Djemba_Villan

Won't this all be rather moot and 'problem solved' when/if they feck off abroad next year? Problem solved, surely?

There's 6 months until they (more than likely) go...and about 5% chance she will actually go/stick it for more than a week tbh.

I don't think you need to avoid them at lunch.

 

you can still be polite. Say hello when you pass them, make small talk at the water cooler.

 

What I mean is you can't stay "friends" with her. You can' meet her for a friendly drink after work. You can't go see amovie with her. you can't text her or call her.

 

You don't have to flat out ignore her/them. You just have to put them back into the bracket of colleague as opposed to friend.

 

And tell her about it. Tell her you can't stay friends for hat reason. it's nothing personal, you just need to do it.

If she's no happy with that hen she's being selfish.

Ah good. Well tbf i'm well on course for this anyway. I avoid making any effort for her now as I'm trying to push her down in my list of go-to people as it's something I knew I had to do. I'm not the sort of person to be able to be rude and brash by totally ignoring, given that she's making all the effort in the world. I've made excuses the last 3 times she's suggested something but haven't closed the door entirely. 

When I get the chance I'll explain, as I have before. She does understand, infact before I went away and was feeling a bit better about it all, she was messaging me about things from the past + saying things like "I now realise that you dont know what you've got until it's gone", she wanted to meet up and understood that i'd have to be ready for it. However I think she had some ideal scenario where she's with him and everyone else just falls into their 'place' around them. Sod that.

The problem I have with totally and utterly cutting them off (which I know is what I need to do) is that then it leaves me in a very awkward situation at work...as currently all the young ones sit together at lunch and socialise fairly often out of work. Him and her must have realised after a month or so that they were in danger of being seen as antisocial to the others so have now performed a charm offensive and are unavoidable at any of these social events or lunch.

If I were to avoid them that leaves me literally sitting on my own at lunch and not seeing the others socially. 

When I joined the others for lunch with them present previously (whilst distancing myself) she ended up crying because I could barely hold eye contact with her..even though I was being perfectly civil and polite. 

I feel like a prat for taking such a hard line, as she could literally have not done any more to maintain me as a friend. In fairness to her shes been fair, but as you've all said (and thanks so much for your opinions) it's not doing my mental health any good at all and will lead to me falling behind at work if I'm not careful.

I think you are probably both right....I've tried the other options of trying to put a brave face on, and even the half-way option...but what tends to happen is that during the time we have a great time, do nothing but laugh, she says how much she enjoys herself and things like "thats the best day i've had in ages"...but at the end of the day goes back to him..which makes me feel worse than before as a net result.

I though it would get easier with time...and I think it does until something else happens, which sets you back.

I think it'll be one of the hardest things i've ever done but it's probably the only way for me to rebuild myself to where I was while things were going well with her and before then

Right..I posted a few pages ago about my effective falling into the friend zone with a girl who I was unbelievably besotted with....anyway....long story short, she decided to choose the slimy other lad from work who was always my direct competition and we were kind of a trio in and out of work. I found out in probably the worst possible way and they tried to keep it a secret for a while until it became obvious to everyone at work. 

I reacted by basically disappearing..I didn't know what to do as it really killed me. I told her that I didn't want to spend time with her outside work but maybe in the future someday we could still be friends again..I hoped she'd just leave me to it and i'd be able to get on with my life as I've wasted so much time and energy with the whole saga and I cant begin to say how much it kills me to see them two together and happy. Weeks passed and she constantly messages me and cries and tells me how much she misses me, saying all sorts of things but It's just not the same.

If she'd rejected me for anyone else I think I could manage, but not the lad who was always in the background, who I don't see as anything special at all and who she formerly described as a "friend" just like myself. She constantly tells me i'm the person who makes her laugh the most and always says suggestive things...but at the end of the day must not be physically attracted..which I can accept..but wish she'd have made that clearer long ago.

