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11 minutes ago, Villan_of_oz said:

 

They get upset ...... You apologise

You get upset ....... They get upset ....... You apologise.

 

An ex of mine used to do exactly this and I hated it. It used to absolutely infuriate me and she couldn't see why I'd get so annoyed.

If she was angry about something, she'd be moody and horrible and argumentative. And she'd excuse any behaviour because "she was upset" so basically it doesn't matter if she was horrible, she was upset so it's ok. 
Kind of annoyed me because I'm not wired that way, but whatever. I can understand it.

But if I was ever annoyed at anything, exactly what you said would happen. I'd say that something had pissed me off, then SHE would fly off the handle and get upset, and I'd end up having to apologise.

 

The message is basically "I can be upset and do whatever I want, but you're not allowed to get upset about anything"

 

I honestly class that as psychological abuse. Luckily for me it was a short relationship. But if you were stuck in a relationship like that it would drive you round the bend.

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1 minute ago, Stevo985 said:

An ex of mine used to do exactly this and I hated it. It used to absolutely infuriate me and she couldn't see why I'd get so annoyed.

If she was angry about something, she'd be moody and horrible and argumentative. And she'd excuse any behaviour because "she was upset" so basically it doesn't matter if she was horrible, she was upset so it's ok. 
Kind of annoyed me because I'm not wired that way, but whatever. I can understand it.

But if I was ever annoyed at anything, exactly what you said would happen. I'd say that something had pissed me off, then SHE would fly off the handle and get upset, and I'd end up having to apologise.

 

The message is basically "I can be upset and do whatever I want, but you're not allowed to get upset about anything"

 

I honestly class that as psychological abuse. Luckily for me it was a short relationship. But if you were stuck in a relationship like that it would drive you round the bend.

Yeah mate that's how it is and I'm married haha, but for the most part I love her and she is awesome. Just as long as I don't get upset about anything ....

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4 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

An ex of mine used to do exactly this and I hated it. It used to absolutely infuriate me and she couldn't see why I'd get so annoyed.

If she was angry about something, she'd be moody and horrible and argumentative. And she'd excuse any behaviour because "she was upset" so basically it doesn't matter if she was horrible, she was upset so it's ok. 
Kind of annoyed me because I'm not wired that way, but whatever. I can understand it.

But if I was ever annoyed at anything, exactly what you said would happen. I'd say that something had pissed me off, then SHE would fly off the handle and get upset, and I'd end up having to apologise.

 

The message is basically "I can be upset and do whatever I want, but you're not allowed to get upset about anything"

 

I honestly class that as psychological abuse. Luckily for me it was a short relationship. But if you were stuck in a relationship like that it would drive you round the bend.

Hormones. 

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3 minutes ago, Villan_of_oz said:

Yeah mate that's how it is and I'm married haha, but for the most part I love her and she is awesome. Just as long as I don't get upset about anything ....

They sound quite similar to be honest. She used to do the predictive thing as well.

In fact she'd just flat out lie.

 

Like I missed a call off her once because my phone was upstairs on charge. She kicked off and said I'd ignored her call and wouldn't accept the very simple explanation that my phone was upstairs.
I totally didn't get it. If she'd missed a call from me and gave me that explanation I'd have no reason not to believe it. I was like "why would I ignore you. I like you. I want to speak to you. there's no reason for me to ignore you!"

She wouldn't have it. and for weeks she'd throw it back at me "like that time you ignored my call!"

Literally just lying. Very weird behaviour

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3 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Hormones. 

Probably. I guess that's why we (males) just don't "get it"

The whole being in a mood with someone just doesn't compute with me. I couldn't even do it if I wanted to. I don't understand being in a mood with someone for days because of one thing they did. It would never happen with me. And that's not trying to be a bigger person or anything, I just don't even think I could do it if I was trying.

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I understand the reasons why women don't like men talking about, or making jokes about, 'that time of the month' but it equally seems pointless to me to pretend that it has no effect on how women act when it very visibly does. 

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26 minutes ago, HanoiVillan said:

I understand the reasons why women don't like men talking about, or making jokes about, 'that time of the month' but it equally seems pointless to me to pretend that it has no effect on how women act when it very visibly does. 

Especially when it's often used as an excuse. "Oh sorry, I'm on my period so I'm just a bit moody"

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8 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Especially when it's often used as an excuse. "Oh sorry, I'm on my period so I'm just a bit moody"

Never, ever heard that. Quite the opposite, in fact, total denial. Until looking back, post menopause, she now concedes it was a total nightmare. 

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1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

Hormones. 

image.png.b9d5dd6fb39573b900638d1edbfc1816.png

And these. I'm convinced they are a big part of perfectly good relationships going down the drain. Stuffing a hormone bomb into a person already dealing with mood-swings during menstrual cycles just can't be good

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10 hours ago, Seat68 said:

Calm down is a good one. No one ever calmed down by being told to calm down. 

My absolute ‘go to’ if I want to trigger someone.

Just after Christmas some woman pushed in front of my nipper to get in a lift. I blocked her and told her ‘calm down love, we’ll all be at the shops quick enough’.

