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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread


irreverentad

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1 hour ago, Jon said:

How old are you chief?

I'm 33, she'll be 37 November. She'd planned to go it alone before, then met me and changed her mind. But she's decided she has to have them now.

Like Ginko said, far too early in a relationship to be thinking about that irrelevant of age.

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16 hours ago, mikeyp102 said:

I'm 33, she'll be 37 November. She'd planned to go it alone before, then met me and changed her mind. But she's decided she has to have them now.

Like Ginko said, far too early in a relationship to be thinking about that irrelevant of age.

It really isn't, and especially when she's 37.

I brought up the kids topic on date 1 or 2 with my now wife. I was 37, She was 27. I wanted kids, and didn't want to 'waste time' with someone who didn't (as I was getting towards 40). She did too. About 5 months later she was pregnant!

If it's what both of you want, then having the chat early is never too early. OK, if you're both 18, then maybe think about it a bit harder, but it's better to be clear about these things up front IMO.

We now have a 4 year old daughter. It's hard work, but worth it. :thumb:

 

 

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1 hour ago, Jon said:

It really isn't, and especially when she's 37.

I brought up the kids topic on date 1 or 2 with my now wife. I was 37, She was 27. I wanted kids, and didn't want to 'waste time' with someone who didn't (as I was getting towards 40). She did too. About 5 months later she was pregnant!

If it's what both of you want, then having the chat early is never too early. OK, if you're both 18, then maybe think about it a bit harder, but it's better to be clear about these things up front IMO.

We now have a 4 year old daughter. It's hard work, but worth it. :thumb:

 

 

Fair enough and I get what you mean about setting targets early. I wouldn't mind kids but not for a few years yet and not with someone I've only known a short while. For me I want to at least live with someone at least at year (preferably marry them) before kids. She doesn't want to wait that long

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2 hours ago, mikeyp102 said:

Fair enough and I get what you mean about setting targets early. I wouldn't mind kids but not for a few years yet and not with someone I've only known a short while. For me I want to at least live with someone at least at year (preferably marry them) before kids. She doesn't want to wait that long

Very wise. The way things are these days with the family courts, you could soon find yourself the father of children you have to keep but can't see, if the relationship didn't work out.

Relationships don't come with any guarantees but at least you should know a partner for more than a few months.

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7 hours ago, Jon said:

It really isn't, and especially when she's 37.

I brought up the kids topic on date 1 or 2 with my now wife. I was 37, She was 27. I wanted kids, and didn't want to 'waste time' with someone who didn't (as I was getting towards 40). She did too. About 5 months later she was pregnant!

If it's what both of you want, then having the chat early is never too early. OK, if you're both 18, then maybe think about it a bit harder, but it's better to be clear about these things up front IMO.

We now have a 4 year old daughter. It's hard work, but worth it. :thumb:

 

 

I'm not saying it can't work but it must be a very rare thing. You still barely know each other after three months. Even if you both want kids it might not be the most sensible idea because what happens when you spend six months together and she's up the duff and you realise things aren't working out?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it worked out for you, but I think for the majority of cases rushing into that sort of decision would be pretty irresponsible.

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On 14/09/2016 at 23:08, mikeyp102 said:

Back to the drawing board for me again.

Being a slightly older women she felt she has to have kids now or never, we were only together 3 months and not on my cards yet.

Wanting kids with someone after 3 months is mental

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Is getting duped via text/messenger normal? My ex broke up with me a couple of months ago this way and not having had much experiences with relationships I don't have much to compare it to. To be fair, we'd only been together about a month but looking back on it now she was pretty nasty about it. Didn't even give me much of a chance to ask what exactly was going on.

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Happens more often than it should but as people seem to only communicate via devices now, it seems to be a developing norm :/ I don't like it as it's a bit cowardly. On the other hand I was "dumped" once after 5/6 dates over a few weeks by text but that was a bit different, more a case of a trial period not being renewed :P

 

Also if she was nasty about it, good riddance tbh. We're all  human at the end of the day and it shouldnt be so hard to break off a relationship, however painful, civily unless there's been reason for ill feeling like infidelity etc. 

So yeah, sod her and get back out there. 

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3 hours ago, Rodders said:

Happens more often than it should but as people seem to only communicate via devices now, it seems to be a developing norm :/ I don't like it as it's a bit cowardly. On the other hand I was "dumped" once after 5/6 dates over a few weeks by text but that was a bit different, more a case of a trial period not being renewed :P

 

Also if she was nasty about it, good riddance tbh. We're all  human at the end of the day and it shouldnt be so hard to break off a relationship, however painful, civily unless there's been reason for ill feeling like infidelity etc. 

So yeah, sod her and get back out there. 

It wasn't nasty per se but very cold and insensitive. Basically just sent me a message saying "This isn't working out for me. Best of luck, bye" and it was only because I was online at the time that we got into a discussion. But after a couple of minutes of talking and just trying to find out why she was doing this she just decided to defriend me and that was it. Once I know somebody's not into me that puts me off them but I did sent her a handwritten letter just telling her how I felt in the hopes of getting some "feedback" but she never responded. I haven't contacted her since and never will.

I think what sticks in my craw is that she told me about two previous relationships where they broke up with her out of the blue and then she goes and does exactly that to me. What's even worse is that from what she said they treated her terribly while I actually made a real effort with her.

Not to sound too bitter or anything, but I hope someone does to her exactly what she did to me. I can't stand people like that.

Edited by Mantis
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