Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[Paddywhack]

I have a feeling that a lot more people have been in Stevo's position than they'd care to admit.

I think lapal's right, I don't think we can tell you the right answer. It's really easy for us to say what we think is the right thing to do, but only you can work out what's best.

I get the impression that this isn't just a girl at work you'd like to shag anymore, seems you've really fallen for her.

Good luck with it mate, I don't envy you.

 

 

 

 

And DHUTWU.

[markavfc40]

10 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

Yes. Believe me if I was single then this wouldn't even be a discussion!

Which was why before I had made the obvious decision to ignore the advances of the new girl and stay with my missus. Who I love an absolutely massive amount.

 

But the more time I spend with the new girl (at work mostly), the more I like her.
And my head has gone from "You're already with the right girl" to "what if... she's not the right girl, and the new one is?"

 

At the moment it's a bit like I want to have my cake and eat it. It'll pass. I hope.

I'd say the person you're with at the moment isn't right for you mate. If she was then you wouldn't seriously be thinking of starting a relationship with the girl at work. It is one thing looking at another woman and thinking she's a bit of alright, we all do that, it is another to be potentially wanting to start a relationship with her.

I went out with a girl when I was in my early twenties for 5 years and was constantly going out with other women. I never finished with the girl I was seeing because like you I didn't want to take the chance. I wanted my cake and eat it. In the end she finished with me.

I met my now wife 19 years ago and can honestly say in that time I have never even considered seeing another woman. Met women I have thought are nice of course but not for a second thought I'd like to take something further as I love my wife and no other woman for me comes close. That is what I'd call finding the one. The girl I was with previously for 5 years clearly wasn't. I'd say the girl you are with now probably isn't the one given how much this other girl has turned your head.

 

[StefanAVFC]

If you ended it with your current missus, and then the other girl didn't work out, how gutted would you be to lose current missus?

If the answer is "not much" then you have the solution already.

[villakram]

How interested is the other girl? and how do you know this? Sounds like you are in a pickle but regardless of what happens next, based on my experience and how I think I would feel, I'd bet that your current girl would consider what you've already done (emotionally) as cheating.

I'd add one of those fb motivational vids but something about doing something wrong or something comes to mind.

 

[Stevo985]

1 hour ago, V01 said:

Sounds like you've already made a decision...

I really haven't.

1 hour ago, Paddywhack said:

I have a feeling that a lot more people have been in Stevo's position than they'd care to admit.

I think lapal's right, I don't think we can tell you the right answer. It's really easy for us to say what we think is the right thing to do, but only you can work out what's best.

I get the impression that this isn't just a girl at work you'd like to shag anymore, seems you've really fallen for her.

It's heading that way

47 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

If you ended it with your current missus, and then the other girl didn't work out, how gutted would you be to lose current missus?

If the answer is "not much" then you have the solution already.

I'd be very very gutted. You've met her, she's awesome  

 

 

Thanks for the advice guys. I've already said more than I really wanted to. But I don't have anyone in the "real" world I can talk about this stuff with so I had to put it somewhere.

Edited July 13, 2017 by Stevo985

[StefanAVFC]

34 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

I'd be very very gutted. You've met her, she's awesome  

 

I know mate! I'm trying to be impartial though

But we've had decent chats about missus' and like and you seemed really happy and content with her. That was what, 8 months ago?

I genuinely don't think your opinion has changed on her in that time.

[Jenko#4]

My two pence worth..... I had the perfect girl, as well unwanted advances from a hot girl at work. I thought I did the correct thing by telling my girlfriend that this girl at work was laying it on thick, and that I wasn't interested (and wanted marriage, kids, the works with her). Unfortunately by doing this, the GF got paranoid, jealous, unbearable to live with and we ended up splitting up any way! So sometimes even doing the right thing can royally screw things up! Probably not helping you @Stevo985, sorry!!

[jackbauer24]

I read this thread a lot but never ever write in it, largely it feels like I don't have the authority to do so but occasionally it's just because it's far more entertaining reading it (you know who you are!)

However I feel compelled to add my view here, but actually it's more of my Dad's view so it feels grounded in experience. He's been married nearly 40 years after all.

If you're with someone and tempted by another there are a number of things to consider. First, you're human, if you've not been tempted to even any degree you're almost asexual! But loving someone is resisting that temptation. Secondly, anyone who expects that they can go through any relationship of significance and not have ups and downs and periods where you question all of it is living in a fantasy land. Thirdly, the human condition, and especially more so in the age of instant gratification, looks at the short term over the long and that the grass is always greener...this often isn't true.

So with that in mind ask yourself a few questions;

Forgetting the other lady completely would you be happy to stay with your current girlfriend or are there problems anyway? Are these real fundamental problems or just a case of comfort/complacency?

If the roles were reversed how devestated would you be? If you can picture your gf with another guy and be happy for her rather than jealous then maybe you have moved on.

Do you even know the other girl? The work 'us' is very different to real 'us' in most cases, it's the cleaned up public version of ourselves.

If you are genuinely questioning everything then you shouldn't be considering swapping one for the other,  you should be prepared to be single if your current gf isn't doing it for you. It's not a her vs her equation. Any future gf would respect you far more to properly finish, and leave a respectable gap, between relationships.

If you compare people you will forever be chopping and changing. You'll see some things you love and somethings you dislike in everyone. And that too will change;  what was once cute is now annoying and what was once irritating is now endearing. 

Forget the other lady in the equation as it's completely unfair on your current girlfriend because the new exciting, never had an argument, never seen her being sick, not had to worry about bills lady always has the advantage. The real decision is current gf vs singledom; if you don't see a future then you end it - otherwise you're just settling because nothing is better rather than because you want to. I don't think anyone wants to feel like they've just been settled for. 