My nipper later complimented me on the addition of ‘love’.

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9 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

An ex of mine used to do exactly this and I hated it. It used to absolutely infuriate me and she couldn't see why I'd get so annoyed.

If she was angry about something, she'd be moody and horrible and argumentative. And she'd excuse any behaviour because "she was upset" so basically it doesn't matter if she was horrible, she was upset so it's ok. 
Kind of annoyed me because I'm not wired that way, but whatever. I can understand it.

But if I was ever annoyed at anything, exactly what you said would happen. I'd say that something had pissed me off, then SHE would fly off the handle and get upset, and I'd end up having to apologise.

 

The message is basically "I can be upset and do whatever I want, but you're not allowed to get upset about anything"

 

I honestly class that as psychological abuse. Luckily for me it was a short relationship. But if you were stuck in a relationship like that it would drive you round the bend.

I've been in too many of those types of relationships. Maybe opposites attract but I always seem to attract the drama queen. Of course, the drama is well hidden to begin with but it soon manifests itself. I have a stressful enough job without having to tread on eggshells at home. Now I have a zero tolerance to behaviour like that. I read somewhere that a lot of women thrive on conflict, so even if everything is going well they will throw a shit test bomb in to mix things up. Must give them an endorphin rush!

 

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3 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

My absolute ‘go to’ if I want to trigger someone.

Just after Christmas some woman pushed in front of my nipper to get in a lift. I blocked her and told her ‘calm down love, we’ll all be at the shops quick enough’.

My nipper later complimented me on the addition of ‘love’.

If you want to upgrade try “wind ya neck in” 

 

that’s nuclear 

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I'm not allowed to disagree with my wife.  Unless I eventually come around to her point of view.  If I start using logic to convince her why I'm right it quickly  changes from a disagreement and debate into me being a bad guy.  Luckily, I don't seem to have as great a need as her to fight every battle.

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3 hours ago, il_serpente said:

I'm not allowed to disagree with my wife.  Unless I eventually come around to her point of view.  If I start using logic to convince her why I'm right it quickly  changes from a disagreement and debate into me being a bad guy.  Luckily, I don't seem to have as great a need as her to fight every battle.

I'm on one about this ex now.

If I did the bit in bold then it was me being self righteous and superior, thinking I'm right.

 

Obviously I think I'm right. Why would I think something if I thought it was wrong? Everybody thinks they're right until someone shows them theyr'e wrong. Apart from women.

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I use neutralising techniques like asking her to explain what I've done pr if we can be civil with each other, because getting angry with one another doesn't help anyone. 

I've often had to "tread on eggshells" with my wife because she suffers with anxiety a little at times, which is heightened under stress.  Coupled with being very smart and she has a crystal clear memory of everything she has done and said (oh how I wish I could remember what I said about something 5 mins ago), means that often times, even when I think I've done the right thing, I could have done it or said it better.

I think I was 28 before I realised that my words could seriously affect other people.  I've always had the facade of "I don't give a shit about anything and I'll say what I want", but at 28 I realised that words and how you put them together can be pretty damaging.  

In an argument, I'd say "can you stop being mental?" or "you're crazy" - which used to make any argument or disagreement 10 times worse.  Turns out that she often felt like she was actually a bit crazy and being told that in a fight really hurt her.  

I think we actually manage each other quite well nowadays.  We've a 5 year old and a 8 month old so mornings now she's started back at work after Xmas are proving to be stress hot spots, but even this morning we spoke about how we can get the kids to nursery/school easier and less stress-fully.  My 5 year old has to go to before and after school clubs now, which he doesn't particularly enjoy, and he doesn't really understand time constraints and how being late for work doesn't benefit him, so him digging his heels on a morning can become quite irksome!

I'd recommend for anyone who is continually stressed and being run down that you book something, so you can focus on that - have something to look forward to.  Doesn't matter what, but a holiday or a weekend planned for a few months time can give you a lot distraction.  Little things go a long way.  I'm terrible at seeing jobs that need doing and I'm really working on checking the washing bin on a night and throwing a load into the washing machine, or getting the kids bags ready for tomorrow, or sterilising bottles, putting shit away, keeping the bog clean - anything that takes the burden off (or just sharing the burden as it should be) is really noticed. 

 

Take care of yourself, and each other..

Next time on Uncle Lap - how approach the subject of anal - for the husband :) 

 

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14 hours ago, Xela said:

I've been in too many of those types of relationships. Maybe opposites attract but I always seem to attract the drama queen. Of course, the drama is well hidden to begin with but it soon manifests itself. I have a stressful enough job without having to tread on eggshells at home. Now I have a zero tolerance to behaviour like that. I read somewhere that a lot of women thrive on conflict, so even if everything is going well they will throw a shit test bomb in to mix things up. Must give them an endorphin rush!

 

Oh sorry, i assumed you meant :

683604082629260c9264726d4ad18379.jpg

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2 hours ago, lapal_fan said:

I use neutralising techniques like asking her to explain what I've done pr if we can be civil with each other, because getting angry with one another doesn't help anyone. 

