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Computer Virus (cold call)


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I had the microsoft error report scam a couple of months ago.

I kept the bugger on the phone for nearly 30 minutes by constantly appearing to be just about to give him what he wanted, claiming it took ages to warm up and so on. I figured that was 30 minutes of other calls he wasn't making.

I do that as well, it amuses me no end. I just tell them I am going to get whatever they need and put the phone down so they can just hear the TV.

I might take a clip from a film though and just play that, some scene where it starts normal and ends in disaster ? (Thinking about it, Allan Partridge could be more than ideal for this "Back of the net". English is the 2nd language for the idiots that cold call me so even better.

Do you want a loan ?

"Back of the net"

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I always cut wrestling promo's on them! My go to promo is The Rock.

An example:

Me: Hello

Them: Hello, I'm calling from blah blah blah

Me: Who in the blue hell are you?

Them: My name is...

Me: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS

Me: Listen jabroni, The Rock says this, know your role and shut your mouth. Otherwise The Rock is gonna take this phone, shine it up real nice, then he's gonna take it, turn that sum bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass! IF YA SSSSMMMEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!

Then I hang up, rather pleased with myself. Admittedly it's much funnier at the time but I'm sure some of you get the idea.

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