I've relented a bit and try to spend some time with her directly as we have an awesome time and I'd like to think when i'm over her we'll be friends, but avoid them as a couple as it makes me sick. She knows this and it upsets her a bit but i'm trying my best to put on a brave face. I don't think i'm exaggerating when I say the whole thing has driven me a bit depressed as I've lost a lot of my spark and generally feel awful most of the time. What has driven it is that I don't have a particularly large social circle outside work (unusual for me as i'm sociable) and i'm faced with them every day as I work with them both so feel totally trapped. They've slimed up to my other friends at work whom beforehand they didn't bother so there is nowhere I can really go to avoid them..and I've already made things awkward enough for them by trying to be elusive...it's just not what you want at work.

I recently had an amazing 3 week holiday and recaptured a bit of my old self...I came back buzzing until I saw facebook and their holiday album..which brought me crashing right back down...she sends me messages still saying how much she misses the old me (who used to stupidly idolise her basically) and hates "this whole situation". 

I'd like your opinion on what I should do as the following are true:-

• I still think the world of her...and dont think shes intended to cause me harm but happens to have just chosen this other guy
• I accept I'll never be with her but it also upsets me the idea of not being friends.
• the other guy I have no respect for and see him as smug tos5pot.
• I have absolutely no way of avoiding either of them at work...where I'm achieving well in a graduate job so can't just leave.
• I can't avoid them on facebook without it looking obvious and looking petty and pathetic.
• I still have a compulsion to look at her page even though it makes me feel terrible

A complicating factor is that they both intend to emigrate to Oz in the new year...I know for a fact he will be going...but she told me that she wants to go but flippantly says "if I dont like it i'll just come back". She's desperate to make sure she leaves on good terms and I'm doing the minimum to maintain our friendship but every bone in me is bitter and jealous if I'm honest. 

Sorry for the essay but it was massively needed. I know I need to move on. I'm trying to meet new girls but I tend to compare them to her which makes life hard. I dont know if all of this is just me being weak but I've broken up with girls before and it's affected me far less than this has.

I love the arrogance of this thread.

Has Lambert mentioned anything about why he subbed him, yet?

He was dead on his feet for the 5 minutes before he got subbed, we were losing the centre of midfield battle at the time so it was a fairly astute change IMO. If we had have put away one of the multiple chances after this sub there would have been no question and he might have been praised.

If we were to get relegated, would we still be invited to this tournament?

Would Randy fund us in it once finances are even tighter?

I'd be absolutely gutted to see our academy fizzle out.

Can I just say guys, you've been a great help. I think I just needed a few people to point out that she may not be the "be all and end all" that I sadly have probably painted her as over the last couple of months.

To be honest, whether he's an arse or not...the way she talks to other - obviously interested - guys about her BF issues probabluy should have been a bit of a signal; and just isn't how things should be done in my book. Especially when the cycle repeats and she still goes back to him perfectly innocently. Lets be honest...you dont make future plans with other men while you're in a relationship with someone, even if things aren't going that well. If things were to work out, it would probably be me in her BF's shoes being paranoid about her talking about our issues to other interested guys anyway. She is a bit younger, she's only 19, mature in most ways but this might be a sign of immaturity.

I think I'll hold off saying anything just yet, if I feel differently ill wait until a good time...though I dont think i've had the opportunity to speak to her 1 on 1 for a while now. I think your comments have helped put things into context and I'm no longer feeling shit about it all, infact, she was in a strop yesterday with both me and my mate and I very happily just left her to it all day.

I probably did miss out on my opportunity, and got placed in the friend-zone as some have said. I was teteting on the edge for a while after the event i'd say...but tbh..I really dont care that much any more, I'm making bigger efforts to meet more people now so hopefully i'll be able to just leave them to it if the inevitable happens.it's a lesson learned and lets face it..if it was going to happen the way I really really want(ed) it to...then it would have happend by now.

