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Being a best man


NurembergVillan
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On June 1st I'll be a "best man" for the first time.  My friend, whom I have known for 31 years since his birth, is finally getting married.

 

I'm a good public speaker as I have to do it a lot for work, so the notion of the speech doesn't faze me, but I've still got to figure out exactly what I want to say.

 

We've done the whole stag-do thing.  First up was a 15-man trip to Ladies Day at Aintree then back to Manchester to meet up with a further 15 lads.  Then we had the second stag-do last weekend when 5 of us went to Marbella for the Bank Holiday weekend.

 

Sooo - any tips or pointers on the big day itself?  Any good or bad stories of your own best man experiences? 

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if it's a fairly trad wedding and has plenty of family there, make the speach more straightforward and vanilla

thank everyone

praise everyone

tell a vaguely embarassing story about him that doesn't include too much overt sexual reference

tell a joke

generally praise most people

sit down

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I've done it three times, twice of which was to the same lad, that was tricky. Just don't use notes, don't copy anything off the internet, although the often used 'Bangor' joke isn't too bad & don't copy this one

 

 

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if it's a fairly trad wedding and has plenty of family there, make the speach more straightforward and vanilla

thank everyone

praise everyone

tell a vaguely embarassing story about him that doesn't include too much overt sexual reference

tell a joke

generally praise most people

sit down

 

It's a very traditional wedding at a country house.  Two hundred guests, a fair few of them (from her side) Chinese.  My Brummie accent and ropey (at best) sense of humour will be a challenge.

 

I have very few amusing stories of him that I could tell in public.  I'm going to ring his parents tomorrow to see if they can remember any of our more childish misdemeanours.

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if it's a fairly trad wedding and has plenty of family there, make the speach more straightforward and vanilla

thank everyone

praise everyone

make a point a commenting how good the bride looks in her dress

tell a vaguely embarassing story about him that doesn't include too much overt sexual reference

tell a joke

express surprise that the groom is finally getting married because you had always assumed he was gay

generally praise most people

sit down

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I was my older brothers best man last July. I wasn't nervous about speaking either, until about 5 minutes before the speech, when it dawned on me how important it was. Don't let that bother you though. Ahem...

 

I took the piss out of my brother, told some pretty embarrassing stories and then gave a quite heartfelt tribute to how he had changed for the better with meeting his wife. I used speeches from the internet as a reference, it helped me with structuring the speech. Being totally original will be incredibly hard and unexpected, it's okay to look at what other people have done, it's how you know that yours will be any good. 

 

I wrote my brother and his wife a humorous poem to finish the speech, it was about how they met, their lives together and their engagement. 

 

Don't make it too long otherwise it'll be well boring, and as the best man I think there is some expectation on you to be funny. If you're confident of speaking in public, you'll be alright. I felt as if I sorta acted my speech rather than delivering it, if that makes sense, but it went down well. 

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Hope it goes better than the one time I did the job, which in fact had more than enough incidents in one wedding to write a feature film about. Shame the genres been done to death.

Bride blamed me for ruining her day, like it was my fault she got to the church ten mins early and saw me talking to the grooms identiacal twin outside the church and automatically thought the groom was having second thoughts. When I told her she'd have to drive round the block for 15 mins because half the guests hadn't arrived, it confirmed it for her. At the point the groom hadn't even turned up because he was fetching his ageing aunt and was running slightly late but I couldn't tell her that as... well you can imagine

Brides family hated me for taking the piss out of the priest in the speech but he deserved it because he was dressed like a tramp and never once got the grooms name correct during the ceremony, until that day we didn't know there were so many male christian names beginning with Ed. Not once did he say Edward! Certain friends were literally eating their fists at the back of the church every time he got the name wrong, to no avail, stifled guffaws could be heard and more and more of them every time a new name was introduced to the ceremony. Despite all that, me thanking Father Jack in my speech went down like a lead balloon on her side of the party.

And thats just a taster...

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'......ha ha ha, and then he said to me, ha ha ha, that's the problem with marrying a Chinese bird, ha ha ha...... an hour after you've eaten one of them......'

 

something like that should break the ice

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And thats just a taster...

 

You told us you shagged someone else's bride on their wedding day.

 

Is this the same day? :)

nope, I really couldn't have, it was as much as I could do to keep a straight face in the speech when I said how lovely she looked, my inner self was in torment, torn between bursting out laughing and the shame of saying such an outrageous lie to an audience

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I was a best man once, and didn't have a speech prepared...mostly because I thought the marriage was a joke and didn't warrant the effort... (She asked for a divorce at the reception!)

 

They ended up divorcing 4 years later...

 

The speech itself was pretty awful to be honest...but at least I kept it short.

 

When in doubt, just keep it short and sweet, you don't even need to be funny. 

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I've done it three times, twice of which was to the same lad, that was tricky. Just don't use notes, don't copy anything off the internet, although the often used 'Bangor' joke isn't too bad & don't copy this one

 

 

I've lived in Bangor for the last few years and when the blokes in suits turn up looking confused we take the piss out of them

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Sit down at the big table and remove the bottom half of your suit making sure no one sees. Then once you stand to deliver your speech you've made an instant impact and won't have to worry about what to say

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I was best man in December for a mate who i have known since birth

 

have you got any photographs of when you were young together?

 

i chose some photos of us looking pally when we were young including embarrassing ones when were about 6 and completely naked at the swimming pool (when I showed it I literally had to wait for  a whole minute for the audience to stop laughing)

 

i put them all onto powerpoint and showed them on a projector

 

it worked an absolute treat for a few reasons:

 

1. It helps to structure your speech and acts as prompts so you don't really need cards so it comes across very "off the cuff"

2. It shows the effort you have gone to

3. You can find so many funny things to say from old photos like awful hair, clothes and in this case nakedness - the speech wrote itself

4. The audience realy react well to seeing photos of you being friends for so long

 

I did the presentation, took the piss and then finished with a great "best buds" picture of us when we were 8 and said some soppy cheesy lines to finish.

 

The feedback i got from people was brilliant

 

There's not many best men out there who have been pretty inseparable since birth so definitely take advantage of it mate

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