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The Dressing Room (Post West Ham)


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DISCLAIMER: A few people miss the disclaimer that I don't actually have to write now (I don't think I'm above the law, I just don't write for an oppressive group of overlords anymore .... And I'm above the law) so here is a disclaimer ... The following article is wholly inaccurate, like Heskey when he first came to Villa, remember that? Before he became the mighty, goal-grabbing behemoth he is now they used to say he couldn't hit a cow's backside with a banjo, which I always thought was a testament to his common sense and honour I mean with so many Premier League stars out there injuring cows and destroying perfectly good stringed instruments it takes a real man to stand up and say "No. I will not!" anyway, I digress....

*We join the lads celebrating their win over West Ham*

A.Young: Yeah!! Gabby you're the man!

Gabby: .... Thanks ... I did just score for Villa right?

A.Young: Yeah ... Of course ...Wait .... you're soaked through .... Where were you all match?

Gabby: Don't ask Ash.... Long story.

*Gabby sits and relives a flashback of his Saturday running from Claret and Blue city to city scoring then realising it's not Villa to the theme tune of "The Littlest Hobo"*

Gabby: #....That's Hobo style# .... Man, it's a long run and swim from Drogheda....

A.Young: What was that Gabby?

Gabby: Nothing man, nothing.

Heskey: Wow Darren, me and you were great huh? I mean I didn't score like I always do but you know I as good as assisted yours didn't I? With probably the best tackle that's ever been made ... and by a great striker no less .... Darren? Darren? Are you listening?

*Bent is sitting in a zen like silence*

NRC: He doesn't talk anymore man, he's just conserving his energy.

Heskey: Conserving his ... What for?

NRC: Scoring goals, it's all he does now.

*Ian Taylor and Dion Dublin enter wearing Claret & Blue jump suits, wrap Bent in bubble wrap, pack him into a crate and carry it off as Houllier enters tapping the top of it in passing*

Houllier: Victory is ours again!

*The lads all cheer*

Houllier: Ashley, you play so well on zat wing, you are like a winger not like a second striker, you know a man 'ho "plays in ze 'ole" like you said you were when I arrived.

*The lads all look at Young with suspicion*

A.Young: What? I can play behind the striker.

NRC: Yeah and I'm a right back!

*the dressing room erupts with laughter, Houllier jots on his notepad "little shouty man with number 20, Right Back".*

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