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BennettVilla

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Posts posted by BennettVilla

    WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    This is long but brilliant :lol:

    Long but worth while

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right **** number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a word removed!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'word removed' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a word removed!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "word removed" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said," Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a word removed!"

    One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first word removed (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover word removed, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."

    "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a word removed!"

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called word removed #1.

    "Hello?"

    "You're a word removed!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you?" he asked.

    "My name is Steve Hansen."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "I live at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, word removed," and hung up.

    Then I called word removed #2. "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, word removed," I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

    "You'll do what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

    "Well, word removed, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two words removed beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

    Now I feel MUCH better.

    i love it love it love it love it love it

    The complete and utter chants thread

    in Villa Talk

    Posted

    Is it 'Gabby gabby gabby gabby gabby agbonlahor hes fast as **** hes fast as fuuuuuuuuck'

    for the older of us, not that i am very old of course :winkold:

    'Gabby gabby gabby gabby gabby agbonlahor hes got to score... he's got to scoooooooore'

    i havent actually heard this one but i guess thats what you all tell the kids :winkold:

    General Krulak (No Transfer Questions allowed)

    in Hall of Fame

    Posted

    Sorry General.

    Several of us stayed up to cheer your boys on, but to no avail. The Colts second string QB let you down big-time. He was hopeless.

    Please pass on our commiserations to Randy too.

    Happy New Year to you and your family, Randy too and everyone else at Villa Park.

    seconded

    would be awesome if you were to join the madden 08 team in the browns and nfl section

    Hatton vs Mayweather

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    **** this,

    Im gonna watch the cricket instead...

    is this cricket england?

    im sure not many people watch england cricket anymore

    Its what I stayed up for..... :lol:

    yet still didnt answer my question :winkold:

    keep me updated mate

    im on the sofa tonight so will watch it after the fig

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