Thought it would be worth getting people's opinions on my own saga. I'm more than prepared to be told i'm an idiot btw.

So...I moved away for a grad job, start a new life etc. Working at a place with few women. A few months in a new admin girl appears who was stunning. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend, but I became good mates with her.

I should point out this BF of hers is the definition of a dick. I have no idea why she stays with him at all as he sounds like the biggest arse Ive ever heard of in my entire life..I wont bore you with why but trust me.

Anyway, things between her and her BF were VERY rocky and we became close, she eventually split up from him and we moved things up a notch. We got on stupidly well, arranging holidays, loads of flirting - It came to a point where she came over to my place, she slept in my bed but we didn't do anything. I didn't make a 'move' because it seemed to me that she wasn't over her BF at all, she was a bit confused, and I didn't want to be the rebound so thought i'd play the long game. She respected this and we continued to see each other.She slowly got back with her ex, which I expected and although gutted, took on the chin but we carried on being mates. 

I have a lad-mate at work, who has a long distance girlfriend whom I know this girl was also fairly keen on besides me. Anyway, just before Christmas, out of the blue, this girl totally stopped talking to me, tried avoiding me and it was a very strange time. She was going through a rough time, so I put it down to that, but oddly she still maintained lots of contact with this other guy, whilst ignoring me. I was pretty cut up over Xmas with the feeling that i'd lost out and that she was probably going to go off with him when we all returned after xmas.

Over Xmas she seemed to get over whatever it was and became friendly again (she was now happily back with her BF again)...everything was good, until they hit another rocky patch. Now, things have evolved such that I feel a bit of a strange third wheel. Her and my mate at work often arrange get-togethers, and always invite me along (bar once). She even sleeps over at his occasionally, but sleeps in the living room..so I don't think they've 'don't anything' but I fear its only a matter of time. This lad does happen to have a conveniently placed flat and we often stay round his, I usually sleep with her on the floor of the living room. They may be waiting until my mate breaks up with his GF in person. Either way..it sucks. It used to me me and the girl arranging things and inviting others.

I'd started to accept the fact and try to move on, but I get mixed signals, even though things between me and this girl aren't the same as before, I got a text the other night when she was round his (after we'd all been out for a meal) saying "Wish you were staying over" ... my head wants to explode. We also arranged a day trip to London which didn't happen in the end because she didn't want to lie to her BF (even though I thought they had broken up). I haven't bought all this up in conversation yet for fear of coming across as paranoid/jealous..which I am but I don't want her to know that

Ever increasingly recently  it seems that whenever she has free time and wants to do something, she doesn't let me know, but I always get invited. I just wish if her and this lad were going to get together it'd happen and I didn't have to wonder. Conveniently, my mate has mentioned that he is struggling more and more with his long term relationship which will no doubt end when he meets her soon.I also found out on Friday that this girl and my mate have discussed trip plans too. I have noticed she flirts with him infront of me a lot, making excuses to touch him, joking etc.. but she is a fairy flirty person in general.

I wish I could just forget about her, but I cant emphasise enough that she is by far the soundest girl i've ever known, we can talk forever and have a scary amount in common and i'm constantly being told how much of a good couple we'd make.The thing which kills me is that her and this mate of mine are the only 2 people at work I genuinely really get on with and talk about things o/s work. If they get together I don't know how I'll be able to watch them together, knowing It could have easily been me....I want to break contact but that leaves me with a small social circle for now...but I do realise I probably just need to grow a pair

I know it sounds spiteful...but I can cope with losing out to her ex, even losing out to another guy...but to lose out to this mate, who I now realise has played quite a sneaky game - I'd be destroyed. I'm struggling to see a way back in for me, I want to blurt everything out but fear that it'd mean we could never even be mates..and dont know if that would ruin my chances in the long run.

Anyway, this was a good exercise to get stuff off my chest...I probably need people to tell me i'm a dick as I can only over-analyse it in my mind for so long.

