Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[Demitri_C]

35 minutes ago, Xela said:

Anyone here a member of 'Meetup'?

Sounds a good way of meeting like minded people in a more relaxed environment and to find people with common interests. I guess its not strictly dating but a good opportunity to meet new people if like me, your current friends are now baby bores! 

 

Never heard of this before so it's app just to meet random groups?

i downloaded this app called "coffee meets bagels" seems a bit more classer than tinder so far

[Xela]

4 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

What happened to the days when you would hook up with someone down the pub.

You mean chat to people like the old days? Are you mental man! That went out with buckaroo, Joe Bloggs jeans and Fruit of the Loom sweatshirts! 

[chrisp65]

Just now, Rugeley Villa said:

What happened to the days when you would hook up with someone down the pub.

Met my missus in a pub, liked her, so invited her to watch me play football the following Saturday.

She said yes, came along to watch. I tried to block tackle a bloke, he basically ran over me like a **** bus. I got carried off, proper winded.

How could she resist that!

[Xela]

 

1 minute ago, Demitri_C said:

Never heard of this before so it's app just to meet random groups?

i downloaded this app called "coffee meets bagels" seems a bit more classer than tinder so far

https://www.meetup.com/

I imagine there would be hundreds of groups in London covering a vast number of hobbies/interests

[stuart_75]

On 29/10/2016 at 02:18, Ingram85 said:

Thought I'd update for anyone who cares. Well, her not wanting kids hasn't changed, we are still living together but both just kind of in limbo and coasting without either of us just doing something about it.

The thing is is that it's amicable, we go out places, see family, do shopping together etc... but I'm just emotionally checked out, don't even wear my ring hardly anymore yet we share the same bed. 

Going through the motions I guess. Will probably stay like this until Jan/Feb when we get to the point or get the motivation/courage to sit down together and go through with it but at the moment with shifts, both being knackered from work and stuff it just kind of plods on, we both know we'd be better off apart but we aren't fighting, arguing or anything, it's just both of us hanging on.

Neither of us want to admit defeat I guess, more-so with it being only 14 months of marriage plus with the house, the cat and us being like amicable friends it's just kind of comfortable and has removed any urgency from the situation. Get Xmas/New Years out the way I suppose. 

Its **** dreary as all hell, no mans land/groundhog day. It's comfortably shite. 

I've been in a similar position where we were both together for a year leading separate lives under the same roof, in the same bed.

My advice would be pack your bags. Life is so short and I do think you are wasting precious time just "coasting" along because its the easy option. Suck it up and go through the pain of one of you moving out, then the life re-building can really start. Just my 2ps worth. Ive been there.

[mjmooney]

1 hour ago, chrisp65 said:

Met my missus in a pub, liked her, so invited her to watch me play football the following Saturday.

She said yes, came along to watch. I tried to block tackle a bloke, he basically ran over me like a **** bus. I got carried off, proper winded.

How could she resist that!

 

[Rodders]

51 minutes ago, stuart_75 said:

I've been in a similar position where we were both together for a year leading separate lives under the same roof, in the same bed.

My advice would be pack your bags. Life is so short and I do think you are wasting precious time just "coasting" along because its the easy option. Suck it up and go through the pain of one of you moving out, then the life re-building can really start. Just my 2ps worth. Ive been there.

It's understandable. But as I recall, Ingram's partner is / was at time of posting only 23, it can take a while to change her mind, it's still very young and can seem a mile off. It's a nightmare situation that she was so forthright about it, because sentiments do change as people get older and have spent a bit of time living the life they wanted to first. She could very easily just change her mind in 2-3 years time as she near's 30, and maybe more of her peers have kids, the unavoidable sense of a biological clock window and all that...

Or the alternative which is less kind is it's a cover for something she's afraid to say like not being in love so much ( sorry to suggest something like that, just writing aloud as it were, devils advocate style') 

My partner is 27 and I'm 31, and I definitely want kids and she's terrified by the prospect, but I'm in no rush so Im not worried, but then we also don't have a house together either so it's not really comparable, but I guess I'm a perpetual believer in people changing as and when they're ready. 

