Shomin Geki

Joined! Thank you.

I feel a little bad playing along because I'm not the most active poster anymore, but... I'm a diligent player and I like it very much.

Is there space for me? Or is the format of the league unable to accommodate?

A thoroughly, thoroughly professional performance.  Having a clear sense of organisation and approach gives us so much more presence on the pitch.  'Resilience' isn't a word that's been synonymous with Villa for quite some time but that's absolutely what we were.  For Emery to achieve this in a matter of weeks is impressive and exciting.  I thought we reduced Brighton to what they appear to be, from my ever so casual eye: a clever, neat, but essentially very ordinary football side.  Most of that was down to a sorely missed sense of order and players given the confidence to absolutely commit to their command.  Very heartening.

TODAY'S PLAYER RATINGS (season's average in here)

MARTINEZ 7 (6.6) Brighton pressed but never pierced our backline and Martinez did almost everything right, standing stoutly behind our formidable defence.  Science may wish to study his ability to stretch and manipulate time.

MINGS 7 (6.85) Some shaky moments early on were superseded by Mings calming down, not getting too agitated, and rediscovering his head.  Mings managed himself well, if that makes sense.

KONSA 8 (6) Another excellent performance.  Classic Konsa in a way, measured, timely, composed and intelligent with the minimum fuss.  Mopped up everything, doing the little things but getting virtually every little thing right.

DIGNE 7 (5.78) Quietly commanding on the left flank, frustrating Brighton time and time again.  A lapse in concentration for the penalty incident.

CASH 7 (6) Fought earnestly, as he always does, and part of an impressively organised defensive performance, but would have liked to have seen a bit more of the surge he provided moments before Ings's decisive winner.

KAMARA 8 (6.63) Composure personified.  So calm, assured and organised the guy should, and almost certainly could, play in a tux.  An obvious gem.

LUIZ 6 (6.31) Pretty quiet today although we're much tidier when he's on the pitch.  Made up for the looseness of the first goal (that was probably more Martinez's fault) with a crucial challenge for the winning goal.  A worthy vindication.

MCGINN 6 (4.8) Amidst the missing periods, incomplete passes and general sense of pointlessness at least got himself around the pitch a bit.  A few moments of choice arsework towards the end.

BUENDIA 6 (5.79) Not his day today.  In certain formations and with particular personnel Buendia really hums.  But he can sometimes seem a little disconnected from everyone else.  I'm still a big fan but it's fair to expect a little more at times.

RAMSAY 6 (5.8) Played a little within himself today.  Perhaps isn't going to thrive if Emery's given approach is more of a neutering, containing one.  He can't be the Boy Wonder every week.

INGS 8 (6.18) Much more than his two goals today, this was a classic attacking spearhead performance from Old Man Ings, full of lovely touches and telling interventions.  Lead the line, a real focal point at all times, played like he'd seen it all.  Reassuring that we can still get a very good return from legs that aren't quite still there.

YOUNG 7 (6.5) Quickly becoming a reassuring sight.  Which is slightly surprising but very welcome.

OTHER SUBS N/A (Fort well held by all)

On 07/11/2022 at 15:58, GarethRDR said:

Looking for some leftfield horror suggestions please.  Wife and I started doing Halloween weekend horror marathons couple years back and we've got this year's slightly delayed (due to hols) one coming up this week.  The format is we fold out the sofa-bed in front of the telly, order pizza and watch as many back-to-back horror films as possible, mostly stuff we've never seen with maybe one familiar favourite and one comedy as a palate cleanser.

So far, this year's plan is:

• The Entity
• [•REC]
• Train To Busan
• Pit And The Pendulum

...with Hocus Pocus 2 to break up the bleakness.

Hit me with your best shots please, chaps.

Considering the four films you've listed here it seems you're up for pretty much anything, so I'll try for some deeper cuts.  I'll try not to duplicate any from Designer's list.

