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irreverentad

Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

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7 hours ago, phily85 said:

Bit of an update I've gone to stay at my mums for a few days I need space away from her

At the weekend so really went off things thrown at me saying all sorts of things about me it was as if it wasn't really her if that makes sense.

The final straw was when she called up her mum and stated saying that I was mentally abusing her I just can't look at her at the moment without feeling sad or angry so I've had to step away.

Now all I'm getting are texts to say she is sorry and that its my decision to end marriage or not putting it all on me

If you're keen on trying to save the relationship, couples counselling is a good option.

The problem you have is that the optics of you leaving just a few weeks before she gives birth isn't great. I'm assuming you also want to be a part of the baby's life when it's here? In which case, you have every need to try to at least get to a point where you can break up with no hard feelings. 

But the posters above are right - hormones are incredibly powerful during pregnancy, she may well seem 'not really her' at points. 

Good luck mate, sounds like a tough situation. 

Edited by HanoiVillan

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1 hour ago, Demitri_C said:

Thats practically every day for me minus the gift 

Well it would be weird to give your own hand a gift.

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I'm sure it would appreciate a silk glove...

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If you're keen on trying to save the relationship, couples counselling is a good option.

The problem you have is that the optics of you leaving just a few weeks before she gives birth isn't great. I'm assuming you also want to be a part of the baby's life when it's here? In which case, you have every need to try to at least get to a point where you can break up with no hard feelings. 

But the posters above are right - hormones are incredibly powerful during pregnancy, she may well seem 'not really her' at points. 

Good luck mate, sounds like a tough situation. 

It has always been a part of her althougth never been quite at this level. I understand that the whole pregnancy and hormones will be playing I major part

I definitely want to be a part of our childs life, that's why its so hard (if there wasn't a child I don't think I'd put up with it)

Right now and so close to birth I'm going to take a deep breath bite my tounge and put up with it all and see what happens when we come out of the other side. Right now the baby's health it more important then anything

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It sounds like you've pretty much come up with the best plan possible, in the circumstances. In the short term, help her out with the pregnancy and getting ready for the kid, and show willing.

In the medium term, I would recommend counselling. Some people on here have been negative about counselling in the past, all I can say is I went to Relate (on my own at first, then with my partner later) when we had a hulking great Issue in our relationship, and the guy who I talked to was massively helpful. Just a thought. 

As I said above, I wish you the best of luck, whatever you choose. 

Edited by HanoiVillan
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On 09/02/2016 at 14:00, Demitri_C said:

Thats practically every day for me minus the gift 

Yeah yeah you are getting sex, stop rubbing our desperate noses in it! :P

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There's a big difference between you turning to her sister for advice (as long as that's all it was) and her turning to another guy and emotionally cheating on you (which is just as bad as physical cheating in my book).

It's hard to comment since I know nothing about this girl, but I wouldn't be able to trust my girlfriend again if she'd been talking to another guy in that manner. Even if she was doing it for attention it's still not right and she should know that. You say you weren't giving her attention, may I ask why? It's good that you're owning up to your part in this, but if you're totally honest is neglecting her a little the only bad thing you've done?

That being said, given the limited information about the both of you and your relationship, I don't think I'd be able to carry on with it if I were you. She seems pretty unpredictable and untrustworthy, not just because she's talking to other men, but the whole snooping on you on this forum and reading your texts? Doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be with.

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There's nothing wrong with venting to a friend or seeking relationship advice from someone close to you. It adds a bit of complication when that person is friends with both of you, but if your motives were noble then there's not much wrong with what you did. They're certainly incomparable to her talking to that other guy. Do you maybe feel guilty about talking to her sister because you have some feelings for her that could be somewhat romantic or sexual? Otherwise I don't think you have anything to feel bad about for talking to her in an attempt to make the best decision for your relationship.

I think her drink and your drug issues need to be sorted out, however. You're both doing them because something inside you is obviously unhappy which will be a strain on your relationship. If you can't make yourselves content without the aid of substances then how are you meant to make each other happy?

I've always maintained that if you aren't happy on your own then any relationship you get into is more than likely to fail. It's not fair to expect someone else to be the cause of your happiness. That borders on needing someone rather than wanting them and I don't think that's necessarily healthy.

Edited by Ginko

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my missus took me away thursday for a surprise. we went up to cheshire and stayed in a log cabin with a hot tub, before that we had a lovely pub meal. im taking her for a meal tonight at one of her favourite places.

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You both seem desperately unhappy together?

Just end it and move on with your separate lives. No point continuing in a depressive spiral of misery. For you, go travelling on your own, enjoy yourself

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Xela said:

You both seem desperately unhappy together?

Just end it and move on with your separate lives. No point continuing in a depressive spiral of misery. For you, go travelling on your own, enjoy yourself

 

 

The voice of reason as always.  I'm 100% buying you a beer one day

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Ha, my personal life is a disaster so remember that before taking my advice

You have a great opportunity with your redundancy and as you say you have no ties, make the most of it. 

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Lloydxmas.

None of us know how you feel and only you can make the final decision. But from this point it does sound like you are unhappy and shouldn't be together. I had similar with my ex about 6-9 months before we split for good. She had been texting someone else and emotionally cheating on me. She swore blind it had been texting and nothing else, it always played on my mind even though I believed she'd never been with him.

When we broke up I went travelling and had an awesome time, even though I must be only traveller not to get laid (yes I must be shrek).

it seems to me you know what should happen but are scared of doing it.

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Yeah pal of course im scared. been together since we were 20.  I don't know any other life.  But I do have some positive options available

I am quite fortunate though that I have some good mates dotted around the globe.  100% going to turn up on their doorstep unannounced, then proceed to throw eggs at them haha

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