Edited November 1, 2016 by Rodders

[maqroll]

So I find myself in a bit of a situation. A couple of months ago I met this girl at a bar, and we hit it off with some good conversation. I asked her if she wanted to smoke some weed, so we smoked in the alleyway next to the bar. She had me laughing and she was cute as pie too, and I told her as much. We hit it off, she also works in the bar business as a manager, so we talked shop and had a good laugh. We ended up hanging out in my car and continued to talk for a while. I think I was a little too enthusiastic about meeting her...as she was leaving, I asked her if I could see her sometime, and she said "You know where I work". So I went to her bar a few nights later and she had left, so I asked the bartender to tell her I stopped by. I stopped by again a week later and she had already left. I wrote a little note asking her to give me a call and gave it to the same bartender. I never heard from her, and I was in her place one more time to eat at the bar and she wasn't there.

So...I'm leaving the bar I am currently working at next week, so I've been looking online for job listings in my area. Turns out her bar is looking to hire a bartender, and it's a cool place within walking distance from my apartment. so I replied to the ad with my CV. She called me today, I got a voicemail from her saying she wants to interview me...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know it's me...so I have no idea how this interview is gonna go, I could end up doing a Spud. This chick though...**** amazing.

Edited November 5, 2016 by maqroll

[mikeyp102]

15 hours ago, maqroll said:

So I find myself in a bit of a situation. A couple of months ago I met this girl at a bar, and we hit it off with some good conversation. I asked her if she wanted to smoke some weed, so we smoked in the alleyway next to the bar. She had me laughing and she was cute as pie too, and I told her as much. We hit it off, she also works in the bar business as a manager, so we talked shop and had a good laugh. We ended up hanging out in my car and continued to talk for a while. I think I was a little too enthusiastic about meeting her...as she was leaving, I asked her if I could see her sometime, and she said "You know where I work". So I went to her bar a few nights later and she had left, so I asked the bartender to tell her I stopped by. I stopped by again a week later and she had already left. I wrote a little note asking her to give me a call and gave it to the same bartender. I never heard from her, and I was in her place one more time to eat at the bar and she wasn't there.

So...I'm leaving the bar I am currently working at next week, so I've been looking online for job listings in my area. Turns out her bar is looking to hire a bartender, and it's a cool place within walking distance from my apartment. so I replied to the ad with my CV. She called me today, I got a voicemail from her saying she wants to interview me...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know it's me...so I have no idea how this interview is gonna go, I could end up doing a Spud. This chick though...**** amazing.

Stick your old chap on the table during the interview... Guaranteed success 

[Demitri_C]

18 hours ago, maqroll said:

So I find myself in a bit of a situation. A couple of months ago I met this girl at a bar, and we hit it off with some good conversation. I asked her if she wanted to smoke some weed, so we smoked in the alleyway next to the bar. She had me laughing and she was cute as pie too, and I told her as much. We hit it off, she also works in the bar business as a manager, so we talked shop and had a good laugh. We ended up hanging out in my car and continued to talk for a while. I think I was a little too enthusiastic about meeting her...as she was leaving, I asked her if I could see her sometime, and she said "You know where I work". So I went to her bar a few nights later and she had left, so I asked the bartender to tell her I stopped by. I stopped by again a week later and she had already left. I wrote a little note asking her to give me a call and gave it to the same bartender. I never heard from her, and I was in her place one more time to eat at the bar and she wasn't there.

So...I'm leaving the bar I am currently working at next week, so I've been looking online for job listings in my area. Turns out her bar is looking to hire a bartender, and it's a cool place within walking distance from my apartment. so I replied to the ad with my CV. She called me today, I got a voicemail from her saying she wants to interview me...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know it's me...so I have no idea how this interview is gonna go, I could end up doing a Spud. This chick though...**** amazing.

No problem whatsoever, just make out you can't remember if she brings it up then play stupid at first before saying oh yeah and laugh it off

[maqroll]

3 hours ago, Demitri_C said:

No problem whatsoever, just make out you can't remember if she brings it up then play stupid at first before saying oh yeah and laugh it off

she'd know i was full of it

[Rugeley Villa]

10 hours ago, mikeyp102 said:

Stick your old chap on the table during the interview... Guaranteed success 

Even better, decapitate your penis infront of her then put it down her top.