The Swarm and Coming Home in the Dark are probably the best horror films I've seen from recent years, although we're stretching the definition a little here.  Both are maybe a bit too sober and severe, the former with elements an eco horror with elements of a creature feature and some grim body horror.  The latter is a straighter brutal thriller, but memorably horrible.  In the 'Is this really horror?' field I also really liked She Dies Tomorrow.  Resurrection rather stunningly 'commits to the bit' where you think it might break into more obvious territory, anchored by an absolutely committed Rebecca Hall, becoming a bit of an unexpected horror maven with this and the merely alright The Night House.  For something lower budget with more of an indie film feel The Beach House has a keen sense of the uncanny with little whispers of cosmic horror becoming increasingly incessant.  More conventional genre thrills are to be found in the surprisingly good Underwater, which received bafflingly bad reviews a couple of years ago.  It ramps things up very pleasingly at its climax.  I like a good horror anthology and of the modern ones I'm a fan of the VHS series, particularly the first one.  The newest one, VHS 94 has some excellent entries, and manages to mix the blackly amusing with the viscerally unpleasant.  The pick of the bunch though would be Southbound, which moves at a real pace, and with the help of a really satisfying wrap story/framing device has the kind of thrilling momentum it can be hard to find in the portmanteau format.  As a horror afficionado you'll probably already know if the Terrifier films are your bag or not.

If you want to show off your 'obscure film' bona-fides why not give Lake of the Dead a go?  A Norwegian horror from the late fifties, it's part Agatha Christie, part Henry James, and features some oddly nightmarish daylit, nature-set spookiness.  A keen maunder of morbidity can be found in Carnival of Souls, perhaps the first example of a now overdone trope, and the sad, autumnal Seance on a Wet Afternoon complicates a triptych of somewhat 'repressed' horrors.  Also strikingly visual are some Japanese horror films from the 60s: Onibaba being my favourite, Kuroneko, Kwaidan and Jigoku, definitely one of the first films with proper gore effects, also good.  Back in obscure film world, Matango AKA Attack of the Mushroom People, is a fun one to talk about at parties.  If you're after grim 70s American horror off the beaten track Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Messiah of Evil and God Told Me To can scratch that itch.  From the same decade I really like really weird film The Shout, a British film from Polish director Jerzy Skolimowski about a man who, it is claimed, has literally acquired the ability to 'shout' people to death.  If you enjoyed Suspiria and Deep Red some deeper Italian horror cuts are the dreamy Footprints on the Moon, the savage Don't Torture A Duckling, and the sinister nighttime conspiracies of The Short Night of the Glass Dolls.  A little beyond its prime Michele Soavi promised to inject a bit of fire into Italian horror's veins.  His pomp was short lived but Stagefright, The Church and, in particular, Cemetary Man, are a lot of fun.  Nobody's mentioned Possession yet right?  You've seen Possession, right?  Oh boy.  Other real horror experiences would be the depressing but horribly compelling Angst, and the very nasty In A Glass Cage.  Have you seen any Kiyoshi Kurosawa films?  Cure is my favourite, Pulse the one everyone always mentions, and Retribution very good too.  From that neck of the woods there's also the Korean horrors A Tale of Two Sisters and Taiwanese 'sins of the past' reality-bender Detention, starring the very good but very inappropriately-named Gingle Wang.

Of the more recent horror films from a little further back I would recommend Confessions, a sick little Japanese revenge piece, the nightmare escalation of the surprisingly excellent Triangle, the sad 'precariat' horror of The Innkeepers, the twin Giallo homages of Amer and Knife + Heart, the freezing arthouse absurdities of Far Eastern European Bad Trips November and The Temptation of St Tony (you'll know if you want to see these two), the small town, 16mm blast of bleakness (and surprising tenderness) I Am Not A Serial Killer, and the time-warping rides of Coherence and the unexpectedly fun +1.

There are plenty more to recommend and I can return for another bout at some later date, but it would be remiss of me not to mention Larry Fessenden's vampire addiction parable Habit as it's my good lady's favourite film.  I'm more of a The Addiction fan, but hey... hope this is all of some assistance.

Incredible how the footballing IQ of all the players skyrocketed unburdened by having to do stupid things.  Players with a lot to prove proved it very handily.  A mighty fine day indeed!

TODAY'S PLAYER RATINGS (season average in here)

MARTINEZ 7 (6.33) Largely untroubled, but nonetheless solid.  The penalty area, after a shaky couple of weeks, very much belonged to him.  His turf.  Arms once more seemed enormous.

