irish-villan

No 16 draws!!! 2 wins instead of them and we don't have this problem!!! Come on Alex!!!!

No 16 draws!!! 2 wins instead of them and we don't have this problem!!! Come on Alex!!!!

When was the last time we threatened them?? Its us that need the points!!!!

Thank you Carlos

Gabby, Dunne and i think that's it by the look of things out there!!!!

Its now a must win so lets play players who care, who are??????

More interested in sunderland game!!! That's how bad we are!!

ten euro taxi from city center is prob easiest. its only 20 minutes walk from city center but with 7 year old taxi is best

Have spare ticket for des kelly stand aswell. I'll be around the ground at around 1ish

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, trying to go asleep. the husband turns on the bedlamp to read a book. As hes reading he periodically reaches over and fondles his wifes "special area." The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused. Assuming that the husband is seeking some encouragement she gets out of bed and stsrts stripping off in front of him. The husband asks " what are you doing" The wife replies "You were rubbing me downtown i thought it was foreplay" The husband says " no not at all" The wife replies angrily "so what the **** were u doing" Husband replies "i was just wetting my fingers so i can turn the pages of my book"

This bloke goes down on a woman he'd met that night and says "**** hell whats that smell?" The woman replies "that'll be my arthritus." The bloke says " wha in ur fanny????" Woman says " no in my shoulder.. I cant wipe my arse".

Aston Villa signed a young Iraq kid and he slowly made his way up to the reserves. He played magnificantly for the reserves and the manager said hed put him on the bench to play Bolton on Saturday. With 20 minutes to go Milan Baros picked up an injury and the Iraq kid came on for him. 5 minutes after coming on the ball landed to him on the edge of the area. He had a shot and the ball went straight into the top corner. Villa went on to win the game. After the match he went straight out to ring his mother and tell her the story. Hes mother then said to him when you were out playing football, your father was shot, your sister was raped on the streets and your brother was kidnapped. The son then said sorry but theres nothing i could have done. The mother the mother replied angrily and said what do you mean theres nothing you could have done, its your fault we moved to Birmingham in the first place.

how do you knock a clown off a swing??? Hit him in the face with a hachet.

Why do these jokes always involve an Irish man?????? Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's football victory. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,Paddy" Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. Shoite,Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face."Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "If i can just make it to me bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd you know?" Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves on one of the bedroom walls, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall. She's immediately touched by the amount of thought he's put into organizing the display. There are small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She finds it strange for a young man to have such a large collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. All the while she's thinking to herself ... This is wonderful! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!...etc. She turns to him...they kiss.. and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Beer prayer Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter and The lager. Forever and ever, Barmen

Paris Hilton was bit by her pet monkey the other day Paris Hilton was tested for rabees and the monkey was testes for clymedia.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she dances she makes the band skip. Yo Mama's So Fat....she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. Yo Mama's So Fat....her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard. Yo Mama's So Fat....when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts. Yo Mama's So Fat....her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side.''

Your Mama Jokes Yo Mama's So Fat....when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live. Yo Mama's So Fat....all the restaurants in town have signs that say "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Mama". Yo Mama's So Fat....she's on BOTH sides of the family. Yo Mama's So Fat....her blood type is Ragu. Yo Mama's So Fat....she was walking down the street, I swerved to miss her, and ran out of petrol. Yo Mama's so Fat....that after having sex with her, I roll over twice and I'm still on the b*tch.

Things to do in the elevator!! - Got to be barmy to do this mind you!! 1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's Mine!" 7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12.Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15.Swat at flies that don't exist. 16.Tell people that you can see their aura. 17.Call out, "Group Hug!” and then enforce it. 18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!" 19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your One of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left arm. He placed them one beside the other upon the bar. He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the bartender. The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned not to ask people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't mention the ducks. They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the ducks had to go to the restroom. He left the ducks there on the bar. The bartender was alone with the ducks. There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one another. The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little conversation. "Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck. "Huey," replied the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball! . Been in and out of puddles all ! Day! What else could a duck want?", said the duck. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. Then he said to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and out of puddles all day myself. If I had the chance another day I'd do the same again!", said the duck in reply. So the bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even ask what kind of day I've had!"

BRILLIANT "Hello?" "Hi, honey, this is Daddy .... Is your Mummy near the phone?" "No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now!" "Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." And what happened?" he asks. "Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead." Oh my God!!!!! And what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the a swimming pool'... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too." ***long pause*** ***more pause**** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???? Oh sorry i think i have the wrong number!!

Man and Sheep Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find, that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

THE SMILE There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!" CONFESSIONAL An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s*x with each of them three times. Priest: Are you sorry for your sins? Man: What sins? Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you? Man: I'm Jewish Priest: Why are you telling me all this? Man: I'm telling everybody!

Two fish are in a tank and one of them turns to the other and says "How the **** do you drive this thing?"