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Rules of manliness


wiggyrichard

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#23 When camping, for cooking purposes a fire must be built from scratch...never ever use a camping stove!

#24 Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

#25 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

#26 When on a coach trip for a lads day out/weekend, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

#27 When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

#28 Never tell another man he's "flying low", it's his problem!

#29 Women who claim they "love watching football" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to explain the offside rule.

#30 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360, End of story.

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#001 - It is only acceptable to shag your mates sister if you have every intention of marrying her.

PASS - Didn't do either. Thought about it, though.

#002 - But always Joke about shagging your mates sister

PASS

#003 - Do not hug another man unless they have recently had someone close to them die. In that situation, make sure your hips don't touch, you slap them firmly on the back and that it does not last for more than two seconds

PASS

#004 Do not listen to Queen

PASS

#005 Asking directions makes you a weak person.

PASS

#006 If you are considering keeping a diary/journal instantly seek medical consultation

PASS

#007a ALWAYS D.I.Y.

PASS

#007b-eat cold curry for breakfast

FAIL

#008 It is only ever acceptable to put sun cream on another man if he lets you have sex with his wife/girlfriend/mum immediately after.

PASS - Never done either

#009-masturbate daily even if you have a missus

FAIL - if "daily" is a strict rule

#010a Being able to parrallel park

PASS

#010b - never eat a curry unless it's at least madrass hot

FAIL - hate the stuff

#011- if you have a bird in your bed, be sure to Dutch oven her. If you don't then she was never really in your bed

FAIL - I'm a gentleman, me

#015 there is no point adhering to any other man rules if you own an electric mower it must be petrol

FAIL - only ever had an electric

#016 if you can remember the colour of a girls eyes after the first date ..she's got small tits

PASS

#017- own a dog but never a cat

FAIL - cats rule

#018. Kill it quickly with a minimum of fuss.

PASS

#023 When camping, for cooking purposes a fire must be built from scratch...never ever use a camping stove!

PASS

#024 Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

PASS

#025 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

PASS

#026 When on a coach trip for a lads day out/weekend, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

PASS

#263 its never ok to know the words to girls aloud songs, you can watch the videos as much as you want but your telly should always be on mute

PASS

#027a When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

PASS

#027b You must have a favourite, Boxer, Whiskey and Pornstar.

FAIL - whisk(e)y, yes. Hate boxing. Pornstars have NAMES???

#028 Never tell another man he's "flying low", it's his problem!

PASS

#029 Women who claim they "love watching football" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to explain the offside rule.

PASS

#030 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360, End of story.

PASS (in my case, a book I want to read, rather than an Xbox, but I believe the priciple holds)

#031 and the Xbox 360 must be bought on christmas eve

PASS

#035- own at least 3 films starring Clint eastwood

PASS

#036 But only own Bridges of Madison County, or Paint your Wagon if you own ALL films by Clint Eastwood.

PASS (don't have either)

#037 Don't talk in bumper stickers

PASS

#043 - never read the instructions, just get on with it.

PASS

#047 ignore any health issues until patently too late to do anything about it

PASS

#048 always go one mile further than last time the petrol tank said empty

PASS

#057 - do not look at the ingredients on a tin of "food", simply heat it up and scoff it from the can.

PASS

#057 - The only soap to be used is Swarfega.

FAIL (but I only use plain soap - and NO **** PERFUME!!!)

#074 Do not eat mayonaisse. It is French, ghey, resembles semen and just about every other sauce is superior. Your sandwich deserves better.

FAIL - mayo is OK

#076 You must drink a can of beer on the train, no matter how short the journey.

PASS

#081- washing up dishes?????

FAIL - I get to play the music I like while washing up

#083- always tell everyone possible when you have had a monster shit and go into as much detail as possible

FAIL - boring

#108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony)

PASS

#210 Real men hunt in packs.

FAIL

#349 - You must watch Die Hard, Predator and Aliens at least once a year each.

FAIL - never seen Die Hard or Predator, Aliens not as good as Alien

#410- baked beans are to be eaten cold, straight out of the tin

PASS

#442 Take pride in your farts, even to the point of bragging about them.

PASS

#451 A poo is the most relaxing part of the day. Spend at least 30 minutes over it and don't forget some light reading.