MINGS 8 (6.7) After a pretty calamitous two-game streak looked fate in the eye and said "I'm having some of that".  A contagiously sweeping performance.

KONSA 7 (5.75) Slowly but surely we seem to be getting our boy back.  Intelligent but vital low-key interventions aplenty: the Konsa we know.

CASH 7 (6) Cash will run through walls for you.  Under Gerrard the walls seemed to win more often than not.  You can't run forever with nowhere to go and not get a little lost.  He's not quite there yet, but seemed to relish his enterprise having a purpose.

YOUNG 8 (6.86) He's roughly my age but something tells me he'd lap me twice in an 800 metres race.  Indefatigable, authorial, inspirational.  What struck me today, apart from his absurd energy, was his sense of timing.  Knows when to get stuck in, when to cool things down and when to keep it straightforward.

DENDONCKER 7 (5.5) With a strange gait and an almost wobbly running style it sometimes seems like Leo is playing half-cut.  I've struggled to warm to him so far, likely unfairly, but was essential to the organisation and bite of today's midfield.

LUIZ 8 (6.3) Absolutely committed, a bit box-to-boxy, alternatively silky and fierce.  If today had the feeling of the band getting back together and realising how good they can play, Luiz was practically the entire rhythm section.

BUENDIA 8 (5.64) Says so much about Buendia that in spite of much of what he's known for not quite coming off, his tenacity and busyness made such frustrations largely irrelevant.  Everywhere today.  The rebirth begins here.

BAILEY 8 (5.27) Looked a different player out there.  From hapless and lost mere days ago, Bailey today looked potent, dangerous and, perhaps most assuring of all, composed.  More of that please.

WATKINS 7 (5.18) Still a little shaky and timid, but where Watkins might previously have let it get to him, today he persevered, tried, tried and tried again, and finally got that all important goal.  Which clearly meant the world to him.

INGS 8 (6) A wily old pro today.  Effortlessly deadly, with some classy link up play, Ings operated like someone who still thinks like an elite player even though his body isn't quite there anymore.  That operation paid dividends today.

MCGINN 6 (4.5) Not appalling!!

COUTINHO 5 (5.25) You can't have it all, can you?

All other subs N/A.

There's an episode of South Park where Cartman gets a supposed picture of a missing child displayed on a milk cartoon.  It's actually a picture of his bum.  When two bum-faced parents turn up looking for their missing bum-child the situation is so absurd and hilarious that it breaks something in Cartman.  He is no longer able to find anything funny and swiftly descends into a spiral of existential despair.  When elite football's Steven Gerrard chose not to bulk up his midfield against ten man Leeds, giving us more options, you know, to dominate that area of the pitch that fashions a greater variety of opportunities to attack the goal, only to throw on Danny Ings with ten minutes to go, well, the whole pitch may as well have been filled with an army of bum-faced atrocities.  Because something broke in me.  At that point all hope was lost.  This was the moment when, in the insane asylum of Steven Gerrard's Aston Villa, I decided to stop thrashing against my straitjacket, stop banging my head against the wall, and instantly accept a nirvana of learning to love an eternity of unremitting, unyielding blankness.  The Lovecraftian Atrocity of the Ings substitution had destroyed my mind.

Well, this didn't quite happen that way.  There may have been more expletives.  A dog may have looked at me funny.  But perhaps if that DID happen I'd be a better person right now.

To borrow once more from a source of winning puerility, in the film Ted, with the sweary teddy bear, Ted and Mark Wahlberg are discussing new strains of weed on offer.  The final one is called 'This is Permanent'.  This is how it feels following Steven Gerrard's Aston Villa (for it is NOT the Aston Villa of you or I).  That we'll be long-balling and miscontrolling and misreading each other, and sweatily dashing and style clashing, and not being allowed to play or think or plot or plan, and basically doing a pathetic football version of the final 'out from the trenches' moment from Black Adder, but not in slow-motion (at least until the 70th minute), forever.  This is permanent.  Until Mr Purslow decides he doesn't particularly NEED to bop along to Phil Collins alongside Some of Liverpool's Finest Gentlemen (who are good to their mothers) at someone or other's Christmas do... this is permanent.  It's pathetic how swiftly and unceremoniously we've become a big bag of shite.

