choffer

At the risk of flooding the page, here's a few more:

(apologies to those that really do know how to take a photo for sullying this thread with such amateurism :winkold: )

Here's a few of my offerings - can't remember if I've posted any of these before so apologies if they've BeanDunne.

A mate of mine met his now wife while working in Kolkata (Calcutta). Her family are really lovely but still, on their first date, Mum, Dad, Granny and little sister had to come as chaperones!!!

Might be a bit more relaxed with Indian families over here though but I guess we've all had problems with families of girlfriends regardless of where they come from.

4 pints of hash browns :shock: how does that work?

I couldn't find a better way to describe what is a complete mountain of the buggers. :winkold:

Maybe you're supposed to rub the Marmite into your skin, rather than eating it? :?

Tried that too - I was obviously just too tasty an offer for the little blighters to pass up on :shock:

I've had marmite sandwiches for the last 10 days at work (I'm making my own now) and I feel something may happen to me. I have been told mosquitos dont like the vitamins in it, so they won't bite me anymore - wish someone told me this before Egypt and 40 bites on the lower right leg and 32 on the left. Nice.

Did it work?

Didn't work when I was in Africa. We had marmite for breakfast, lunch and dinner and after 3 days I had 98 bites.

Sophie's Cosmic Cafe just outside Vancouver is a must-visit whenever I'm there. The Lumberjack special, apart from having a somewhat cheesy name, also contains about 5million calories. 6 thick, pancakes, 5 sausages, 8 rashers Canadian bacon, 4 thick slices of ham, 3 fried eggs, 4 pints of hash browns, beans, all covered in lovely maple syrup. Don't forget the toast and coffee so rank that it needs 5 sugars to be pallatable!

Seriously, if you think a full English is the nuts, you've never had the full Canadian Breakfast!

Other than that, Brummerican's shout for Taco Bell is seconded.

59% say "A very good window" :shock:

Hope it doesn't get any higher than that :winkold:

£15 to VT if the end of transfer period poll asking "Are you happy with the signings?" is more than 60% in favour.

Another cock-up from those tin-pot charlies down the road

Blues fans miss United game after St Andrews tickets fiasco

Aug 18 2009 by Nick McCarthy, Birmingham Mail

Recommend

ANGRY Blues fans were turned away from the opening game against Manchester United on Sunday because Birmingham City sold some of their tickets twice.

Dad-of-two Paul Bateman bought two tickets for the opener against the Premier League Champions as a treat for his daughter Chloe, who is 13 next week.

The season ticket holder paid in cash and collected the tickets from the Blues ticket office on August 5.

But when he arrived at Old Trafford on Sunday his tickets were rejected at the turnstile and United officials told him the seats had been sold twice by Blues.

Today the club has admitted a ticketing mix-up and has promised to “investigate how it has happened” and to refund disappointed fans.

They have already apologised to Mr Bateman and have refunded the £57 he paid for the adult and concession tickets.

The 30-year-old from West Heath, who has been going to St Andrew’s for 24 years, said: “I arranged it as part of my daughter’s present and she was left in tears. It’s the one game on the fixture list that you want to be at.

“I paid £57 for the tickets, £40 on petrol, £10 in car parking and I took a day off work. We were told that our tickets have somehow been duplicated. They were sold to somebody else and the ones in our hands were on a lost or stolen list.”

Paul, a customer account manager with a local brewery, added: “There were 15 or 20 other people who had the exact same problem.

“We had to leave Manchester and didn’t even get to see the game on television.”

Another season ticket holder was left outside after he also bought tickets from the Blues ticket office.

Alan Dean, a self-employed painter and decorator, bought his ticket as a member of the Travel Club.

The 56-year-old from Shirley said: “My £42 ticket was refused and I went down to complain at Blues on Monday. I have been told to write to customer services and I now have. I paid cash and picked up my tickets from St Andrew’s three weeks ago.”

A spokesman for Birmingham City confirmed that Mr Bateman had received a refund and that there had been an error: “We have received complaints and are investigating how this happened.”

Not sure if this has already been mentioned in the thread but I picked this up for a fiver at Asda the other day and it's a really great watch. Tyson comes across as a pitiable soul who whilst acutely self-aware of his short-comings, is totally unable to help himself. He does come across as a total scumbag in the main but it also shows how the influences in his life (good and bad) made him who he is/was.

Presentation was thoroughly amusing for any of you who missed it. Mr Moon patting NRC on the head and the stadium announcer shouting to all the Villa players not to go back on the pitch. It was a bit amateurish but was great to see how happy the lads looked at winning.