[maqroll]

40 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Even better, decapitate your penis infront of her then put it down her top.

i already tried that

[StefanAVFC]

I'm getting to breaking point and I'm not even involved with this.

My girlfriend is at uni, and therefore lives at home still. Her family is her, her parents and her brother.

Her brother is an absolute idiot. The worst person I know in person.

He's 24, has never worked, doesn't go to uni, doesn't contribute to anything. This alone would be enough for him to be gone from their house, but it gets much worse. He's had his battles with mental health. I get that. But with the medication he has, drinking brings on the symptoms again. What does he do? Goes out drinking, calls her parents at 3am demanding to be picked up, then starts throwing shit around and shouting when he gets home. He went to uni on weekends last year. He gave up after 2 weeks because it was too hard. Now he just sits at home, playing video games and breaking things when he gets angry at those video games. He blocks mine and my gf's devices from the wifi so he can play without lag. The cheek of it.

Only today, he screamed at my gf over dinner about her parents paying for her flights to England to visit me (i'm on 3 month secondment in the UK) when they're giving her half, and she's paying the rest. She argued back that she goes to uni and works hard for her money and he threw a glass bowl at her. I'm scared for her safety but her parents don't do anything other than shout at him.

He needs to be sectioned or kicked out but her parents will do neither.

[Rugeley Villa]

50 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

I'm getting to breaking point and I'm not even involved with this.

My girlfriend is at uni, and therefore lives at home still. Her family is her, her parents and her brother.

Her brother is an absolute idiot. The worst person I know in person.

He's 24, has never worked, doesn't go to uni, doesn't contribute to anything. This alone would be enough for him to be gone from their house, but it gets much worse. He's had his battles with mental health. I get that. But with the medication he has, drinking brings on the symptoms again. What does he do? Goes out drinking, calls her parents at 3am demanding to be picked up, then starts throwing shit around and shouting when he gets home. He went to uni on weekends last year. He gave up after 2 weeks because it was too hard. Now he just sits at home, playing video games and breaking things when he gets angry at those video games. He blocks mine and my gf's devices from the wifi so he can play without lag. The cheek of it.

Only today, he screamed at my gf over dinner about her parents paying for her flights to England to visit me (i'm on 3 month secondment in the UK) when they're giving her half, and she's paying the rest. She argued back that she goes to uni and works hard for her money and he threw a glass bowl at her. I'm scared for her safety but her parents don't do anything other than shout at him.

He needs to be sectioned or kicked out but her parents will do neither.

Sounds like he needs help more than anything. Probably won't accept it for a bit though.

[StefanAVFC]

3 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Sounds like he needs help more than anything. Probably won't accept it for a bit though.

He's had help. He went to a psychiatrist for a year and everything was much better, but then he stopped going because he didn't like it anymore and things are just getting worse with every day.

He's on medication that he either refuses to take, or drinks when he's on them which makes him violent.

He's had chances. He needs to be gone now before he kills someone.

EDIT: In addition, the missus overheard him talking his friends on his game, that he found it hilarious he got so angry at my gf and threw a glass bowl at her.

He's beyond help and redemption.

Edited November 6, 2016 by StefanAVFC

[Rugeley Villa]

2 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

He's had help. He went to a psychiatrist for a year and everything was much better, but then he stopped going because he didn't like it anymore and things are just getting worse with every day.

He's on medication that he either refuses to take, or drinks when he's on them which makes him violent.

He's had chances. He needs to be gone now before he kills someone.

Not good. Can't his family get him sectioned if he's that bad?

[StefanAVFC]

Not in Polish law mate. Over here they could.

[Rugeley Villa]

6 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

Not in Polish law mate. Over here they could.

Well by the sound of it then he's just going to have to do something bad before anyone steps in and takes matters into their own hands. Crazy really. 

[StefanAVFC]

Yeah I shouldn't have to but I may have to if nothing changes.