acwilliams

Sorry about the double post but:

A young girl had been raped and was in court to give evidence.

The judge asked her to tell the court precisely what the rapist said immediately before the assault.

She said that she was loath to repeat it because she had been taught not to mention such words.

The judge agreed to let her write it down for the jury's perusal.

As the note passed through the juror's hands, eyebrows were raised. The note read "I'm gonna **** your arse like it's never been **** before, you slag!"

One middle-aged lady member of the jury had been having a nap and was woken by the young man next to her and given the note.

She read it, smiled, and put it in her handbag!

The judge said, "would you mind passing that on for the other members to read?"

The woman replied, "you must be **** joking, your honour, this is strictly a personal matter!"

A good article, but I don't think that either MON or Randy will let us fail. Both have complete faith in one another and compared to some of our rivals, this could well turn out to be key.

My therapist says that I've got a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that...

You snob. :winkold:

Baby Be Mine - Michael Jackson.

And the Welsh Scottish and English are all the same race Ian . Although I agree, in a way.

I'm just unsure why it has any bearing on class. It may define your class (stereotype ahoy but black people are more likely to be working class IIRC) but by saying 'I'm working class' I doubt it matters whether you're white, black, or a discerning shade of grey, at the end of the day you're still working class.

Perhaps it doesn't, but it (race) has certainly played a big part in my heritage so I am therefore keen to acknowledge it.

Not sure I get that either but hey ho.

From my standpoint, it doesn't matter if you don't understand because at the end of the day, I like to acknowledge every part of my heritage. I don't leave little bits out, it's easier to say it in one go. You happen to think that it is not needed, and that is fine as it's your opinion, but I like to be fully aware of every part of my family history possible, so lets just agree to disagree.

Perhaps it doesn't, but it (race) has certainly played a big part in my heritage so I am therefore keen to acknowledge it.

Our family is, and always has been, a typical white British working class family. It perhaps isn't so obvious now, as both my parents have worked hard to put them and me, their only child, on a solid financial footing. My Mum has a middle-class job, but my Dad is a very worried, considering that most work is going abroad, factory worker.

Even hundreds of years back, after doing research, our family was a white Welsh working class family.

I don't suppose Swedish girls find the Brummie accent sexy do they?

Russian girls do

Good news then, as I know a bit of Russian. :winkold:

I don't suppose Swedish girls find the Brummie accent sexy do they?

But aren't the girls in your country all beauties compared to ours? :winkold:

Leave the 19 year-olds to us non ageing people. :winkold:

Us 16 year-olds prefer to use facebook.

I know I shouldn't have, but I'll admit that I at that.

Truth be told, I'm slightly concerned at how many people have tried them. Were your lives so unbearable that you had to turn to drugs for kicks?

Never have and never will.

Bunch of druggies, the lot of ya. :winkold:

A group of mates are sitting at a bar discussing problems.

"My wife has cut me down to one shag a week", said one upset looking man.

"Cheer up mate", said his friend "She's cut some of us out completely"

16

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride our bikes

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,

"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.

We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,

"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Sobbing...

Naked...

and erect.

Ahem. :winkold:

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says:

"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies:

"If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,

"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.

We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,

"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Sobbing...

Naked...

and erect.

What do lesbians do when they are on their periods???

Finger paint.

I wasnt sure initially whether it was a mis-spelling of SSN or ESPN, but I've checked both

What were the findings?