Edited July 13, 2017 by jackbauer24
Spelling

[Ingram85]

1 hour ago, jackbauer24 said:

I read this thread a lot but never ever write in it, largely it feels like I don't have the authority to do so but occasionally it's just because it's far more entertaining reading it (you know who you are!)

 

[mikeyp102]

All this talk of people having other options whilst in a relationship with a great girl, and then Ruge shoving straighteners up his missis. And I haven't even had a date in months. I hate you all  

[Stevo985]

10 hours ago, jackbauer24 said:

I read this thread a lot but never ever write in it, largely it feels like I don't have the authority to do so but occasionally it's just because it's far more entertaining reading it (you know who you are!)

However I feel compelled to add my view here, but actually it's more of my Dad's view so it feels grounded in experience. He's been married nearly 40 years after all.

If you're with someone and tempted by another there are a number of things to consider. First, you're human, if you've not been tempted to even any degree you're almost asexual! But loving someone is resisting that temptation. Secondly, anyone who expects that they can go through any relationship of significance and not have ups and downs and periods where you question all of it is living in a fantasy land. Thirdly, the human condition, and especially more so in the age of instant gratification, looks at the short term over the long and that the grass is always greener...this often isn't true.

So with that in mind ask yourself a few questions;

Forgetting the other lady completely would you be happy to stay with your current girlfriend or are there problems anyway? Are these real fundamental problems or just a case of comfort/complacency?

If the roles were reversed how devestated would you be? If you can picture your gf with another guy and be happy for her rather than jealous then maybe you have moved on.

Do you even know the other girl? The work 'us' is very different to real 'us' in most cases, it's the cleaned up public version of ourselves.

If you are genuinely questioning everything then you shouldn't be considering swapping one for the other,  you should be prepared to be single if your current gf isn't doing it for you. It's not a her vs her equation. Any future gf would respect you far more to properly finish, and leave a respectable gap, between relationships.

If you compare people you will forever be chopping and changing. You'll see some things you love and somethings you dislike in everyone. And that too will change;  what was once cute is now annoying and what was once irritating is now endearing. 

Forget the other lady in the equation as it's completely unfair on your current girlfriend because the new exciting, never had an argument, never seen her being sick, not had to worry about bills lady always has the advantage. The real decision is current gf vs singledom; if you don't see a future then you end it - otherwise you're just settling because nothing is better rather than because you want to. I don't think anyone wants to feel like they've just been settled for. 

Best post in here.

Thanks.

[Xela]

On 7/13/2017 at 23:30, mikeyp102 said:

All this talk of people having other options whilst in a relationship with a great girl, and then Ruge shoving straighteners up his missis. And I haven't even had a date in months. I hate you all  

I'm sure Ruge would shove straighteners up your bum if you asked nicely? 

Edited July 16, 2017 by Xela

[Rugeley Villa]

I'm always happy to help someone else out. 

[Xela]

20 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

I'm always happy to help someone else out. 

You are a man of the people. 

[mikeyp102]

29 minutes ago, Xela said:

I'm sure Ruge would shove straighteners up your bum if you asked nicely? 

 ........

22 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

I'm always happy to help someone else out. 

Thanks for the offer dude... but I'll pass all th same... haven't got that desperate yet.

[Rugeley Villa]

22 minutes ago, mikeyp102 said:

 ........

Thanks for the offer dude... but I'll pass all th same... haven't got that desperate yet.

Well just let us know when, or should I say if you get that desperate.

[MakemineVanilla]

2 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

I'm always happy to help someone else out of their gourd.

Fixed! 

[PompeyVillan]

My Mrs has come home hammered on prosecco tonight, whilst I've been grafting since the crack of dawn helping my brother move house today.

She's so hammered that she's been sick in her sleep, meaning I've been baby sitting her for hours worried she'll do it again. 

It doesn't help that she has one friend in particular who encourages her to keep drinking when she's had enough.

Thing is I had a friend (who she knew) who died years ago when were teenagers from choking on vomit after downing a bottle of Jack Daniels. My brother found him dead and it's never left him. 

Not happy. Roundhouse kick to the temple when she sobers up.

[Rugeley Villa]

3 hours ago, PompeyVillan said:

My Mrs has come home hammered on prosecco tonight, whilst I've been grafting since the crack of dawn helping my brother move house today.

She's so hammered that she's been sick in her sleep, meaning I've been baby sitting her for hours worried she'll do it again. 

It doesn't help that she has one friend in particular who encourages her to keep drinking when she's had enough.

Thing is I had a friend (who she knew) who died years ago when were teenagers from choking on vomit after downing a bottle of Jack Daniels. My brother found him dead and it's never left him. 

Not happy. Roundhouse kick to the temple when she sobers up.

I feel your pain. My wife is terrible when she drinks too much. Sick, pissing the bed, losing stuff, and just damn right annoying. She's never back when she says she's going to be back, and the amount of times she's had me up in the early hours because she's conked out at her mates, but I didn't know.

[Stevo985]

8 hours ago, PompeyVillan said:

My Mrs has come home hammered on prosecco tonight, whilst I've been grafting since the crack of dawn helping my brother move house today.

She's so hammered that she's been sick in her sleep, meaning I've been baby sitting her for hours worried she'll do it again. 

It doesn't help that she has one friend in particular who encourages her to keep drinking when she's had enough.

Thing is I had a friend (who she knew) who died years ago when were teenagers from choking on vomit after downing a bottle of Jack Daniels. My brother found him dead and it's never left him. 

Not happy. Roundhouse kick to the temple when she sobers up.

Does it happen regularly?

If not then it's nothing. You'll be laughing about it on Monday. 

Let these things go. That honestly wouldn't bother me at all, although I acknowledge it would be annoying at the time.