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irreverentad

Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

Yeh but you are a bloke, men are from Mars, Women are from venus and all that :winkold:

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:lol: I actually thought about shopping one on. It was going to be my retort if someone said it didnt look like him!

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

Yeh but you are a bloke, men are from Mars, Women are from venus and all that :winkold:

Completely. Just thought I'd add something to the debate.

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

Wow Shillzz, I am in word for word exactly the same position.

Ie she would be a fantastic girlfriend, but not sure I am ready for one

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

Wow Shillzz, I am in word for word exactly the same position.

Ie she would be a fantastic girlfiren, but not sure I am ready for one

In reality, if she sticks around for long enough, she'll probably make your mind up for you. Leaving you thinking, 'how the hell did this happen!?!'.

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I'm actually currently in a very similar situation to yourself Dante, except I'm playing the role of the person who doesnt really want to be in a relationship. Things are going very swimmingly, and I dont really want to commit to anything at the moment (due to recent break up of 7 year relationship), although I know she does. I'm quite happy to continue growing more fond of her gradually, knowing that eventually i'll probably commit to a proper relationship. That said, if she turned around now and gave me the ultimatum then I would probably run a mile.

Wow Shillzz, I am in word for word exactly the same position.

Ie she would be a fantastic girlfiren, but not sure I am ready for one

In reality, if she sticks around for long enough, she'll probably make your mind up for you. Leaving you thinking, 'how the hell did this happen!?!'.

True although she wants to go on holiday with me in Feb. I want to, and will, go on my own. I can see this being a relationship breaker.

Also her debt from a previous relationship really worries me. Abusive physically and mentally former relationship and ex has fleed the country.

About £25k and that is before they sell her repossessed house and the negative equity.

Would that put you off a girl?

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If I really liked her, then I dont think it would massively put me off. Though i'd be very carefull not to let it impact on my own finances, having been stung pretty badly from my own ex.

The behaviour of her ex, whilst perhaps making her slightly untrusting towards others, will probably make you a saint in her eyes.

Just don't go buying a house with her (wish I could send this message to myself 9 months ago!).

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Cheers Shillzz.

To be fair she has never asked for money and I would never give it to her. She is pretty independant now and even earns more than me!!!

Nope I am in the same boat. I am living with the ex until I sell my house. Never again!!

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Christ, are you still living with her?

Mine moved out, which was nice, really don't think I'd have the stomach for living with her anymore. I suppose buying her out isnt an option?

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Yup.

It aint too bad to be fair. It is all civil and friendly.

I don't want anything to tie me down once we sell. I want the freedom. She wants the same.

She has even bought me a villa top for xmas.

I have been honest and told the girl I am seeing that I still live with the ex too. She is cool with it.

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Cheers Shillzz.

To be fair she has never asked for money and I would never give it to her. She is pretty independant now and even earns more than me!!!

Nope I am in the same boat. I am living with the ex until I sell my house. Never again!!

I think you would live in a tent with them if you love them though I would draw the line at involviing myself in her debt as seen it done to often.

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Your a better man than I mate.

I've not even spoken to my ex since she disappeared, found that far easier.

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Cheers Shillzz.

To be fair she has never asked for money and I would never give it to her. She is pretty independant now and even earns more than me!!!

Nope I am in the same boat. I am living with the ex until I sell my house. Never again!!

I think you would live in a tent with them if you love them though I would draw the line at involviing myself in her debt as seen it done to often.

Nope, I am far too tight to help with her debt!

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Your a better man than I mate.

I've not even spoken to my ex since she disappeared, found that far easier.

After the initial shock, I was quite level headed.

I would have been pissed if she had cheated on me or done a runner, but all she did was be honest and say she didn't love me anymore. In many ways I have realised that she was right. It was just 'comfortable' after 11 years.

But we still get on and we are friends. I know she doest want to go back. I also know that I don't want to aswell. So there are no messy feelings.

It has become quite easy. Also she still does my washing :D

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That sounds far more amicable than my own break up. I'd love to still be friends with my ex, but the way she treated me during the break up means I'd rather just not see her unfortunately. Still Love her to bits, and would happily take her back at any given time, which is the driving factor behind staying as far away as possible.

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Your a better man than I mate.

I've not even spoken to my ex since she disappeared, found that far easier.

After the initial shock, I was quite level headed.

I would have been pissed if she had cheated on me or done a runner, but all she did was be honest and say she didn't love me anymore. In many ways I have realised that she was right. It was just 'comfortable' after 11 years.

But we still get on and we are friends. I know she doest want to go back. I also know that I don't want to aswell. So there are no messy feelings.

It has become quite easy. Also she still does my washing :D

I remember when you posted about this as it was happening so good to get an update like that. So have you not shagged since?

The money situation is a tough one but as long as you keep your money safe and your credit too then you are ok, she shouldnt be punished because of something that someone else may have had an imput into.

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That sounds far more amicable than my own break up. I'd love to still be friends with my ex, but the way she treated me during the break up means I'd rather just not see her unfortunately. Still Love her to bits, and would happily take her back at any given time, which is the driving factor behind staying as far away as possible.

Yup.

I am glad that our breakup was amicable. Otherwise I might have seen it as a waste of 11 years! Which would have been difficult.

Not that she ever would, but if my ex wanted us to get back together, the one thing that would stop me would be that I wouldnt want the constant worry that she is happy or not. Also I would hate to be someone that an individual just settles for.

You seem like a sound fella mate. And take it from someone who has been there, make sure whoever you end up with REALLY want to be with you!

Don't be anyones 'comfort blanket'!

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