maqroll Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) Ok, so now I'm even more unsure of my approach to this...this evening, I was doing some yard work when they pulled up in the caretaker's car. The caretaker just sat there while the old lady struggled to even stand up out of the car seat. I went over to her, and offered my arm, and she said "It's so nice to have someone to help me...they expect me to always do this by myself". As I walked her up six stairs to the front door, I could tell just how frail and wobbly she is. The caretaker drove around the block so that she could pull in the driveway frontwards. I took the opportunity to ask the old girl if everything was alright with the caretaker, and she said yes. When she said "They" expect me, I got to thinking that maybe she is on some kind of regime where she is supposed to do these things by herself...but she's so frail, one slip and fall, and it's all over. When I finished the yard and came back inside, the first thing I heard was the caretaker yelling "I can't do every little thing for you!" The caretaker is by and large a nice woman. She helped jump my car battery twice, and did some snow shoveling when my back was f*cked up. She's basically a pleasant enough person, but I think she's burnt out, and letting her frustration turn into anger directed at the old woman. But the car thing- shouldn't a caretaker be helping her in this instance? It seems a prime example of precisely what a caretaker should be doing... Ughh...the old lady said everything is ok, so maybe I should mind my own business? This is stressing me... Edited April 25, 2013 by maqroll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 It sounds like the caretaker may need some extra aid. I'd have a conversation with the carer and try to remain calm and casual and see if she may open up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyShears Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Perpetrators of domestic abuse are often the most charming people, but it's an act. Victims of domestic abuse are often so afraid they cannot get away, they pretend everything is ok. It all feeds into the downward spiral. This is a difficult situation dude. The healthcare professional will be duty-bound to act, and will be able to protect your confidentiality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted April 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted April 25, 2013 Ughh...the old lady said everything is ok, so maybe I should mind my own business? This is stressing me... Option 1. You say nothing. You continue to be stressed and something bad may happen. Similarly something bad might not happen but you do continue to be stressed. Option 2. You say something. Two possible outcomes here. Either you look like a prick because there is nothing wrong (but you know your conscience is clear and the old lady is safe) or you avert some disaster for the old dear. Either way, from what you've said so far you clearly have cause for concern so quit prevaricating and go do something about it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted April 25, 2013 I'd tell the son. Leave it in his hands. If he does nothign then you've done your bit, and as Choffer says, you've got a clear conscience. Not nice for the old dear if the son does nothing and it carries on, but it's better than doing nothing because then it would carry on regardless and you'd still feel guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post GarethRDR Posted April 25, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2013 Option 3. It sounds like you're probably in there with Granny, so start tapping that sweet nonagenarian ass and you'll get the inside scoop. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CI Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 You need to report this before it's all too late. Then you'd be wrestling with your conscience for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I would definitely have a conversation with any one involved that you can. My mind would worry and I'd be picturing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 When she said "They" expect me, I got to thinking that maybe she is on some kind of regime where she is supposed to do these things by herself...but she's so frail, one slip and fall, and it's all over. Potentially, yes. My great-grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, she was 103. Had lived in an old folks about for a couple of years (remarkably she was still very independent up to 100), and had carers and that. She had a fall and broke her collarbone, went in to hospital, but they couldn't really do anything apart from administer pain killers. Month or so later, she died. Meetings with the home, the carers, and social services are still on going to try and determine...well, blame, I guess. Wouldn't wish a similar scenario on anyone, if you're in a position where you might've been able to step in at some point, even if you're not related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Have a quiet word with your landlord. Explain the situation to him carefully and demand that he install proper soundproofing in the downstairs ceiling. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 Well, I told my landlord last night. I told him I'd call Elder Services today, which I did....so I've done my part. Hope it helps. Seems I've aggravated some tensions between younger family members though...the dodgy caretaker is a friend of my landlord's sister-in-law.... Should be an interesting summer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Well, I told my landlord last night. I told him I'd call Elder Services today, which I did....so I've done my part. Hope it helps. Seems I've aggravated some tensions between younger family members though...the dodgy caretaker is a friend of my landlord's sister-in-law.... Should be an interesting summer... All the best with it. In all seriousness, I think you've conducted yourself correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 (edited) Thanks 8pints. And everyone else for your advice. Edited May 9, 2013 by maqroll 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted May 9, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 9, 2013 What Pintor said. I hope it results in her getting better care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 What Pintor said. I hope it results in her getting better care. I hope that nickname catches on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dont_do_it_doug. Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Nice one fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Must not post joke about Morpheus and his Aunt in this thread. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderPower_14 Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 You've definitely done the right thing here mate. Your conscience will be much clearer with their entire family thinking you are a meddling prick (which they wont anyway) than it would have if the abuse got any worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mockingbird_franklin Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Must not post joke about Morpheus and his Aunt in this thread. Either you read my mind, or I read yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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