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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

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10 hours ago, il_serpente said:

There was never any real worry where you like to stick it anyway, amirite?

:D

Don't need the snip for that ;)

Edited by rjw63

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I’ve never scrolled so quickly thru a page since @tonyh29 posted his photo in the rogues gallery.

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Well, vasectomy done (Wednesday). Really not that bad. Haven't even had to take any pain killers following it. Just got to wait and see now and give a sample in 4 months time to see if it worked as intended.

Scrotum like a bean bag at the moment.

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1 hour ago, Dante_Lockhart said:

Well, vasectomy done (Wednesday). Really not that bad. Haven't even had to take any pain killers following it. Just got to wait and see now and give a sample in 4 months time to see if it worked as intended.

Scrotum like a bean bag at the moment.

Seriously tempted to go down this route myself. 2 kids and I'm done! 

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24 minutes ago, Nath182 said:

Seriously tempted to go down this route myself. 2 kids and I'm done! 

It's fine. First needle in is a little sharp (Or as the Dr said, "You might feel a little prick") but after that no issues. Just feels like your bollocks have taken a whack when the local wears off.

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Me and the gf have been having a pretty rough patch. She has a ridiculous medical history not to mention being accident prone - she's been hospitalised 5 times in the last year ffs. The most awful one for her was finding out she's infertile. She's been pretty devastated by that and it's been a difficult few months. A few weeks ago she came in to the bedroom, acting really strange, then starts jhaving a panic attack. Turns out one of her mates had given her some pills (no idea what), and she'd tried them out to see if it made her feel better. Big bust up, she stayed in the spare room for a few nights with us barely talking, but she admitted it was a stupid mistake, won't happen again, etc, etc...She's been on anti-depressants previously, but has been getting therapy which I thought was going ok.

Today we've just got back from holiday, I open a jiffy bag mysteriously labelled 'occupier' to find there's 20 diazepam tablets in there. 

She's not got home yet, and I'm sitting here, stewing over what to do. Aside from being pissed off at her having class c drugs mailed to my house, she's frankly risking **** up her career, she works directly with patients in the NHS, and if it gets out she's self medicating with diazepam, that's pretty much her career done for. I also just don't trust her to be honest about it, and if she says she's stopped, I don't know if I'd ever believe her.

Right now, I'm leaning strongly towards telling her to pack a bag and get the **** out of my house for a few days.

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42 minutes ago, Davkaus said:

Me and the gf have been having a pretty rough patch. She has a ridiculous medical history not to mention being accident prone - she's been hospitalised 5 times in the last year ffs. The most awful one for her was finding out she's infertile. She's been pretty devastated by that and it's been a difficult few months. A few weeks ago she came in to the bedroom, acting really strange, then starts jhaving a panic attack. Turns out one of her mates had given her some pills (no idea what), and she'd tried them out to see if it made her feel better. Big bust up, she stayed in the spare room for a few nights with us barely talking, but she admitted it was a stupid mistake, won't happen again, etc, etc...She's been on anti-depressants previously, but has been getting therapy which I thought was going ok.

Today we've just got back from holiday, I open a jiffy bag mysteriously labelled 'occupier' to find there's 20 diazepam tablets in there. 

She's not got home yet, and I'm sitting here, stewing over what to do. Aside from being pissed off at her having class c drugs mailed to my house, she's frankly risking **** up her career, she works directly with patients in the NHS, and if it gets out she's self medicating with diazepam, that's pretty much her career done for. I also just don't trust her to be honest about it, and if she says she's stopped, I don't know if I'd ever believe her.

Right now, I'm leaning strongly towards telling her to pack a bag and get the **** out of my house for a few days.

Wow, that’s really bad. 

you definitely need to have a chat about things and see where you can go from there. Don’t go all in aggressive though  

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Rough times Davkaus.

she needs professional help by the sounds of it and support from you (appreciate that’s tough too)

 

Hope it works itself out for you both

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6 hours ago, Davkaus said:

Me and the gf have been having a pretty rough patch. She has a ridiculous medical history not to mention being accident prone - she's been hospitalised 5 times in the last year ffs. The most awful one for her was finding out she's infertile. She's been pretty devastated by that and it's been a difficult few months. A few weeks ago she came in to the bedroom, acting really strange, then starts jhaving a panic attack. Turns out one of her mates had given her some pills (no idea what), and she'd tried them out to see if it made her feel better. Big bust up, she stayed in the spare room for a few nights with us barely talking, but she admitted it was a stupid mistake, won't happen again, etc, etc...She's been on anti-depressants previously, but has been getting therapy which I thought was going ok.

Today we've just got back from holiday, I open a jiffy bag mysteriously labelled 'occupier' to find there's 20 diazepam tablets in there. 

