Trajan

James Milner was the prime suspect for the infamous shooting of Texas oil baron J. R. Ewing.

James Milner fired Sir Alan Sugar.

James Milner has just announced that he has turned down the Chelsea job.

James Milner killed Kenny in 234 episodes of South Park.

In tests, eight out of ten people who expressed a preference said they preferred James Milner.

During half-time today James Milner brokered a deal for the re-unification of North and South Korea.

James Milner came third in Radio Tyneside's James Milner Sound-a-Like contest.

The fifty pence piece that hit the linesman standing near the dugout at the Portsmouth match had actually ricocheted off James Milner who was defending a corner at the North Stand end.

Clint Eastwood based the character Dirty Harry on James Milner and originally wanted to play the role with a Yorkshire accent.

"This ere tis a fartyfar Magnum...probly t'most parfal andgun in t'world. It could blow thy ead clean off. Thy's got ask thysen do thee feel lucky. Well, do thy, Punk?"

James Milner has 45,897,934 friends on Facebook including Ray Davies of The Kinks, Robin Williams, Selina Scott, Christopher Biggins, Bill Oddie, Jemma Kidd, Robert Redford, Sid Owen, Dr David Owen, Owen Wilson, Daniel J. Travanti, Sir Alan Sugar, Paula Radcliffe, Andy Murray, Mr Kipling, Captain Birdseye, Mr Sheen, Beverley Callard, Alison Steadman, Sir Paul McCartney, plain old Richard Starkey from the Aviva ad, Father Shooey McGooey, Tommy Cannon, Bruce Kent, Clive Dunn, Paul Shane, Jim Bowen, Jeff Stelling and Michael Anthony Hall.

James Milner played Arnold in Diff'rent Strokes.

He also wrote and sang the theme tune.

Since being sworn in as US President, Barack Obama has spent an average of four hours a day on the phone seeking James Milner's advice on everything from the credit crisis to the name of the new White House kitten.

James Milner's favourite TV show is Cagney & Lacey.

Indeed, such is James's devotion to the US cop series that when he was at Newcastle he would swim the Tyne daily in tribute to one of the stars of the show.

James Milner owns the publishing rights to every song Elton John has ever recorded.

He used to own the rights to all of The Goodies' hits but gave them away to his five hundred and forty ninth favourite charity, The Jim Bowen Northern Comics' Trust.

James Milner has now directed a record 347 episodes of Emmerdale.

Former US vice-president Spiro Agnew was James Milner's godfather while former Blue Peter presenter Lesley Judd is his godmother.

Milner has not wasted his football earnings and has invested wisely over the years with him now owning the rights to the entire estate of Victorian engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

Milner has also constructed a full-scale replica of the Pantheon in his back garden, which is now home to his 43 dogs.

James Milner was once charged with attempting to steal one of those pens on a chain from the HSBC bank in Sutton Coldfield.

However, he left the court without a stain on his character after Jack Klugman, an expert on chained pens, proved that Milner could not be guilty as the alleged crime could not possibly have taken place on Shrove Tuesday as claimed by the police.

James Milner was expelled from Eton before going on to a successful career in the Royal Navy. He now travels the world working for a little-known company called Universal Exports.

James Milner’s maternal grandfather was Lee Harvey Oswald while television presenter Cat Deeley is his third cousin twice removed on his father’s side of the family.

Other members of the extended Milner clan include Cherie Blair’s half-sister Lauren Booth, the Swedish actor Max von Sydow, veteran actress Molly Sugden, newsreader Huw Edwards, former Wales Rugby captain Gareth Edwards, stuttering pop star Gareth Gates, one of the Proclaimers, TV host Vernon Kay and former Goodie Tim Brooke-Taylor.

My choice for top Villan 2008 is Martin Hugh Michael O'Neill OBE.

I think he's Team Spirit's dad.

A bloke who hasn't even got a squad number - Team Spirit.

Well, it smells like it anyway.

I hate to be a grass but I think smokers are using the stairwells in the Doug Ellis stand.

3. Bouma is doing fine. We have passed on to him the best wishes of the fans and he is most appreciative. His recovery is going as expected. It takes time and a good physio and physical therapy. Thank you for asking. He will be back but we will not try to rush him.

General, for many years the club employed a physio called Jim Walker who did a fantastic job, particularly in relation to Paul McGrath.

If Jim ever visits Villa Park he really should be given the very best VIP treatment.

General Krulak here:

1. Sani: As I mentioned in my last post, if you have a specific ticket issue, please contact Nicky Keye at ticketing and explain your problem...she will do her best to sort it.

Nicky and her staff do a great job and anybody with ticketing issues should just contact the ticket office directly. Believe me, they will do their best to sort you out.

General, you have been absolutely fantastic in your liaison role between the board and the fans.

As far as I’m concerned, you have only come a slight cropper simply because you tried too hard to communicate as best you could with people who were being quite unreasonable.

The majority of people appreciate how lucky we are to have you participating in this site and we are more than happy that this will be on your terms.