I've often had to "tread on eggshells" with my wife because she suffers with anxiety a little at times, which is heightened under stress.  Coupled with being very smart and she has a crystal clear memory of everything she has done and said (oh how I wish I could remember what I said about something 5 mins ago), means that often times, even when I think I've done the right thing, I could have done it or said it better.

I think I was 28 before I realised that my words could seriously affect other people.  I've always had the facade of "I don't give a shit about anything and I'll say what I want", but at 28 I realised that words and how you put them together can be pretty damaging.  

In an argument, I'd say "can you stop being mental?" or "you're crazy" - which used to make any argument or disagreement 10 times worse.  Turns out that she often felt like she was actually a bit crazy and being told that in a fight really hurt her.  

I think we actually manage each other quite well nowadays.  We've a 5 year old and a 8 month old so mornings now she's started back at work after Xmas are proving to be stress hot spots, but even this morning we spoke about how we can get the kids to nursery/school easier and less stress-fully.  My 5 year old has to go to before and after school clubs now, which he doesn't particularly enjoy, and he doesn't really understand time constraints and how being late for work doesn't benefit him, so him digging his heels on a morning can become quite irksome!

I'd recommend for anyone who is continually stressed and being run down that you book something, so you can focus on that - have something to look forward to.  Doesn't matter what, but a holiday or a weekend planned for a few months time can give you a lot distraction.  Little things go a long way.  I'm terrible at seeing jobs that need doing and I'm really working on checking the washing bin on a night and throwing a load into the washing machine, or getting the kids bags ready for tomorrow, or sterilising bottles, putting shit away, keeping the bog clean - anything that takes the burden off (or just sharing the burden as it should be) is really noticed. 

 

Take care of yourself, and each other..

Next time on Uncle Lap - how approach the subject of anal - for the husband :) 

 

 Me too. Chloroform works best 👍

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On 28/01/2020 at 11:41, Tegis said:

image.png.b9d5dd6fb39573b900638d1edbfc1816.png

And these. I'm convinced they are a big part of perfectly good relationships going down the drain. Stuffing a hormone bomb into a person already dealing with mood-swings during menstrual cycles just can't be good

My Mrs has been using that coil thingy for the past decade and it was a marked improvement over the pill. 

You can still notice the ‘cycle’. In any 4 weeks there are 2 weeks of ‘normal’, a week of moodiness and a week where the baby making hormone must be present and she’s actually quite nice. 

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On 28/01/2020 at 08:29, Rugeley Villa said:

When I get told to shut up or go away. That boils my piss .

When did Henry learn to speak?

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On 28/01/2020 at 09:56, Villan_of_oz said:

 

They get upset ...... You apologise

You get upset ....... They get upset ....... You apologise.

She knows damn well it's the truth too

I used to have this situation a lot, it was basically I could not win whatever I said or did. 

I’d offer to take her out for a date night, “no  not in the mood”, a week later “you never take me out anymore”, next day I offer to take her out (she worked shifts), she would’ve had the day off work and not in for a week, “do I look like I’m dressed to go out, you could’ve text me earlier”, my response was to say you don’t normally reply when I’m at work and you’re catching up on sleep “well you could’ve tried” :bang:

On 28/01/2020 at 10:12, Stevo985 said:

 

If she was angry about something, she'd be moody and horrible and argumentative. And she'd excuse any behaviour because "she was upset" so basically it doesn't matter if she was horrible, she was upset so it's ok. 
Kind of annoyed me because I'm not wired that way, but whatever. I can understand it.

asking her to explain what I've done pr if we can be civil with each other, because getting angry with one another doesn't help anyone. 

On 29/01/2020 at 09:56, lapal_fan said:

 

In an argument, I'd say "can you stop being mental?" or "you're crazy" - which used to make any argument or disagreement 10 times worse.  Turns out that she often felt like she was actually a bit crazy and being told that in a fight really hurt her.  

 

 


(Quotes not working properly) 

in response to Stevo quote: 

Same girl as mentioned above, woke up one morning and plain blankly just refused to speak to me. Eventually at work during the day I got a text saying “can’t believe what you did last night”.... I racked my brain for hours trying to think what I’d done (knowing we’d gone to sleep on good terms). Despite me texting and asking what was wrong I didn’t get a response. Walked in on the evening for her to completely ignore me all evening. Eventually the next day she’d say “you really pissed me off yesterday and you haven’t apologised” again I asked what I’d done, “I had a dream you cheated on me” asking how I could apologise about some fictional thing that I could have no knowledge about, was seemingly totally unreasonable. 
 

Lapal fan: 

When we would get into an argument, I would occasionally say, stop being childish, to which she’d respond “well you’re the one who chose to go out with someone 7 years younger than you, so thats why you think I’m a child”, No, there’s a clear difference between a child and acting childish, you are still in your mid 20’s, I expect you to act like an adult.... 

 

And I wonder why I’ve been single for 5 years,  similar to what Xela said, I have little tolerance to bullshit drama these days, and so when approaching someone new I’m very closed. 

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