Of course... this is football and all is never permanent.  Things can change in an instant.  Fortunes have been revived, or decimated, in one telling half of football.  But watching Villa players dither against ten man Leeds in the 88th minute, not sure who's ball it is, not sure what they'll do when someone finally runs to get it, not sure what they could have done to stop John McGinn imagining it's still 2018 and the ball is looping out from the Sheffield Wednesday rear-guard...this feels... permanent.

TODAY'S RATING FOR STEVEN GERRARD'S ASTON VILLA (season average afterwards)

MARTINEZ 6 (6.625) You do have to wonder, just a bit, if we did get that rumoured big money offer if he might just think... life's too short?

MINGS 7 (7.17) A very Tyrone Mings-ish performance from the really quite marvellous Tyrone Mings.  I might like watching Tyrone Mings right now more than I like watching Steven Gerrard's Aston Villa.  Which is something.

KONSA 6 (5.5) Still has the air of a child on a long car journey who could do a big, ugly sick AT ANY MOMENT.  Nervy, unsettled, but he's just about manged to hold in the barf for now.  Seemed more assured in the air today?

YOUNG 7 (7) One of the few pleasant surprises of the season so far is Young stepping up as the grizzled, seen-it-all vet in the Men on a Mission movie.  The boy is up for it, scrapping and pushing, like a man half his age.  Let's hope that come his death scene, cigarette in mouth, he can look at the muddy battlefield with a little bit of hope.

AUGUSTINSSON 6 (6) Seems a good athlete, with a tank and a decent touch.  Apparently somebody up there doesn't like Aston Villa having nice new things.

LUIZ 7 (6.5) Offers a calmness and control in the centre of the park that's almost surreal at times considering the chaos surrounding him.  A Caravaggio in a sea of Pollock.  Apparently now HATES the idea of getting a hat-trick of corner goals as he doesn't want to become a meme.

RAMSAY 6 (5.38) For me the most telling regression of Steven Gerrard's Aston Villa.  A good Villa game should come thick with moments of high-energy hustle and the odd imperious intervention from JJ.  Now there's only the odd threat of such.  Still a bit of thrust but the blade seems thinner.

McGINN 4 (4.25) You're at a fine Italian restaurant, with your lovely lady.  Delicious, stylish cuisine from a rich and storied culture lines the menu.  You order chips.  But we don't do chips, sir.  You got potatoes make me chips.  Double chips in fact.  Chips never let you down.

COUTINHO 6 (5.38) The odd seductive twinkle of a toe, an occasional incisive swish of his foot... I'm no longer concerned Coutinho is a busted flush.  I DO wonder if he can be properly magic again under a manager who doesn't possess crayons for a brain.  It's nice to have nice thoughts.

BAILEY 4 (5.14) Honestly that's quite a generous four here.  Sad Trombone Noise's Leon Bailey has another misadventure in 'I swear this pitch was twice as long' mode.  Funny prank putting him in 100 year old football boots made of thick wild boar leather, but maybe let's give him the ones he had at Leverkusen, yeah?

WATKINS 4 (5.28) If you listen to the jazz produced by both Watkins and Bailey's Sad Trombone Noises for too long you may end up swallowing your own tongue.  If you haven't already done that.  Doesn't seem to like footballs much of late.

BUENDIA 6 (5.57) What is a composed master of link-up play, through balls and seemingly counter-intuitive passes (that are actually absolutely the correct option) meant to do with this fizzy mess all around him.  Genuinely sad to see.

BEDNAREK 6 (6) Looks pretty good I thought!  Strong, sturdy, with more than a little composure and class.  Yes, it was mostly against ten man Leeds.  But also, do note that he was playing in the food-fight-in-an-all-you-can-eat-buffet world of Steven Gerrard's Aston Villa.

INGS N/A He's bringing on Ings?  Ings?!  Ings.  Ings.  Ings....