She's not got home yet, and I'm sitting here, stewing over what to do. Aside from being pissed off at her having class c drugs mailed to my house, she's frankly risking **** up her career, she works directly with patients in the NHS, and if it gets out she's self medicating with diazepam, that's pretty much her career done for. I also just don't trust her to be honest about it, and if she says she's stopped, I don't know if I'd ever believe her.

Right now, I'm leaning strongly towards telling her to pack a bag and get the **** out of my house for a few days. 

She's not been truthful to you and trust is important, so you need to find out why she is hiding this from you. 

It sounds to me like she needs your help. If she's self medicating it's probably because she feels she can't cope without it, not that she's a junkie. 

If she's struggling to come to terms with being infertile this may be why?

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Nowt wrong with a nurse taking diazepam, I know plenty of nurses with mental health problems but she should be seeing her GP first to be getting them the right and safe way. Sounds like she’s crying for help mate tbh, talk to her like you would anyone going through a mental health crisis and help her seek the professional help she needs, the decisions she is making is because she isn’t thinking straight at the moment. Put an arm round her then go from there and if she gets worse, things escalate and she starts to make risky decisions and continues the deceitful behaviour then cross hat bridge when you come to it. Just be there for her for now. Support but don’t try to fix.

Edited by Ingram85
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My wife was filing for divorce today. We've not been getting on for a while, and if I'm being honest things have been very bad. The straw that broke the camels back was me staying in the pub all day and night Saturday. I knew it would cause problems, but I was past caring on Saturday and told her to like it, or lump it. My mum rang me Saturday to say she'd dropped my stuff off at her house. I got in at 1 at my mums, and went to bed, got up and took the kids out for a bit. When I dropped them back off we had a chat. She said she wanted a divorce and that she's not been happy for ages(that makes both of us). Apparantly her mums gave her a good talking too, and said we both need to try harder. She listens to her mum all the time. Going to try one last time to see if we can get through it. Having 3 kids makes things so much tougher. That's another thing she's unhappy about, and that's me not doing enough with her and the kids. She said I'm a good dad, but I'm not a family man, which she wants. Let's see what happens. We go on holiday next week, so that should be good. She also feels that the house is better with me not there. 

Edited by Rugeley Villa

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I don't want to come across too harsh but we've followed this situation for literally years now. 

Having 3 kids in the situation you were in was silly IMO. Yes you didn't do it on purpose but it was irresponsible. Perhaps in a less pressured environment of 1 kid it would have been different. 

But from what you've told us over the years, you sound really bad for each other. You seem to enlarge each other's worst traits. 

Good luck with it - definitely try to do your best. If not for each other but for the kids. 

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3 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

I don't want to come across too harsh but we've followed this situation for literally years now. 

Having 3 kids in the situation you were in was silly IMO. Yes you didn't do it on purpose but it was irresponsible. Perhaps in a less pressured environment of 1 kid it would have been different. 

But from what you've told us over the years, you sound really bad for each other. You seem to enlarge each other's worst traits. 

Good luck with it - definitely try to do your best. If not for each other but for the kids. 

9 years this October, and its rarely been smooth going. It's not all bad, and we've had some great times. Our personalities definitely clash, then with everything else on top. Looking in from the outside it doesn't look great. I can only speak for myself, but  I need to make more effort. Making that break off is so hard, and I just hope that's not the reason why we are both hanging on. 

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1 hour ago, Rugeley Villa said:

My wife was filing for divorce today. We've not been getting on for a while, and if I'm being honest things have been very bad. The straw that broke the camels back was me staying in the pub all day and night Saturday. I knew it would cause problems, but I was past caring on Saturday and told her to like it, or lump it. 

When will the penny drop? 

She's your only hope. If you split up, she'll find another bloke, who'll become 'dad' to YOUR kids. You'll carry on behaving like a single bloke, and the drink and drugs will be back with a vengeance. You can't keep on having one more last chance. 

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A wise man once said in this exact topic I think, “love is like a fart, if you have to force it then it’s probably shit”.

 

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3 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

9 years this October, and its rarely been smooth going. It's not all bad, and we've had some great times. Our personalities definitely clash, then with everything else on top. Looking in from the outside it doesn't look great. I can only speak for myself, but  I need to make more effort. Making that break off is so hard, and I just hope that's not the reason why we are both hanging on. 

It’s not the first time you’ve this is it Ruge? 

Again not wanting to be critical, but it seems like you constantly go through stages where you try a lot and then have these bouts where it seems you deliberately stop trying. Whether this is you self consciously deliberately destroying what you’ve got, ot making a move out of the relationship I don’t know.

Think you really need to make a decision whether you want to be together or not. Plenty of people have children and separate, from what I’ve seen of friends, it’s better for the children if it’s an amicable breakup, meaning both parents are given good access to the children. The last thing you want is to breakup and then not be given access to the children’s because the break up wasn’t bad.

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