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Rules of manliness


wiggyrichard

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#168 When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

#169 Unless he has murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

#170 A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - BBQ, car, firstborn child - within 12 hrs notice. Women, or anything considered "lucky", are not applicable in this case.

#171 Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

#172 If you leave you stool/chair in the pub for whatever reason, cardiac arrest of a fellow patron etc. The "2 minute rule" comes into play and your stool/chair is up for grabs.

#173 Shotgun can be called on anything as long as you are in eyesight of the object.

#174 If your buddy is trying to pull a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chances of getting any either.

#175 Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "**** off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

#176 If a mate has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

#177 When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times.

#178 If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

#179 No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

#180 Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

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#286 Always purchase the largest size condom on sale, winking is discretionary.

#287 If you have to buy a bottle of wine during dinner always choose the bottle that is second cheapest, only choose the cheapest when she's a cert.

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#474 If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

#475 Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

#476 In an empty room, car, etc., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn't talking.

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