PASS

****

Not a bad percentage. What's the pass mark?

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#001 - It is only acceptable to shag your mates sister if you have every intention of marrying her.

PASS - Didn't do either. Thought about it, though.

#002 - But always Joke about shagging your mates sister

PASS

#003 - Do not hug another man unless they have recently had someone close to them die. In that situation, make sure your hips don't touch, you slap them firmly on the back and that it does not last for more than two seconds

PASS

#004 Do not listen to Queen

FAIL

#005 Asking directions makes you a weak person.

PASS

#006 If you are considering keeping a diary/journal instantly seek medical consultation

PASS

#007a ALWAYS D.I.Y.

PASS

#007b-eat cold curry for breakfast

PASS

#008 It is only ever acceptable to put sun cream on another man if he lets you have sex with his wife/girlfriend/mum immediately after.

PASS

#009-masturbate daily even if you have a missus

PASS

#010a Being able to parrallel park

FAIL CANT DRIVE

#010b - never eat a curry unless it's at least madrass hot

PASS

#011- if you have a bird in your bed, be sure to Dutch oven her. If you don't then she was never really in your bed

PASS

#015 there is no point adhering to any other man rules if you own an electric mower it must be petrol

FAIL - DONT OWN EITHER

#016 if you can remember the colour of a girls eyes after the first date ..she's got small tits

PASS

#017- own a dog but never a cat

PASS

#018. Kill it quickly with a minimum of fuss.

PASS

#023 When camping, for cooking purposes a fire must be built from scratch...never ever use a camping stove!

PASS

#024 Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

PASS

#025 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

PASS

#026 When on a coach trip for a lads day out/weekend, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

PASS

#263 its never ok to know the words to girls aloud songs, you can watch the videos as much as you want but your telly should always be on mute

PASS

#027a When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

PASS

#027b You must have a favourite, Boxer, Whiskey and Pornstar.

PASS

#028 Never tell another man he's "flying low", it's his problem!

PASS

#029 Women who claim they "love watching football" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to explain the offside rule.

PASS

#030 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360, End of story.

PASS

#031 and the Xbox 360 must be bought on christmas eve

DEFINATE PASS

#035- own at least 3 films starring Clint eastwood

PASS

#036 But only own Bridges of Madison County, or Paint your Wagon if you own ALL films by Clint Eastwood.

PASS (don't have either)

#037 Don't talk in bumper stickers

DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT THIS ONE IS ON ABOUT

#043 - never read the instructions, just get on with it.

PASS

#047 ignore any health issues until patently too late to do anything about it

PASS

#048 always go one mile further than last time the petrol tank said empty

PASS

#057 - do not look at the ingredients on a tin of "food", simply heat it up and scoff it from the can.

PASS

#057 - The only soap to be used is Swarfega.

PROBABLY A FAIL I DONT KNOW WHAT I USE I JUST GRAB WHATEVER IS TO HAND

#074 Do not eat mayonaisse. It is French, ghey, resembles semen and just about every other sauce is superior. Your sandwich deserves better.

PASS HATE THE STUFF

#076 You must drink a can of beer on the train, no matter how short the journey.

PASS

#081- washing up dishes?????

FAIL -

#083- always tell everyone possible when you have had a monster shit and go into as much detail as possible

PASS

#108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony)

PASS

#210 Real men hunt in packs.

FAIL

#349 - You must watch Die Hard, Predator and Aliens at least once a year each.

PASS

#410- baked beans are to be eaten cold, straight out of the tin

FAIL HATE BEANS

#442 Take pride in your farts, even to the point of bragging about them.

PASS

#451 A poo is the most relaxing part of the day. Spend at least 30 minutes over it and don't forget some light reading.

PASS

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#228 Only in times of physical peril, may you kick another man in the balls.

#229 Fighting naked is only allowed in jail.

#230 Never ever drink alcopops, unless it's served by a topless barmaid...and it's free.

#231 Never complain about the brand of free beer on offer, however, complain at will about the temperature.

#232 Never be scared about reaching for the last beer or last slice of pizza...but not both.

#233 If it bleeds it's edible.

#234 All BBQ food must be consumed between two pieces of bread ie. bap/cob etc.

#235 The use of cutlery at a BBQ is strictly forbidden.