Well, well, well, quite a curveball this game!  It could definitely be a turning point for our season.  Several of our players seemed to get their 'mojo' back, as it were, during the game itself.  A hopefully invaluable shot in the arm and legs for, in particular, Watkins, Konsa, Ramsay, Bailey and Digne.  In that order.  Incredible what can be done with a functional midfield, non-stupid tactics and the subsequent license it gives our players to play with a mite more consideration and confidence.  That mite, in the ungentlemanly tornado of Premier League football, goes a long way. 

I can only hope the club hierarchy ties up Gerrard and forces him to watch this game on loop all day and all night until he realises what a silly, silly man he's been.

TODAY'S PLAYER RATING (season's average in here)

MARTINEZ 7 (6.83) Perhaps a little flat-footed and irresponsive for their goal.  Otherwise made some strong, though quite standard, saves throughout the game.  Nice to see his trollish side emerge towards the end.

MINGS 8 (7.25) Played throughout with an unflappable assurance and authority.  His tough guy credentials were impeccable today.  Realised he had to 'get to' Haaland and largely succeeded.

KONSA 7 (5.3) Much better from Konsa!  Positionally much improved and playing without the little raincloud over his head that's been dogging him for some time.  Limited passing range still, but hopefully this performance will do him wonders.

CASH 6 (6.16) Largely played during the 'more chasing than an unspayed dog show' chunk of the game and was relatively untroubled.  Still suspicions that he's essentially a bit of a 'basic' player, he's gonna have to step it up in subsequent games.

DIGNE 7 (5.16) An atypically conservative performance reveals he might actually be a capable defender!  Kept it tight and worked hard.

KAMARA 7 (6.33) Obviously needs to play in midfield with his new best mate Douglas Luiz.  A silk boxing glove of a player.

LUIZ 7 (6.5) Obviously needs to play in midfield with his new best mate Boubacar Kamara.  Should get credit for his badgering for the goal too.  A limp midfield and the ball never even reaches Ramsay.  Energy, tenacity, a touch of class, thank god we really didn't need 25 mil.

MCGINN 5 (4.33) It ain't happening for the lad is it?  Got some decent tackles in (although he also shirked or missed a fair few).

RAMSAY 6 (5.16) Absolutely needed that sprint, that jink, that cutback.  Nervous ball control for most of the game, predictably fluffing his big chance, but if that moment can get him back on track then it's value far exceeds the point for the draw.

BAILEY 7 (5.8) Largely irrelevant to the majority of the game it's amazing what a jackhammer strike can do for a performance.  Hopefully, after many a false start, his Villa career properly gets going after his thudding intervention.

WATKINS 7 (5.4) Much more like it!  Never stopped running, had moments of decent link-up play and seemed to regain the edge and endeavour of old as the game went on.  Very nice to see!

YOUNG 8 (8) Excellent!  A wily, battle-hardened veteran's performance.  A club captain's performance you could say.  He dug in, balancing ruggedness and intelligence, and lead by example.

COUTINHO 6 (5) GOAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!

Desperate football again.  Clumsy, leaden-footed and hapless.  We seem to have what I can only describe as Bad Adrenaline coursing through this side.  Bad Adrenaline in our jittery, unconvincing passing.  Bad Adrenaline in the defensive disorder as the thick swarms of Arsenal's attacks threatened to slap us silly.  Bad Adrenaline in our somewhat awestruck chasing, and being passed by, shadows.  Bad Adrenaline pumping inside our players heads and legs where, it would be reasonable to expect, tactics and planning should be.

Final point: What a difference a, say, Odegaard makes to a midfield, eh? 

Today's ratings (season average in parentheses)

MARTINEZ 5 (6.6) A number of desperate saves somewhat masked one of his worst performances for us.  Lost his head.  One hopes he manages to screw it back on successfully.  I shudder to think what a scatty Martinez might do to our goal difference.

MINGS 8 (7) An absolute captain's performance, never let his head drop.  Seeing him stomp around the wobbly jumble of the rest of our defence was a bit like watching a merman during a tempestuous shipwreck.  The evil piece of gum that he keeps prisoner in his mouth only managed to whisper a few mad things to him today.

