ArteSuave

 "a little overweight" or "100 stone overweight" if he's not fit he can't play.

But, as Taarabt has pointed out, he's the same weight he always was.

Not that 'Arry would know that, having detailed information on the physical condition of your playing staff is the preserve of professional managers...

Well, it's not really. Anyone who can read should be able to use that information...

‘I have a big problem I can’t, I can’t write... so I don’t keep anything.

‘I can’t work a computer, I don’t know what an email is... I’ve never sent a fax and I’ve never sent a text message.’

Redknapp, who is tipped to be the next England manager, added: ‘I’ve never wrote a letter in my life. I couldn’t write a letter, I write like a two-year-old and I can’t spell.

‘You talk to anybody at the football club, I don’t write. I couldn’t even fill a team sheet in.’

Redknapp is accused of receiving secret payments worth £189,500 into the offshore Rosie 47 account between 2002 and 2007 when he was manager of Portsmouth football club.

 

Oh right.

Well it's probably best to just guess then.

EDIT. Is this the most middle class post on VT. 

Not quite:

Taarabt has never been in good shape though and if he's to be believed he's been the same weight he is now for ages.

It didn't seem to hinder him at Milan.

They would probably be 12th in the league with 10 points and a -8 goal difference having scored only 4 goals all season and just lost 4 games on the bounce conceding 11 goals without reply.

Don't be silly.

They might be if they'd built their squads on a shoestring. However, considering several players from both of their squads cost more individually than all 14 of the players we used at the weekend did combined then of course they wouldn't / shouldn't be anywhere near where we are.

It's a mystery to me why factory built modules aren't more popular...There's no reason houses can't be constructed off site and plugged in once somebody has selected the spec they want. Other than the public don't want them, they'd rather moan about the poor build quality of something put together outdoors in the mud through the winter.

That is a cracking idea.

Froch will destroy Golovkin.

He will walk through Golovkin's punches and pick him a part with the jab.

Wow.

Edit: Froch on a fight with GGG:

“Just swerve Golovkin like the plague. He punches like a mule. I don’t need to be in with him. Dangerous fight.”

Got myself a Gymano Powerrack and used olympic weights off ebay for my garage, so now I can lift at home.

#HomeGymMasterRace.

The best thing about Francis getting the job would be that most of their fans would think that was a good choice.

Please Football Jebus, give us this.

They usually hiss and disappear into the shadows when they get a whiff of saturated fat.

Get with the times grandma, some saturated fats (namely medium chain triglycerides) are good.

I know you don't care but I thought you might appreciate some up to date info for when you're scolding gym bores IRL.

The last thing you want is them having the chance to correct you.

This is a must win for them. 4 points from 8 and Chelsea and City up next.

I think we're going to dick them.

Taarabt has come out swinging to defend him against 'Arry's slanderous accusations.

Scathing criticism of scrotal face's training methods and tactical understanding too.

 

 

I said “but the problem is we don’t have any plan in the game, we don’t know how to press as a team. It’s not about just running around, you need to play with your brain”.

Why is ArteSuave 4th?

I've heard that his predictions are so accurate that they transcend conventional league tables.

Ricky burns appears to have put all of his new weight on around his waist in his move to LWW. He looked like garbage again too despite a promising first few minutes.

Anyone get their haircut at King's barbers shop

 

I see them all over brum now are they any good

Their quality varies wildly from barber to barber. There's a guy in the Solihull one that is very good but he's a word removed.

Villa

To clarify, I pick Villa as well.

If you mean he was right as in he was completely **** wrong and his post was a total load of shit then I agree.

If not then I disagree.

bookmark these few pages if you want a laugh at Xmas/New year.

Yeah "ahahahahahahahaha" we'll all say if things have gone to shit.

Those stupid words removed thought something good might happen but it didn't and now they're just miserable rocket polishers!

But we were miserable rocket polishers all along so we're somehow superior to them!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

We now know where our final game of next season is going to be played.

 

Uefa has confirmed that Milan's San Siro stadium has been chosen to host the 2016 Champions League final.

I quite fancy a bit of fun in Milano.

Hmmm, not sure I agree here. I understand what your saying but if we're playing the game the way you describe it (which I don't believe that we are btw) then we are living a dangerous game. I'm all for being able to shut up shop and see the game out but that, for me, is for the final periods of the game.

For me, bar the plop game (where I have zero complaints with the approach), we simply run out of ideas far too soon. The hull game not so much, but certainly the Newcastle game (which now looks a bad result), we looked completely clueless.

It's not that I think we could have had loads of shots on target but our approach was specifically designed to have few attacks. We'd have had relatively few whether we were winning or losing, it's just that the stats have been skewed even further by the fact we've spent more time in the lead than not this season.

I agree that the Newcastle game we didn't have enough attacking creativity but we are missing Kozak and Benteke. I'm sure most teams look crap going forward without their two best strikers.

We're also still lacking a number ten (at least one that can accumulate enough fitness to play) in those kinds of games.

Yeah sure.

I'll just top up my inkjet and get right on that

 

 

Yikes! Hopefully you've got a bigger budget than Lambert had this year.

The stats are heavily skewed by the scoreline in the game at the time.

We took the lead in the first 15 minutes in two of our wins and in the first 5 of the second half in the other, so you'd expect our possession and shot stats to be low. That's because we could afford them to be low because we were already winning.

We wouldn't be averaging so few shots per game if we hadn't already scored. If we still get no shots in if we're ever losing a game then that would be more worrying. Hopefully we never find out if we do or not.