villahero

There there my dear - Dexys

i've just been diagnosed as a coeliac so no more lager and i'm now joining Rob on the old tramp's juice...i tried one last night called ' henry Weston ' as it says it's suitable for coeliacs. I had 3 of the larger bottles.....and i've just about got the feeling in my teeth back

BOF....need your answers to these...

1. Bacon sandwich, butter or no butter ?

2. Chocolates, 'Roses' or 'Quality street' ?

I've just saw a fat ginger girl buying a rape alarm !!!

You've got to admire her optimism.

Bloke at the races whispers to Paddy " Do you want the winner of the next race ? "...Paddy says " no thanks, i've only got a small garden "

At least after the 2022 world cup,Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in !!

Bloke walks into WHSmith and asks " Do you have that new self help book for guys with small dicks ?".....the woman behind the counter replies " i don't think it's in yet "....the bloke says " yes, that's the one "

I'd piss in his hand sanitizer whilst he aint looking

Just got myself some new aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs.................

the birds **** love it

Bofster

if you had to choose, what limbs would you prefer to keep....your arms or your legs ?

I caught the wife watching a cookery programme today. I laughed and said " but you can't cook ! "

She replied " well...you watch porn "

Cheeky bitch

A big lardy bird approached me at the pub last night and said " Hi, i'm Anita "

I looked her up and down and replied " yeah , your not wrong you fat bitch "

Frankie Boyle in his column today...

" Amy Winehouse says she is now clean...i don't know whether she's taking drugs or not but one thing that woman isn't and that's ' clean '. Her skin looks like the floor of a ' Wetherspoons '.

She says she's not taken drugs for 3 years now. By my calculations they must be wearing off just about now...In fairness, Amy looks great - assuming she died in 2007. She says she wants to " start a family "....but passed out before she could finish saying " - sized bottle of vodka "

I don't know who i feel more sorry for - Amy or the lice who became junkies while infesting her hair.

looks more like Beverley Callard...( it's the mouth )

saw ' Machete ' last night.....Steven Seagal looks like he's eaten a farm. ( oh and he's shit as usual )

martyrs is easily the sickest most orrible film I have ever seen

you've obviously never seen ' August Underground ' then ?...my god !!!!

A Paedophile, a Hypocrite, a Homophobe and a Nazi walk into a bar....the barman says " Hello your holiness "

A person i work with's child is singing on the day with ( wait for it .....)....Susan Boyle !!!...and has to be at their school for 4AM !!! in order to clear all the security checks !!!

Anyone know who the support act is ?

Rinse me down- The Bombay Bicycle Club....great Sunday afternoon track

i don't know why the muslims are so unhappy...The ' Kerrang ' is a shite magazine anyway

Stephen Hawkin has just returned from his first date in years covered in bruises with a broken wrist...........apparently she stood him up

Wayne Rooney....Ashley Cole....John Terry....Vernon Kay .....Mark Owen

What do they all have in common ?

They all have wives who obviously need to make much more of a **** effort !!!!

from what i believe, it will take the same direction as the film....1st 2 episodes light hearted then ' Combo ' will emerge to take it darker for the last 2

just watched ' Unthinkable '....the best performance from Samuel L Jackson since Pulp Fiction.....and Michael Sheen isn't bad in it too !!!