KONSA 5 (5) Another weak, frightened-looking performance from our former Rolls Royce.  Misjudged the ball a number of times and didn't seem to have the muscle, physical or otherwise, to wrestle it back.

DIGNE 4 (4.8) Must have contributed to what could be a record number of inaccurate crosses (previous record: the West Ham game), and when he wasn't doing that he was out of position and weak against his man.

CASH 5 (6.2) Huffed and puffed and got frustrated but then then momentarily perked up trying to overlap with Bailey before remembering who our manager is and slumped back into whatever his position is meant to be.

KAMARA 6 (6.2) What is our brilliant, beautiful boy to do with what is happening in front of him?  One can only hope the lad loves a bit of the old 'character building' experience.

MCGINN 4 (4.2) Unchanged from his recurring persona of 'bull that just learned how to ice skate'.

RAMSAY 4 (5) Awful again, looking once more like the spooked boy you were always surprised he managed to transcend at notable points last night.  It also has to be said, positionally atrocious, the awareness of a sleepwalking sloth.

BUENDIA 5 (5.6) Whereas in his previous pomp Buendia's feet seemed to almost thrum with danger and excitement he now seems jaded and limp.  But this is brining a fencer to a gunfight in our current predicament.

BAILEY 5 (5.5) Managing the impressive feat of looking simultaneously like our most dangerous player and our most wasteful.  Feet sometimes resemble cellotape trying to unwrap itself.  It kinda seems like his left leg doesn't like his right leg and vice versa.

LUIZ 6 (6.33) He did his party trick!  Hooray for him.  I wonder if he'd actually prefer operating in a balanced, intelligent midfield instead?

COUTINHO 6 (4.8) Looks a bit more interested of late.  Maybe he's aware of what a desperate situation we're in?

I encourage others to post their teams!

A little worried about the gallery of crocked players, but a likeable bunch of lads here (and Patrick Bamford).

Ha!  My internet cut out for the first two picks!  Not unhappy with my bunch of loveable rogues though...

Ready 

All good.

"Are you Steve Bruce in disguise?" the imaginary crowd in my head roared.  An absolute mess.  Desperate.  As heavy a 3-1 defeat as you'll see.  The game precisely resembled a cannily coached team against one who's training crowd seems to have been mysteriously eaten by a sinkhole.  Not only are we absolutely a long ball side, we have a long ball mentality, wanting to get rid, never showing for the ball, having no confidence in our patterns of play.  I feel sorry for the players.  To paraphrase the Good Book, Father forgive them because they are being asked to do very stupid things.

Today's ratings first (season average in here)

MARTINEZ 8 (7.33)

MINGS 6 (6.5)

KONSA 4 (4)

DIGNE 3 (4.33)

CASH 6 (7)

KAMARA 5 (6)

RAMSAY 5 (5.66)

MCGINN 4 (4.33)

BUENDIA 6 (6)

BAILEY 5 (5.5)

WATKINS 5 (4.5)

COUTINHO 5 (4.33)

LUIZ 6 (6)

INGS 6 (6.33)

Monday is good.  I'll join in a wee bit.

Really not the kind of game that should be giving us a volley of mini heart attacks, especially having gone two to the good.  We so nearly threw it all away against the total dreariness of Alex Iwobi FC, a side who have something doomed about them already.  Whether that's doomed to a purgatorial mediocrity or something much worse remains to be seen.  And how good a performance this was rests very much on just how dreadful this Everton side really are.  They seemed quite rancid.  But we came away from a potential (mouldy, half-eaten) banana skin with a win, which should give our confidence a little shot in the arm.  The far greater shot in the arm was the little dose of, shall we say, Argentinian marching powder, that changed our game as it was drifting into flavourless mush.  The kind of hit even the studied indifference of Mister Steven Gerrard would find it hard to ignore.

Still, worries will be carried over to next week.  Villa's game was still largely aimless and turgid.  Until Buendia woke us up we rarely seemed at all dangerous, the numbed atmosphere quite telling.  The clap-o-meter reception at Villa park barely surpassed 'golf applause' for much of the game, the final whistle bringing relief not merriment.  Gerrard will have to do a lot more to bring the promise of a roar about the chests of expectant Villans.

