
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Old woman is on the phone to her doctor. " Doc I am going to shoot myself. Where on the body is my heart ?" Doc says "Put the gun under your left tit and shoot".The woman was found knee capped.
two tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanhydawellynafolybarcupidrindanmabitchsyhaffy they stopped for lunch and asked the waitress "Before we order can you settle an arguement for us? Could you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The waitress leaned over and said " Buuurrr gurrr kinnng !"
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You are so right .
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Wife asks husband,"why do I always have to sleep in the wet patch?"Husband replies " there wouldn't be a wet patch if you would swallow"
Humpty dumpty sat on a bed
little Bo Peep was giving him head
As soon as he came she started to weep
she knew by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep
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Please you have to. Looking forward to a good catch this weekend.
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Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off.
Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A.
One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.
Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.
Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night? A. Hanson.
Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, okay, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q: What do Michael and homework have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson:
If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.
FBI have raided Michael Jackson's house:
They found class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5C in his bedroom.
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks, "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" "I'd wait until he's at least 14," the doctor replies.
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Must have blue sleeves, must have blue sleeves.
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Two women walking home pissed had to have a pee so they ducked into a graveyard. They had no bog roll so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other found a ribbon from a wreath and used that. The next day their husbands were talking. One said " we'd better keep an eye on our wives, mine came home without her knickers" The other one said " you think thats bad. Mine had a card stuck in her arse that said from all the lads at the fire station we'll never forget you"
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jelly baby goes to the doctorand asks for an AIDS test, doctor says "an AIDS test ! What have you been up to?" The jelly baby says " **** allsorts" :shock:
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womens topless mud wrestling does it for me :wink:
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Does anyone remember the dire song that the squad put out in the 70's. All I remember are the lines, We are going up, right up to the top. I know this is off topic sorry
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I am in two minds here. At least we only have to stress ourselves out for 4 months a year about not buying anyone. Can you imagine the torment if we had 12 months of this. But it really is crap if you have a small squad decimated by injuries like we are. I think it a UEFA thing brought in to harmonise the system through out Europe. Dont see why we had to change though . Why couldn't they have followed our system instead.
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Steve McQueen without a doubt. Paul Newman makes salad dressings now ffs. Somehow couldnt see McQueen doing that if he was still alive.
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Yak for me as well.
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You shouted me down because I started a thread about the blues. So what do you do ? :roll:
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Not too bad considering I turned 40 in July. Good things included 2 weekends away with the other half , 2 weeks in Ibiza , my dad recovering from a stroke, getting me parrot to shout shit on the city and up the villa. bad things - death and destruction on a big scale & Elies OBE still not pushing up daisies.
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I remember that one TBH never really liked it.
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What were the splits names ? Remember Bingo n Snork. Was one called fleagle or something
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We showing our age now Rob. I used to love Arabian knights
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I love south park. if I was a cartoon character I would be Cartman. Just love his baad ass attitude
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u trying to tell me you dont like a plate of steaming roasties :shock:
WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.
in Off Topic
Posted
Husband comes home with a duck under his arm and declares "This is the pig I've been shagging" Wife replies "Thats a duck" He says "I know I was talking to the duck"