Can I offer my theory re: why were so shit at defending corners...could it partly be we lack a good enough corner taker to actually practice against.

This i'm sure has been said before but:-

Looking at the balance of our squad, I can help but have put 2+2 together to now make the 4 which is shouting out at us.

Bent..is not, and was not ever part of Lambert's plans. I wouldn't be shocked if part of his initial vision when accepting the job was that he'd sell Bent and re-invest in Midfield.

Given that a frontline of N'Zog, Gabby, Benteke is IMO a top 6/7 forward line, and Weimann and Bowery (less so) provide great cover. It's fair to say Bent is redundant. How many of our competitors boast a front line like ours and have high earners on the bench too?

I think some of PL's frustration is not finding a suitable buyer for Bent thus postponing our efforts to invest where it's needed (CDM and CB). If the rumour of Stoke for £8m is correct. I think we'd snap their hands off...buy Sissoko as well as a decent CB and probably still make a net gain on wages.

Immense goal,

Enjoyed the 'you know what you are..obsessed with villa'....our team is poor, but travelling support right up there!

Guzan - 7 - never under any trouble but did simple stuff confidently

Lowton - 7 - Defended well and got forward with ease, i'd like to see cleverer crosses in the future

Baker - 8 - Fantastic, very assured performance, difficult to drop.

Clark - 7.5 - Just behind Baker, rash at times but dealt very well with everything Stoke threw at us.

Lichaj - 5 - Bad game IMO, defensively OK, going forward pretty poor, too rash, future squad player at most.

Herd - 6.5 - Got stuck in, very calm,

Holman - 6.5 - A few great passes, always looking to take on a shot, not the complete player but decent

Bannan - 6 - Poor for him on recent form, wasteful passing, but worked hard, sure he'll bounce back

Westwood - 7.5 - Impressive again, did the simple things well and threw in some great tricks

Benteke - 9 - Love this guy, worked his socks off, very intelligent, shame he didn't get a 'sitter' but created well for himself

Agbonlahor - 7 Faded in and out, but showed we miss him when he went off.

Subs:-

Bent - 5 - Lambert knows what he is doing

Ireland - 6 - Few glimpses of quality, glad he came on

Delph - not on long enough really, didn't do anything significantly wrong/right.

Lambert - 8 - I thought he tactics were spot on, nice to see us with a bit of versatility, the goals will come. I think the 2nd half performance drop was as much Stoke changing their style as opposed to us sitting back.

I think we are looking a solid mid-table team these days. Certainly 2 points dropped today really though.

Lambert rode his luck with us, but we still shipped a shed full of goals.

Maybe that luck has finally run out for him.

lol, your a wind up merchant and a pretty shit one.

Your ridiculously ungrateful for what he did for your club, I appreciate you was never going to send him away with a pat on his back but lets not judge him quite yet.

I honestly don't mean to wind you Villa lads up but only now since our defence has been compleatly rebuilt, do we realise how bad it realy was.

The trouble is its been at the expense of our attack....now we couldn't score in a brothel!

Love that since this comment, they've shipped 6 goals and have looked defensively shoddy. Good job that 'compleatly rebuit' defence has sorted you out once and for all.

He said we played a world-class game in the first half. Excuse me, but is that our aim now? If we played like that against City or United at home in the Premier League then fair enough, but a highly mediocre half without many chances against WBA is world-class now? Rubbish! This game was a disappointment!

I think you're in for a long, miserable season.

35 mins of the first half we looked great, not the finished article, but a MASSIVE improvement on the last 2 years.

Don't get the negativity. It was a decent performance at the beginning and towards the end and were it not for poor finishing we would've won that. Also showed plenty of fight and spirit to come back from a goal behind.

Agreed. I gave out a lot of sixes but it was one of those "greater than the sum" team efforts. The only really lacking area was obviously the front third, but that sort of performance is going to pick up points more often than not.