As ever, today's player ratings first off (and the season's average in this little space afterwards.)  I feel like I'm being quite generous this week, as much as I felt bad at the miserly marks I assigned against Bournemouth.  It's crazy how close we came to tossing away the easiest of three points.

MARTINEZ 7 (7) Did what he had to go, got his body in the way during chaotic moments, and still looks imperious when the ball sails high into the box.  Is a slightly nervy flappiness creeping into his game?  Those hands of steel no longer look totally impervious to the odd wobble.

MINGS 7 (7) Stomped about early on as if he had a point to prove.  His argy-bargy display of typical bouncer-ish territoriality was quite welcome after last week's frailties.  Never the most graceful player, perpetually burbling towards a brain fart, the generous 7 here is largely due to the late game-saving tackle he really shouldn't have had to make.

CARLOS 6 (6) What has seemed so assured and natural today showed a slight hint of the insouciant, aimless or casual.  Hard to give him an unequivocally positive rating considering just how poor the Everton goal was.  But he's clearly the Business and I'll lose little sleep over the odd teething issue.

CASH 8 (7) The Cash of old was vital today, giving a typical 'he'll sleep tonight' performance that was equally swashbuckling and tenacious in both halves.  Final product is still an issue but today's relentless positivity and positive relentlessness gave us an obvious edge.

DIGNE 6 (5.5) The resounding image so far of Digne's Villa career is of a slightly sheepish long-distance thumbs up as he reflects upon another fruitless foray towards the opposing corner of the pitch.  Gained a sense of purpose, not totally fulfilled, when the heartthrob Buendia came on.

KAMARA 7 (6.5) You'll see far less combative, composed and dogged performances from players parachuted into the likes of the seemingly endless quagmire of Villa's Central Midfield Problem (CMP).  He's everywhere, intelligent, reads the game like he's in the middle of a meaty novel, and one suspects has demanding standards for himself.  That he'll almost certainly live up to.

McGINN 5 (4.5) If your workhorse is not particularly fast or strong, and displays little in the way of endurance or stamina, what precisely does your work horse do?  The Arse Pivot glory days seem a distant memory.

RAMSAY 7 (5.5) Although he wasn't in the game for significant periods, he brought much of the performance of Cash, dogged, tireless and surging, into our progressive phases.  Equally invaluable today, there is little that raises the hairs on one's arm as much as a long-legged Ramsay canter upfield.

COUTINHO 4 (3.5) An indispensable part of The Magician's successful performance is the mastery of angles.  What the audience can see and cannot see.  Watching Coutinho, lost in a babble of impotent flicks, is like looking at the magician from all the worst angles all the time.  No hat, no rabbit, no magic.

WATKINS 6 (5) Harsh, I know, for a dude who ended the game with two assists, but he's still playing like he has a small army of uppity crabs in his boots.  A litany of fumbles, dead end meandering and poor decisions, but ends up with two crucial interventions.  Funny old game, eh?

INGS 7 (6.5) Like the toughest dog in the yard who's face is greying, belly sagging, limbs aching, but can still whack a bite on you if you let him.  Ings in his pomp could of got an easy hat-trick today, but he was deadly when it mattered.  Straight for the jugular.

BUENDIA 7 (6) Really didn't actually do a great deal, but boy did we leap into life when he came on!  Suddenly there was movement and angles and intent and threat.  The clunky blade of Villa's second half attack got miraculously lighter and deadlier when Buendia leaped into action.  Gerrard SURELY cannot have noticed this.  Must start the next game.  And the next.

OTHER SUBS N/A

CHAMBERS 7 (7) Sweet little Chambers gets his own little 7 for the other totally, ridiculously unnecessary game-saving challenge at the close.  Good boy.

I want to try something this season.  I've found it interesting to look at other poster's player ratings so I sometimes do a round-up myself.  This has been intermittent, but as I watch every game in full (after the fact, normally) I thought it would be interesting to both rate the players and give a running average for the season.  As the season progresses I'll give marks out of ten as well as putting the average for each player afterwards in parentheses.  I should add, I'm a London sucker so I'm only ever watching the televised broadcasts, and I don't claim to be any kind of expert on football.  I just say what I see.

