JuanPabloAngel

I think my sig explains my views...

Czech Republic

It`s old but i like it.........

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive

restaurant in town; "Where's the pissing, motherf***ing manager, you

cock sucking arsewipe?" he enquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken aback and replies; "Excuse me sir but could you

refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager

as soon as I can".

The manager comes over and the bloke asks; "Are you the chicken-f***ing

manager of this bastard place?."

"Yes sir, I am" replies the manager, "but I would prefer if you could

refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant.

"f*** off" replies the bloke "and where's the f***ing piano?"

"Pardon?" says the manager.

"f***ing deaf as well, are we? you snivelling little piece of shit,show

me your c***ing piano".

"Ah", replies the manager, "you've come about the pianist job" and shows

the bloke to the piano.

"Can you play any blues?"

"Of course I f***ing can," and the bloke proceeds to play the most

inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has

ever heard.

"That's superb. What's it called?"

"I tried to shag your missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my

dick," replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The

bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has

ever heard.

"Magnificent," cries the manager. "What's it called?"

"I wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in

the soap drawer".

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic

ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager

has ever heard.

"And what's this called?" asks the manager.

"As I f*** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy

ring piece," replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the

job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to

any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night

sitting opposite the pianist, is the most gorgeous blonde he has

everlaid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her

breasts are almost falling out of her black lace bra, the skimpy little

"G" string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample

charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking

suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter dribbles down her chin.

The

image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to

furiously bash the bishop. He's tugging away feverishly when he hears

the manager's voice.

"Where's that bastard pianist?"

He has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the

piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and

starts playing some more tunes.

The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over, boobs in

his face and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your knob and your

bollocks are hanging out of your trousers and dripping spunk on your

shoes?"...................

And the bloke replies: "Know it? I f***ing wrote it!!!'

They were stuck in a spinning cage of vomit.

That line really made me laugh

Who would you like to see?

POSH GETS REVENGE ON BECKHAM

Rumours have emerged that Posh Spice has taken revenge on her husband, by having an affair with Michael Jackson on a recent trip to France.

Michael Jackson denies the claim, saying he was in Brooklyn at the time.