MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HITS SUNDERLAND
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Sunderland in
the early hours of Monday.
Epicentre: Hylton, Sunderland.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fockin Mentill",
"innit" and "cont".
The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.00 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and
Spanish
Costas were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their Giro arrived.
Wearside news reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in the area.
One resident - Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of 5 said, "It
was such a shock. My little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my
bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it
all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books,
jewellery
from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in the disaster.
Clothing is most sought after, the most needed items include; Fila or
Burberry Baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell Suits
(female), white sport socks, Rockport Boots and any other items usually
sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same.
Urgent foodstuffs include; Microwave meals and Pot Noodles, tins of
baked
beans (Netto only as the tomato sauce on Heinz is too rich for the
locals' digestive system). Ice cream, cans of Colt 45 and Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims form. £2.00 buys
chips, crisps and blue fizzy pop for a family of 9. £5.00 will pay for a
packet
of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is
unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Pennywell and Ford
Estate.