DrinkupChaCha

Rooney, all round better footballer.

People are still smoking in the Toilets in the Lower Holte

The liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to sign.

Two weeks later the 'pool are 4-0 down to man'ure with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for liverpool! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in english football.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It's wonderful!"

" Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day.

Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time."

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to liverpool in the first place!"

Quality!!

Thats a tough one