And so it begins.  But if this season is as dire as today things might be a little hard going.  Anyway...

Today we looked absolutely toothless as we were outthought and outplayed by a clearly limited Bournemouth who nonetheless seemed faster, stronger, sharper and keener, in pretty much every department.  Midfield is the big worry, as it has been for some time.  Somewhere we seem as weak and listless there as we ever have during this run in the top flight.  A real cause for concern.

MARTINEZ 7 Faultless for the first goal, but commanding for balls into the box throughout.  Could his positioning be faulted for the second goal?  One wonders how unshakeable his confidence will prove if the defence continues to be so disorganised and indecisive.

CARLOS 6 As strong as an ox, but far silkier, the man seems tailor-made for the Premier League.  Some of his control and passing had an effortless elegance about it, but it seems churlish to praise him too effusively when considering how soft the Bournemouth goals were.

KONSA 4 Where is the silky, slinky composure of old?  It's very disappointing to see a player that seemed destined to evolve shrink so dramatically.  You favoured him to be bullied again and again and again.  The man currently has no presence, looking troublingly willowy next to big Diego.

DIGNE 5 Troublingly limp display for a 'marquee player', who neither surges nor fights like you'd expect an elite level fullback to.  Crossing was appalling too, maybe the depressingly dominant feature from today's team performance.

CASH 6 Everyone loves a trier, but Cash does rather remind you of the concluding part of that 'Jack of all trades' saying.  Not particularly fast, not especially strong, and lacking that knack for the canny link-up play one expects from a marauding full back.  Tenacity can only get you so far in a supposedly 'progressive' team.

KAMARA 6 Clearly a player there, but this was very much a 'Welcome to the Premier League' performance.  Wasteful and lightweight at times, but an essential composure and versatility will undoubtedly shine once he dusts himself down and gets used to the whirlwind.

RAMSAY 4 Almost completely anonymous in his first half performance.  Desperate even.  In a team worryingly bereft of dribblers and ball-carriers Ramsay needs to get his all-action mojo back if he wants to justify his inclusion in any future first elevens.

McGINN 4 Another clumsy, thudding performance from our new captain.  The pitch perfect leader for such an uninspired, rudderless performance.

COUTINHO 3 The indulgence of Coutinho seems increasingly like letting a katana-wielding fop lead a bloody skirmish into No Man's Land.  Pretty, with the eternal promise of elegance, but...people gonna die.  For our ostensible conductor, Coutinho seems lightweight, disinterested and directionless.  Touch was conspicuously poor today too.  Rather than unlock opposition defences Coutinho seems to actually unpick any cohesion we have going forward.

BAILEY 6 Flashes of threat early on, but became increasingly isolated as the game wore on.  Precious little chemistry with Cash.

INGS 6 Provided a little punch and thrust early on but became frustrated pretty quickly, which lead to a deserved booking.  His lack of acceleration seems a big problem too.

BUENDIA 5 Largely anonymous.  Failed to grasp the game by the scruff of the neck like we know he can.  Seems less confident, which given his baffling treatment under Gerrard is perhaps understandable.

WATKINS 4 Nothing to see here.  Perhaps not his fault.

LUIZ N/A Couldn't get into the game.  Not sure what he could do if he did.

ARCHER N/A Poor lad.

I feel harsh issuing these ratings, even for a performance this flat.  Because this is so clearly on Gerrard.  If this is his audition for recognition as a proper Big Time Manager he's already starting to choke.

Hey there!  Thanks for reaching out.  I'm not sure what's happening with my Fantasy account.  I thought I'd joined a league, but there's no record of this on my account.  If the offer is still valid I'm very game.  Cheers.

Oh I'm definitely in!  Signing up now.

Villa blow a two goal lead, fighting in the Mings thread, country in political turmoil, underwhelming weather... but, hang on a minute... Kesler Hayden gets an assist for Real Kettering, Lovre Kalinic lifts the Freedom of the Balkans trophy, and Louie Barry with a 7.12 on Whoscored!  Weekend saved.

(Just joking with you Hornso, we all love ya)