Though we were very poor. We struggled to create anything of note and really never looked like scoring until Bent came on for Benteke. Benteke is very quickly looking like a very poor buy along with Lambert's other purchases.

Yet another manager and another 17m spent and we still don't have a midfielder in our team who can create anything.

On the plus side plenty of effort to get a point but effort alone won't keep us up this season!

I hope (for my own sanity) that this is sarcasm/a joke.

Lowton - Looked solid so far

KEA - 2 bad games does make him a disaster

Bennett - Showing some promising signs

Benteke - Showing glimpses of being a good player, still a bit rough around the edges, but so are most 21 year old strikers!!

Westwood/Bowery - Not seen enough yet to judge..but are young and ones for the future.

Guzan - Decision to re-sign after we allowed his contract to expire has been vindicated.

Vlaar - Solid, one bad game, besides that looks very promising.

We have a load of players who are playing far better than they were 12 months ago. The overall style of play of the team is significantly better, our players are showing massive amounts of heart and desire.

If some fans are at all miffed at the moment..well sod them, I wish they supported someone else.

Sorry if this is the wrong place, but I am on the lookout for a ticket for this gig, especially the £55 ones.

Please let me know if you, or anyone you know is selling one.

Thanks

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it.

It seems there MUST be decent money around. McLeish has claimed in a skysports article entitled 'no regrets' - that he has Sigurdsson basically totally lined up before he got the chop.

Read here.

My feeling is that there is around £10-12M to spend. Lambert is going to prioritise a biggish name signing (a striker), sell Warnock to fund a new LB. Sell Hutton to replace with a CB.

The Djemba_Villan prediction is....we wont get rid of both Hutton AND Warnock....we'll see Warnock go, a good CF in, a decent LB in and a backup (probably a bit naff CB in)

West Brom linked ehavily to a season long loan for Lukaku.

In lieu of us signing a decent striker to replace Heskey. This would be a fantastic loan for us in our position. grr.

Guzan apparently staying in the premier league. I can't think of another prem team where he will be number 1...does this mean he's staying at Villa Park maybe?

Link removed - please use short links and quote article if posting links as per site guidelines.

P.s. does anyone else feel a bit deflated when they see reminders of Emile Heskey in a Villa top?

Im still not sure as to why the McDonald love-in?

Can understand the angst if the Youth Development honcho of Crewe Alexandre, Man Utd, Everton (Rooney, Rodwell, maybe Barkley), Arsenal at a push (Wilshere) decided to upsticks and move on, but the youth players of Villa are hardly setting the world alight.

The new batch of Herd, Lichaj, Clark and Weimann may well be top notch, but there hasnt been much from Albrighton, Bannan and even Gabby to justfiy the revelry of Macdonald. Also, his tenure as manager was not pretty.

Sure he's a very nice guy, and the players love him as Jack Grealish said. But as others have said, theres no room for sentiment at AVFC.

I can't argue with the Crewe argument.

But given the pull of Man Utd (even at youth level), it's not a shock they produce a few good youth every so often. Even then, since the fluke batch of Giggs etc.. there haven't been any showstoppers.

i'd class the development of Barry, Gabby, Cahill, Davis, Gardner, Hitzlsperger, Clark, Vassell, Samuel, Moore, Ridgwell as well as many of the nearly-ers and current crop as something Villa should be immensely proud of. Especially when compared to clubs of a similar stature.

I'd like to know why Rodwell was used as an example. If you want a hyped midfielder, with some talent but not quite enough for the very top..look at Steven Davis, Craig Gardner, Gary Gardner (hopefully not), all linked to massive clubs over time as well.

I think what I'm saying is, producing premiership-level players consistently without many of the financial and stature benefits our rivals have shouldn't be derided. Players like Rooney IMO are very rare and much the exception rather than something you can plan for.

Terrible news just announced on OS.

The amount of respect this guy has with the local lads in that team, genuinely gutted. Hope it's a genuine reason.

So long Kev Mac!