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#001 - It is only acceptable to shag your mates sister if you have every intention of marrying her.

PASS

#002 - But always Joke about shagging your mates sister

PASS

#003 - Do not hug another man unless they have recently had someone close to them die. In that situation, make sure your hips don't touch, you slap them firmly on the back and that it does not last for more than two seconds

PASS

#004 Do not listen to Queen

PASS

#005 Asking directions makes you a weak person.

FAIL - I hate being lost even slightly.

#006 If you are considering keeping a diary/journal instantly seek medical consultation

PASS

#007a ALWAYS D.I.Y.

FAIL - Know your limits. I can do flatpack and painting. I can't do shelves, doors, windows etc.

#007b-eat cold curry for breakfast

PASS

#008 It is only ever acceptable to put sun cream on another man if he lets you have sex with his wife/girlfriend/mum immediately after.

PASS

#009-masturbate daily even if you have a missus

FAIL

#010a Being able to parrallel park

PASS

#010b - never eat a curry unless it's at least madrass hot

PASS

#011- if you have a bird in your bed, be sure to Dutch oven her. If you don't then she was never really in your bed

FAIL

#015 there is no point adhering to any other man rules if you own an electric mower it must be petrol

FAIL

#016 if you can remember the colour of a girls eyes after the first date ..she's got small tits

PASS

#017- own a dog but never a cat

PASS

#018. Kill it quickly with a minimum of fuss.

FAIL - Conditional pass if we're talking rats & mice.

#023 When camping, for cooking purposes a fire must be built from scratch...never ever use a camping stove!

I don't camp. I'm not a hippie.

#024 Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

PASS

#025 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

PASS

#026 When on a coach trip for a lads day out/weekend, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

PASS

#263 its never ok to know the words to girls aloud songs, you can watch the videos as much as you want but your telly should always be on mute

PASS

#027a When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

PASS

#027b You must have a favourite, Boxer, Whiskey and Pornstar.

PASS

#028 Never tell another man he's "flying low", it's his problem!

PASS

#029 Women who claim they "love watching football" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to explain the offside rule.

PASS

#030 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360, End of story.

FAIL

#031 and the Xbox 360 must be bought on christmas eve

FAIL - shouldn't this be 030a ?

#035- own at least 3 films starring Clint eastwood

FAIL - Eh, no thanks.

#036 But only own Bridges of Madison County, or Paint your Wagon if you own ALL films by Clint Eastwood.

PASS - I own neither

#037 Don't talk in bumper stickers

PASS

#043 - never read the instructions, just get on with it.

FAIL - OCD organisation ftw.

#047 ignore any health issues until patently too late to do anything about it

PASS

#048 always go one mile further than last time the petrol tank said empty

PASS

#057 - do not look at the ingredients on a tin of "food", simply heat it up and scoff it from the can.

FAIL - As I'm obsessed with the contents of anything I buy, this simply won't happen.

#057 - The only soap to be used is Swarfega.

FAIL - Too expensive for domestic use :P

#074 Do not eat mayonaisse. It is French, ghey, resembles semen and just about every other sauce is superior. Your sandwich deserves better.

PASS

#076 You must drink a can of beer on the train, no matter how short the journey.

FAIL - I probably do drink every time on a train, because I'm only ever ON a train when going on a weekend away. So a conditional pass.

#081- washing up dishes?????

FAIL - Well no-one else will.

#083- always tell everyone possible when you have had a monster shit and go into as much detail as possible

PASS

#108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony)

PASS

#210 Real men hunt in packs.

PASS

#349 - You must watch Die Hard, Predator and Aliens at least once a year each.

FAIL - Predator yes. The others? Meh.

#410- baked beans are to be eaten cold, straight out of the tin

PASS

#442 Take pride in your farts, even to the point of bragging about them.

PASS

#451 A poo is the most relaxing part of the day. Spend at least 30 minutes over it and don't forget some light reading.

FAIL - 30 minutes? Poo takes 2 minutes at most. Job(bie) done.

I'm comfortable with my failure rate :D

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108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony)

#108b when giving an example of how to address your gay friend , use a different name other than Tony for said example

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108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony)

#108b when giving an example of how to address your gay friend , use a different name other than Tony for said example

Too late, mate.

I can see you being Gay Tony on VT for some considerable time... :lol:

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