Villadevon

^^Fake

Well it is

Really? I'm crushed.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: Father .. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays'

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind but I do have one more question.'

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

'Well.............' said the elderly gent, 'should I tell her the war is over?'

^Is Charlie Kennedy like a little conscience living on Sir Mike's shoulder?

Nah, He's where he should be, in the background shitting himself.

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a

tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the

bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker

walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female

bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers,

"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure

am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,

wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot

one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the

one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with

the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going

to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.

All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.

He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.

The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if

you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a

show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought

my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,

'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.

It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

Kingpin is as good as it gets.

No, but I wanted to tear it up at times.

22 man brawl in the 5th minute, everyone sent off and the game abandoned.

Born and raised in Aston / Erdington, Now live in North Devon.

5' 11"

Villadude, you are aware of the fact that the "woman" you are holding on the first pic is a bloke?

I'm well aware that you are talking bollocks, there's not one lady boy amongst all the girls in either of the pics!

And how would you know anyway?

It **** me off when ever I mention Thailand, some unfunny word removed has to bring up the lady boy gag, it's **** boring, and it's not fanny...

Well what is it then Villadude?

(sorry mate couldn't resist) 8)

Can't believe I'm the only one that hates Courgette.

Cat,

Try, Monarda (Bee Balm) has aromatic foliage and decent flowers too. Grows in full sun or semi shade.

Hey John, Just copy and paste that opening line again in a few months time.

We've won a cup? are you sure John?

Thanks for the report, as I didn't get to see it.

My uncle was a guitarist with the Moody Blues, but left them to get married, before they made it big.

My mothers maiden name is ' Shakespeare' she's managed to trace our ancestry back to the Bard's family.

My wifes mother was a childhood friend of Joan & Jackie Collins. ( I have the photo's to prove it)

Waited all season to see this

If we are gonna do links, here's my vote

6

53 in June. In that time I've followed Villa from the lows of the third division to the highs of Europe. It's been quite a ride.I've loved every minute of it

Had to get in under an older one

52 in June.

no brainer hey villadevon I thought it may be a mixed bag on this one!!

Dan, I had to put up with those pricks when the roles were reversed with Villa dropping to the old third division (in my youth) .

So yes, it's a no brainer for me mate.