"Sometimes you go back in your progression" got to love the commentary.

130 million to get a franchise player !!

...so sometimes it might be cheaper to grow your own!

Saw Gran Torino on a flight the other week. I thought it was a good film

I saw it on a flight too last week - unfortunately the plane landed with 25 minutes to go so I'm going to have to get it on DVD now.

My recommendation for this week would be The Baader Meinhof Complex. It dies off a bit in the last third but up until that point it's fantastic.

Probably bin dun but I'm not going through 177 pages to find out :winkold:

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Are we talking about Macro-evolution or Micro-evolution? I'm sure everyone knows the difference but it's often the cause of confusion in such discussions.

I always find the christians way of answering the question why all the shite in the world happens by blaming it on the devil quite amusing. I thought god were almighty.

I don't know many Christians that would blame the devil for that. My understanding of the Bible is that the state of the world is because of mankind's actions. Not sure why people expect anything from God as it's us that has turned our backs on him. The consequence of that, according to the Bible is eternity in hell. God gave us free will to chose our path in life but showed His love to us by giving us an opportunity to avoid what was due to us.

At least, that's my reading of it.

sorry i exaggerated with the sinless life but the point remains, i can live a more "christian" life than most christians but because i dont believe i cant get in

i'll point towards good ole westboro, so they can get in because they believe but i cant because i dont? i might not be sinless but im slightly ahead of them

In that instance, you are deciding what is good enough or bad enough to get into heaven. I'm never sure where this common misconception comes from; that people believe it is innate 'goodness' that God is looking for as a qualification for entrance.

Sure, Christians across the world get caught up in 'legalism' on how to behave but from what I see, the Bible is quite clear on how you get in and it's nothing to do with how good (or not) you are.

The Bible says that as far as God is concerned, evryone has have fallen short of His standards. That is where the concept of grace comes in. Grace is often described (in a somewhat contrived way) as something freely given but not deserved. The Bible says that God shows his love to us by not turning his back on us (despite us turning our backs on him) but by giving us an opportunity to enter heaven. That way is nothing to do with our human conventions of good and bad behaviour but is an offer of a place in heaven, should one wish to accept it.

Not born there, don't live there now but did for a while in-between.

Legend. Can anyone name a breakfast show better than his??

For a long time, Johnny Vaughan was streets ahead. Don't think he is now but that's more because he's gone off the boil a bit. Still, mostly funnier than Moyles but then I'm guessing most on here wouldn't get to listen to Capital regularly.

Would I fight for my country? Of course.

Would I fight for yours? Unlikely!

Maybe I should have posted this in the "Why do the Scottish hate the English" thread :winkold:

I would do a Rio and have a little cuddle!

But that's probably because I'm Scotch :winkold:

Hi General,

Long time reader, first time posted in this thread.

I just wanted to add my name to the list of supporters who want to thank you, Randy and MON for all the work you put in for OUR club. We are truly spoilt to have you guys running our club and as someone who has been a regular visitor to VP for 25+ years, the changes during Randy's tenure have been nothing short of miraculous.

I am sure you must get a little frustrated at the percentage of negative comments in this thread so I just wanted to try to redress the balance a little. It must be a little disheartening to know the efforts being put in on our behalf, only to hear gripes about issues where your hands are tied. Obviously, I'm not saying that these issues aren't real and don't effect our enjoyment, I just wanted to show my appreciation for all the work done to make our VP experiences more enjoyable. We truly are the envy of many other clubs and for that, I am very much thankful.

and finally, the obligatory UB40 one....

The rasta who plays the saxophone gazumped my parents on a house in Kings Heath about 18 years ago.

Um, the sax player in UB40 is white with ginger hair, name of Brian Travers and a Villa fan

Really? I never paid them that much attention TBH. Wasn't his name Astro or something? Could have sworn he played the sax but I'll bow to your superior knowledge on the subject

I've got a few but in keeping with the spirit of the thread, I'll post some of the lamer ones.

My mate used to baby-sit for Ricky Ross (lead singer of Deacon Blue and co-writer of such awful songs as "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt).

I was once in the Evening Mail photographed wearing a pair of polystyrene skis in the middle of the Northfield baths.

I did the dying fly next to Chris Tarrant on Tizwas aged 6.

My cousin married the cousin of someone who plays Ice Hockey for the Edmonton Oilers.

and finally, the obligatory UB40 one....

The rasta who plays the saxophone gazumped my parents on a house in Kings Heath about 18 years ago.

Can we know the Absolute?